We all have secrets we've been holding onto for the majority of our adults lives. Whether it's a small regret, like eating from the pie your grandma made years ago and then blaming it on your younger sibling, or something bigger like the last words a dying relative said to you, these secrets we're taking to the grave often eat us up on the inside.
And even though there's no person on the face of the planet we'd open up to about them, the vastness and anonymity of the internet often make it feel like a safe space. Nineteen people opened up about private anecdotes they'd never tell a soul but felt comfortable sharing with strangers on the web.
The secrets range from hilarious to heart-breaking, but they all have one thing in common: they're pretty darn juicy. So juicy, in fact, you'll have to read these stories to the end.
1. Yeah, I definitely wouldn't tell her.
When I was in high school, I was at a carnival with two good friends of mine. We were running around and started to get a bit rowdy. When the three of us got tangled up and fell over, one of my friends bit a wart off my hand and blood started gushing everywhere. Everywhere. It didn’t hurt me literally at all, but I had to put on an Oscar-worthy performance and pretend it hurt like all hell.
I saw that as far more preferable than looking her in the eyes and telling her that she ate a wart off my hand.
2. So our parents *weren't* lying about the importance of dental hygiene.
I tell people (if they ask) that I lost my top set of teeth to a genetic problem but the truth is I refused to brush them as a teenager and they all fell out in probably the worst way ever.
One day, I was eating toast and my whole top set of teeth just bent out of my mouth with the bread. They didn't even break, they just bent out and I had to have them removed by a less-than-impressed dentist.
I have to wear a denture now (I'm 30+) and forever too because [who] can afford implants? I'm really ashamed about that.
Brush your teeth people!
3. Exes can step in to save your life.
I am a man and was abused in a relationship for over a year. Physically and mentally. I felt trapped, had given up all control in the relationship, and she controlled all of the finances. We were living together and I felt I had no options except suicide.
I ended in confiding in my ex-wife, and she offered and I accepted to sleep on her couch until I was able to get back on my feet. I’m college educated and make $130+k / yr and was basically homeless for 3 months.
Five years later, after some therapy and a short stint on medication, I’m happy and re-married. I’ll always be in debt to my ex and she knows if she ever needs anything to just call.
Here is the thing no ones knows: after getting back on my feet, I pre-purchased a long term, term life insurance policy on my self through work and she is the beneficiary. We were married for over 14 years and always made better friends than a couple, and if something happens to me I know she will be ok financially. I felt it was the best thing I could do for a lifelong friend that really helped save my life. It will come with a thank you note my attorney holds.
4. False paternity tests and all.
When my wife was 16 she was raped by some freak stalker she had. Six months later she finds out she's pregnant and it's too late for an abortion and her parents won't let her put it up for adoption. About a year and a half after her daughter was born, I met her and fell in love with both of them. After a few months of dating, I told her I wanted to adopt her daughter and she agreed, but we both also agreed that we want everyone to think she's my biological daughter because my family has issues with racism (I'm white, they're not) and keeping their mouths shut. So we came up with a back story and I made a false paternity test. Nobody seems to question it. That was over 10 years ago and I love my daughter to death and stand by the promise I made to treat her like my own.
5. So THIS is the kid!
When I was younger I pooped in a waterslide and saw my poop floating the entire day in the pool on the end of the slide.
6. This story is so potent, I'm cry-laughing while I type this.
I evacuated my elementary school with a single fart.
When I was in elementary school, I would fake-sick all the time just to stay home. But eventually my mom decided that the only way I could stay home was if I had a fever because I’ve “Cried Wolf” too many times.
One morning in 6th grade I had a killer stomach ache, and I tried my hardest to convince my mom to let me stay home by crying my eyes out. She tested me for a fever, and said “No fever, no home-day.” So I sat in class, trying my hardest not to cry in front of my classmates. (Side note: I’m notorious for having horrible farts, each one is seriously like a jar of sulfur with rotten eggs inside that was baking in the sun for six hours just got opened. I blame my grandma, cause her farts smell just like mine).
