Being in love is great and wonderful and all, but once you end up cohabitating with that love, they also become your roommate. And who hasn't wanted to scream at their roommate at some point? Then add in a few kids, who are basically mini-roommates who pee their pants, and things can get really volatile. Being a parent is never easy, but it's especially hard on the person who picks up most of the slack around the house. Let's admit it—that person is almost always the mom in a heterosexual relationship.
Constance Hall is a mom blogger with a popular following online. She often posts screeds that hit a nerve, and her most recent one about fighting with her husband over house work has set a lot of people off. Hall was frustrated, because her husband wasn't doing enough to keep the house clean and the family functioning. She says it was suggested she make him a list of things to do, and she tried it. But she just ended up even more upset.
Recently while bitching about the fact that I do absolutely everything around my house with a bunch of friends all singing "preach Queen", someone said to me "if you want help you need to be specific... ask for it. People need lists, they aren't mind readers."
So I tried that, asking.. specifics.."Can you take the bin out?"
"Can you get up with the kids? I'm just a little tired after doing it on my own for 329 years"
"Can you go to woolies? I've done 3 loads of washing and made breaky, lunch, picked up all the kids school books, dealt with the floating shit in the pond."
And yeah, she was right... shit got done.But I was exhausted, just keeping the balls in the air.. remembering what needs to be asked to be done, constant nagging..And do you know what happened the minute I stopped asking...?
NOTHING. Again. And so I've come to the conclusion that it's not your job to ask for help, it's not my job to write fucking lists..
We have enough god dam jobs and teaching someone how to consider me and my ridiculous work load is not one of them. Just do it. Just think about each other, what it takes to run the god dam house.
Is one of you working while the other puts up their feet? Is one of you hanging out with mates while the other peels the thirtieth piece of fruit for the day? Is one of you carrying the weight?Because when the nagging stops, when the asking dies down, when there are no more lists....All your left with is silent resentment.
And that my friends is relationship cancer..It's not up to anyone else to teach you consideration. That's your job. Just do the fucking dishes without being asked once in a while mother fuckers.
Yes! The dream! Someone doing what they should without being asked!
Hall's talking about the labor of being a manager and having to keep track of everything at once. Some people like being managers, but most people just fill the role because no one else is taking any initiative. At least, it seems like that is a common feeling, judging by the comments on Hall's post:
So, which one are you? A resentful manager? Or someone who needs to get their butt off the couch and vacuum?
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