We all know about the dating red flags. People in 2018 are so crucially cringe, they'll ghost you on a date, leave you hanging with a bill, or reveal their true bigoted colors the very first time you talk. But that's when friends step in to make everything better, right?
Theoretically. Unless you're also dealing with a bad friend who will rejoice in your failure and put themselves and their problems before yours every time.
If you think you might be dealing with a manipulative friend or unhealthy platonic relationship, read on for these friendship red flags that should have you looking for a new BFF. Like, ASAP.
1. When they only talk about themselves and their problems.
I have a friend who I still love because I don't think she knows how bad she is. We often had long conversations talking about events in her life (her crushes, her worries, what made her mad) and I liked it since I don't like talking about myself for a long time and like to listen to people. I thought it was a mutual friendship and that she would listen to me too when I wanted to talk.
Nope. We once met for a drink when I was accepted at an art school and I wanted to talk about the assignments we had to do and she deflected the conversation to a relationship problem she had.
We were on vacation together and I wanted to talk about a philosophy in a show I liked since it meant much to me and that I wanted to get a tattoo from that show but she interrupted me to ask a question about the air conditioner, threw herself on the bed and looked at Instagram posts.
I've honestly never had a friend that was so disinterested in me but still expected me to listen to her talk.
2. When they only hit you up because they need something.
Had a friend call my SO and I to help them move some of their stuff...
...the day we were loading up our whole house by ourselves to move to another city.
My friends asked me to give them a ride to the hospital when I was in labor. I repeat, when I was in labor...
3. When they need a ride to the party but you're not invited to the party.
Someone did this to me one time. She told me I was invited to a party given by someone else. Was young and naive. She had no transportation so I go to pick her up. We are at the party and the hostess came up to me and said in front of everyone, “I didn’t know you were invited!” I was mortified and spent the rest of the evening waiting in the car for her a-- to be ready to go home. To this day, will never accept a second-hand invitation.
4. When they know it means a lot to you and still don't show up.
My 16th birthday party. I invited three of my closest friends to hang at the mall, eat some food and generally have a good time. We were all awkward teen nerdy girls and I thought it was a great way to spend time together and visit the cool bookstore nearby.
My mum initially didn't like the idea of it, she was tight on money as well, so didn't want me to treat my friends either. I was stubborn and insisted she give me money so I could treat them.
The big day came and none of them turned up. I didn't have a phone on me to tell my mum to come get me. We had already agreed on an earlier time, so I had to wait for her. She turned up and immediately knew that something was wrong when I gave her the money in full. She never asked me about it but I think she knew. Everytime I think about that day it makes me feel so bad.
When my mother died, I'd let two friends know (of course) and one was even kind enough to fly out and said that she wanted to be there for the service.The other friend was working that day, but said she'd meet at the house afterwards.
Neither showed to the service. The first friend spent the entire time hanging out with a guy she'd been trying to sleep with for a few years, as she used to live in the area. They showed at the house well after they said they would, talked about the guy friend 1 was trying to bang, and left within an hour. They also kept talking about how hot my uncle was, which I was so overwhelmed with having just planned my first service, I was a bit miffed.
I haven't heard from either in a few years.
5. When they don't notice you've been in the hospital for half a year.
Five years ago, I had an accident at work and ended up spending six months in the hospital to recover from what should have been a paralyzing back injury.
Finally get out of the hospital, get home, and find that my housephone is showing hundreds of missed calls, all from my 'friend' call her up and she starts SCREAMING at me over the phone how I could just forget being friends with her when I can't even be bothered to pick up the phone for 'a year.'
I just hung up, and a mutual friend of ours relayed a simple message: "If you actually read my FB posts, you would know I just spent 6 months in the ICU with no cellphone."
Took her like two weeks to come crawling back when she needed money for her car payment.
