I don't know about you, dear reader, but as I get closer and closer to hitting 30, I notice a lot of my friends are getting married, and those that aren't are just dying to join the club. Friends of mine who've been in seven-year relationships are getting antsy about their boyfriends' proposals, especially as their friends seem to be getting whisked away left and right to tie the knot.
And it's hard for women out there — if we want to carry children, well, there's the stress of that, and even if we don't, we've been conditioned since birth to think we have to somehow be the more submissive and passive party in the relationship. Which makes it hard when you are ready to get married but are afraid to pop the question, especially with this 2012 study saying that no heterosexual man wants to be proposed to.
But what good is science when you have the testimonials of 15 happily married couples where the woman went through with proposing to their boyfriends? People got together on a recent AskReddit to share their stories of their unconventional proposals changed their lives for the better.
1. "This was YOUR idea."
"Pretty good about it I guess because I said yes.
Even better now because 20 years or so later I get to say, 'Hey this was YOUR idea'"
2. "It was humbling."
"It was humbling. She had a learning disability and wrote, and then read out loud her proposal. She was terrified of blowing it, and it was the most important moment in her life. We were both in our forties, and I was blown away because after being with her for seven years, I didn't know how important it was to her. We're in our sixties now. Still humbled."
3. "Definitely made my life easier."
"Okay so a few weeks after we met, we were taking a shower together and she corners me and says 'So are we dating? Are you okay with us dating? It’s okay if you say no. Will you go be my boyfriend?'
Of course being the absolute specimen of an gentleman that I am, I say 'Well you caught me with my butt hole out, I can’t say no.'
Fast forward four years. We are camping. The nearest town is 60 miles away, the car is a few miles away, it’s cold, and............I’m changing clothes. I’m butt naked in the tent.
She says 'So baby I’ve been thinking.' I say 'Oh lord let me at least put my pants on.' She says 'Could you see yourself marrying me? Have you thought about it before? Will you marry me?'
I said, 'Well you caught me with my butthole out, I can’t say no!'
She thought that was hilarious, then we had a good long chat about it. On track for getting married in April. I think it’s pretty cool that she did it both times. Definitely made my life easier and I’m sure I’m under appreciating the clarity."
4. "How did you propose?"
"Just awesome. The most curious thing was that when I told other people we were engaged about 80 percent of the people would ask 'how did you propose' and then I had to explain I didn't."
5. "My husband's shy and withdrawn and I'm loud and outgoing"
"My husband's shy and withdrawn and I'm loud and outgoing. I asked him to marry me after six years of dating (from 13/14) and he was very quiet a moment (long enough for me to get worried) because he likes to think everything through. When he finally answered, it was just this quiet, deliberate 'Okay.' From the outside I know it doesn't sound whirlwind-romantic-novel, but it makes me smile ear-to-ear at the memory. We're celebrating our 11th anniversary in October and we're still so in love with one another that it's actually kinda embarrassing."
6. "He glowed for days"
"So I was the girlfriend... he glowed for days afterward. Looked up the statistics and glowed some more. He didn't care that it's typically the guy's job to do the asking, he was too busy being overwhelmed by the fact that I love him enough to ask."
7. "I was made the happiest man"
"I was made the happiest man that day. Twice!
Long story if you are interested: It was the day of my final exam of my three-year apprenticeship. She took the day off and was more nervous than me when we had coffee together. I was sure she was nervous for the same reason as I was and didn’t pay much attention as my mind was occupied by the exam. Two hours later: I passed the exam and we were standing outside with a colleague having a smoke and talking. And talking. And another cigarette. I was just so relieved and felt light as air and happy to not have a single thing on my mind than 'I did it.'
My girlfriend though was shuffling her feet not really taking part in the conversation. After what must have been hours for her, she asked what I wanted to do. Going downtown, shopping or grab something to eat, I didn’t care at all! She drove to the record store first. We walked to the window to have a look at the record players as we were thinking about getting a new one. 'How do you like that one?' she asked pointing at one in the back. There was sign next to it with my name on it. And bright as I am I said 'It has my name on it‘ 'What else?' It had 'Let's face the music and dance' written on it. I just stared blank at it and then at her having not the foggiest. She said 'Now that you are a technician I wanted to ask you if you also want to be my man?' I said I would love to! Hugs and kisses. When I looked at the player again I noticed three of the staff standing behind it smiling and cheering with a bottle of champagne and glasses. It was a 11/10 day!"
