"Shrekking" Isn't the Fairytale Romance It Sounds Like — Here's the Disturbing True Meaning

Falling in love can be one of the most magical human experiences. You find the person who brings you joy, and who you can see yourself spending years with, if not the rest of your life. Dating is an expression of the quest for love.

Of course, dating doesn't always end with falling in love.

Sometimes, it ends in heartache. A new dating trend among Gen Z, called "shrekking," is what happens when dating plans go awry and you get your heart broken. But what exactly does "shrekking" mean? It's not the fairytale love story you expect.

We all know the story of Shrek: an ogre looking to protect his swamp gets caught up in royal plans as he escorts a beautiful princess from the tower where she has been trapped to her waiting Prince Not-so-Charming. But as it turns out, Fiona's waiting for true love's kiss to spare her from a curse where she's trapped as a human by day and an ogre by night. In the end, Fiona and Shrek fall in love and kiss, and Fiona's "true love form" is unlocked: surprise! She's an ogre.

So how does this relate to human dating? According to USA Today, "'shrekking' involves dating someone you’re not attracted to in the hopes that this person will treat you better in return." It sounds romantic; after all, you're dating someone based on who they are and how they treat you, not how they look.

Unfortunately, being "shrekked" means that the person you lowered your standards for ended up hurting you anyway.

If it sounds pretty callous and unkind, that's because it is. Many people online have pointed out that this is just called "settling," and it can be just as painful as dating someone "in your league" and having your heart broken. But there's just something especially hurtful, some users say, about having someone you thought you were "above" break your heart anyway.

Amy Chan, author and dating coach, told USA Today that when someone is being "shrekked," "In this plotline, you're dating an ogre without the princess treatment." She added, "The term might be new, but the behavior isn’t. Plenty of people have put looks lower on the list or hoped attraction would grow over time, and that in itself isn’t a bad thing. Where it backfires is when someone assumes that just because they’re dating ‘down’ in looks, they’ll automatically be treated better."

One TikToker pointed out that the phrase is useful when you find yourself traumatized by a man who "literally looks like Shrek." Where you gave him a chance, and you get the "troll treatment" anyway.

But the idea is problematic. After all, you can't tell what kind of person someone will be based on their looks. Less attractive people aren't, by design, better. And more attractive people aren't necessarily worse.

Yet the fact that the term exists points to frustration among those trying to navigate an increasingly complex and disappointing dating world.

However, if you're thinking about giving an "ogre" a try, it's good to remember that what's on the outside doesn't always translate to what's on the inside. And if you're looking for true, mutually satisfying love, it should be about how you connect, and not whether or not someone is "grateful" to be with you because you're "out of their league."