6. When you drop everything for them but they can't be bothered to lend you a hand.
A bit late to the thread, but I had a friend who lives literally one street away from me. He called me at 4 a.m. to help him jump start his car in the rain, so he could get home from his girlfriend's house. Even though I was sleeping, I dropped everything and went to jump his car. About a month or so later, I'm preparing to go to class and now my battery had died and I needed a jump. I called him up. He vaguely says he'll be there in a little bit. Now keep in mind our houses are about a ~45 second drive apart. Half an hour goes by, he's not there. An hour.... two.. three.. five..nothing. Didn't answer his f--king phone for 5 hours.. When he finally did answer, I found out he went to get sushi with a different friend AFTER he said he would help me. What pissed me off the most, was that he literally drove PAST my house to go get sushi. I'm still bitter about that. Said 'friend' can go f--k himself.
Oh. of course I wasn't invited to get sushi...
7. When they call you their best friend right after meeting you.
I had one like that! She also invited me over for dinner at her parents' place (she lived with them) and we ate all together and everything and afterwards she told me, "Now that you've met my parents, when do I get to meet yours?" We had classes together and had met maybe three weeks prior. Turned out she was a jealous and possessive person who compartmentalized her friends (you could be friends with her but you couldn't get friendly with other people she considered her friends or she'd get jealous and then organize outing with each of us separately). She had many other red flags mentioned here too (only reached out to talk about her problems, talked trash about her other friends, etc. She also left me alone at the airport with my broken phone and no way to call the people who were supposed to pick me up after we got back from vacation because her ride had arrived). She truly was a whole circus of s--t.
8. When they take your money and run.
I got rid of several “friends” over the years for a $20 bill. These are people that I would hang out with on a daily basis, until I loaned them $20. Didn’t see the person for a year or better. Finally ran into them, and they apologized for not getting me back the money, and say they will do it soon.
No, keep the $20, and f--k off. You're not a real friend, and it only cost me $20 to figure that out. Best $20 spent.
9. When you're the token friend.
When they introduce you to other people as their ___ friend. Insert “gay” or “black” or “Mexican” or whatever.
10. When they have friendship double-standards.
Friend in high school was very anti-bullying, participated in programs and stuff. Going as far as to duct tape her mouth on The Day of Silence.
But she would make fun of mutual friends behind their backs. I brushed it off for a while.
Until one day she showed me a FB page she made of a girl she didn't like, it was all about calling her a slutty fata--.
I told her it was f--ked up and she said, 'Well she screwed me over, she deserves it!' I stood my ground for the first time, and said it's still f--ked up.
She rolled her eyes and started to target me [the] next day.
It lasted years and I ended up being alienated from all my other "friends" for a long time because they believed whatever bulls--t excuse she came up with to justify bullying me.
Anyway, if a "friend" is being hypocritical on bullying, then they are a bully covering their tracks. You will be a victim if you don't follow them.
Despite the years of loneliness, it was worth standing up to her bulls--t.
11. When they're not happy about your successes.
I told a work friend that I lost a bit of weight since switching a medication and how I felt like my clothes fit better... Her response was never, "Aw that's great!" But instead she said, "You're the girl who thinks she's a size 8 but is actually a 14."
Ok first off, excuse me WHAT?!
She laughed hysterically and said "I'm only joking!"
No. This s--t ain't cute.
12. When they talk behind your other friends' backs.
My wife has a friend who always sends screenshots of other people's conversations and constantly talks them down while pretending to be their best friends. If they're talking crap about other people to you, then they're talking crap about you to other people.
If they s--t-talk about people in their lives, they'll talk s--t on you. It's the same adage as "If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you."
People's personalities don't magically change for you specifically.
It goes the other way too — if you find someone who is supportive and generally talks good about people, chances are they would make a great friend and will talk good about you.
Same thing with yourself. Do you generally think and talk about the bad of the people around you, or are you supportive and see good in those around you?
13. When they push you off a 60 ft. bridge.
No, but seriously.