8. "I designed elaborate bottle labels"
"My now-husband (I am also a husband) was clueless when I proposed. He's a big beer nerd, so I worked with a local brewery to relabel his allotment of a new beer release — I designed elaborate bottle labels with a proposal full of beer puns. We went to the brewpub with some of our closest friends to 'have some beers' while he picked up his allotment. I encouraged him to check the bottles, and I got down on one knee, waiting for him to figure it out. He removed a bottle and looked it over for a moment, then slid it back into the box, and said, "Huh, they put my name on it! That's something!" while I stared in disbelief and our friends laughed their a-ses off. I insisted he look again. Eventually he figured it out, called me an a--hole, and said yes, to cheers from the entire bar."
9. "What would you say if..."
"My gf walked up behind me while I was cooking, hugged me, and said 'What would you say if I asked you to marry me?' I said 'I'd probably say yes' We've been married 22 years and Im still waiting for her to actually propose..."
10. "I was worried that he would feel emasculated"
"I wasn't really planning on proposing but one day while surfing the web I found this ring that was exactly his style and even had customizable runes (he is a die hard lover of all viking stuff) and I knew I just had to get it. I bought two rings, invited him to our favorite restaurant and after dessert I popped the question. No, I didn't get down on one knee or announce it for everyone to hear. My husband got so happy and yelled out 'oh sh-t awesome!' when I showed him the rings aaaaaand.... He was such in high spirit that he decided that we should have a bake off. Spent the rest of the evening gaming and stuffing ourself with cake and buns :-)))
I was worried that he would feel emasculated and stuff but he said that he's really happy to have such a cool engagement ring and he has never been one to think that by being a MAN you had to do MANLY stuff and not be 'overshadowed' by women. He still tell me almost daily how much he likes being married and now we have a kid coming our way so I guess everything is really nice!"
11. "Hey wanna get married?"
"She just said one day 'Hey wanna get married?' Me: 'Ah yeah, sort it out if you want' We got married the next Friday at the courthouse. Had a few beers at the local pub and went home.
We are pretty relaxed."
12. "I may never have done it"
"I was ecstatic to be engaged to her. I was planning on asking her in six months time too. So it worked out. She did it on my golden birthday at a music festival, so needless to say I was quite inebriated. Right before she did it, we sat on a bench and she asked me 'So, how are you feeling?'
I replied, 'F--------cked up!'
Then she got on one knee, and I started crying.... it's two years later and we're still doing the same shenanigans without the proposing and crying. I feel a complete indifference that she was the one to do it. People are almost always shocked when they hear it. Except my dad's family, they're so open and awesome. But honestly with my semi-apparent commitment issues I may never have done it in the long run who knows, so better that she did!"
13. "She knew I wouldn't do it"
"My wife proposed to me 4+ years ago because she knew I wouldn't do it.
Secretly, I had always told my friends that the only way I was going to get married was if a girl proposed to me... As far as I know, she didn't know this.
14. "I said 'Hang on, that was my line'"
"I had the ring in my hand, I was saying how happy she made me, and how I wanted us to be together forever.
And then she interrupted and said 'will you marry me?' And I said yes and put a ring on her finger.
Then I said 'hang on, that was my line.' And she said 'sorry, I got excited.' Then she cried a lot."
15. "Oh, well I guess that still counts"
"I proposed to my now-husband and he was fine about it. We had talked about it a lot before so when I asked him to marry me (it was spontaneous, so there wasn’t much fanfare) he was just like 'sure!' And I had to explain that I was seriously proposing right now. I don’t think I would have proposed if I thought he was the kind of guy who worried about traditional roles like that.
The only time my proposing has ever been a problem has been for other people. When I told a colleague that I had gotten engaged the night before she was really excited, until I mentioned that I was the one who had done the asking. She said — and this is a direct quote — 'Oh, well I guess that still counts.' :/
TLDR: Other people have been butts about it, but me and my other half are fine/thrilled, and that’s all that counts."