Henry Warren's son Sam recently lost a tooth, and Warren decided the tooth fairy needed to respond in a way that encouraged his son to get better at dental hygiene. The resulting letter will prepare Sam for a lifetime of dealing with dodgy gym membership contracts.
The letter reads:
"Dear Mr. Warren,
This letter is to inform you that I have now taken receipt of your tooth and it is being duly processed in our system.
You will have noticed there has been a delay in your payment for the tooth. Mr. Warren, I have to inform you that this is due to the condition in which we found said tooth. We expect a certain amount of wear and tear on the teeth we appraise. However in this case your tooth had to be referred up to the committee for further analysis.
We believe this is due to the lack of care and attention by yourself. We have detected more than trace amounts of Fanta™ and residual amounts of both cereal and chocolate which have not been removed by appropriate brushing technique. We recommend you review your practice here as a matter of urgency.
Mr. Warren we will accept the tooth on this occasion but we need your assurances that the condition of your next tooth will be significantly better or we will withhold payment.
Barry T. Tooth Fairy"
After the ingenious letter went viral on Twitter, Henry Warren spoke to BuzzFeed about Sam's reaction to the tooth fairy's correspondence. Apparently, Sam was "rather chastened," but "one is never too young to be exposed to petty bureaucracy." After all, the Warren family is British, and it apparently is the British way.
"Whilst the tone may have come across as a touch harsh, we think people should take the time to appreciate how hard it is being a tooth fairy in Theresa May’s Britain," said Henry. "The Department of Tooth Fairies (DoTF) has not been immune to austerity. Barry’s hours are long, the pay is poor, (the free dental is obviously a plus) but overall it’s a tough gig."
"We’re sure that Barry was just processing the tooth through the proper channels," Henry said. "He’s a stickler. One has to be these days."
From the Twitter response, it seems like Henry is inspiring other parents to take similar action. Pity the poor children who will get similar letters from pedantic tooth fairies in the future.
"Sam is a very happy little chap," Henry told BuzzFeed News. "He likes riding his bike, playing Xbox, and shooting his long-suffering father with Nerf guns. He would like to be either an entrepreneur or a ninja when he grows up."