Anyways, I’m sitting in class, about halfway through the day, when I feel a fart coming. I hold it for over a minute but it doesn’t go away, and my butt muscles were tired, so I finally decide to release and hope for the best. Luckily it was silent, but A LOT of gas came out.
It seriously lasted for like a second and a half. Instantly I felt better, but then I caught a whiff of it and almost gagged. It didn’t smell like my normal farts but I could still tell it was mine. The girl next to me smells it next, and noisily stands up and walks backwards, looking everywhere with a disgusted face. My class just kinda looks at her all confused, then my fart hits the kid in front of me in the face and he screams “EEEWWWW!!! WHAT IS THAT SMELL??!?!??!” My teacher stands up from his desk and walks over to the kid, but before he gets to him he smells it, and his face tenses up, and he pauses for a second before saying “Alright everybody, it smells like the school has a gas leak. I need all of you to cover your noses with your shirts and walk out onto the field, just like a fire drill. Okay?” So we all stand up, cover our faces and walk out of the classroom and onto the field. My teacher closes the door behind us and runs down to the administrative office.
So we’re out on the grass, sitting where we normally go during a fire drill, when the school's fire alarms go off. I watch all these people, all my friends, coming out of the doors and walk onto the grass. I’m silently watching as teachers take roll, and I sit there as the janitor puts on one of those blue face masks and runs in to make sure no one is in the bathrooms. I hear multiple sirens approaching, and just watch as two fire trucks and one ambulance arrive, and shortly after our D.A.R.E. Officer. I just watch, in pure embarrassment, as a few firefighters in full gear walk into the school, presumably heading for my classroom to run some tests, while some teachers hand out otter pops someone just got from the Walmart down the street.
All the parents were called, and most came down to the school and took their kid home by the time school was supposed to get out. My mom came about an hour after the fire trucks arrived, and checked me out at the table and list they had set up. On the way home my mom said “What an eventful day! I bet you'er sure glad you went to school today, aren’t ‘cha?”
I vowed to myself that I would never feel embarrassment like that again, by sharing this story. But given the anonymity, I feel like this can be an exception.
7. Dark family secrets.
My dad was shot and killed when I was young. Over the years, I began to wonder if my maternal grandpa did it to protect our family (my dad was very abusive and threatened our whole extended family when my mom left him). A few years ago, an article was published in my hometown paper suspecting my maternal great-uncle, a former cop, of killing him. It all makes sense. Access to weapons, the ability to cover it up, this uncle has a history of being suspected of other crimes, and the fact that this great-uncle was very helpful to my mom over the years, giving money, visiting a lot when I was younger, etc. Almost like he felt responsible.
My great-uncle is now dead and my mom won't speak about it. I think she knows.
Hate talking to anyone IRL about this, it's so seedy and sad. Only ever told my last long-term partner.
8. Get it girl!
I love singing but I'm too shy to do it where anyone can hear me (at least, anyone here), so during downtime when I'm not studying, working, in class, or with friends, I get in my car and drive in circles around the town, with no destination, belting the songs at the top of my lungs.
I don't mean that I take a detour on my way home or on my way to get groceries. No. I mean I actively get up, put on my jacket, and get in my car with the intention of driving in a loop around town before returning home, having stopped nowhere.
9. Secret from a tender soul.
It's a small thing... but a while ago I came across a baby chick that had a broken wing and was clearly very sick, and was suffering. I love animals a lot so I decided the best thing was to put it out of its misery...
I'm a full-grown man but I cried like a b---h afterwards....
I know it's not such a huge thing like other stories on here... but it really hurt my heart and I've never told anyone about how it made me cry so much.
10. This is a situation that needs solving. STAT.
I don’t really want to be with my girlfriend romantically, but she’s my best friend, and I don’t want to lose her from my life, so I won’t break it off.
11. The struggles of femininity, kegels, and pelvic floor exercises.
I am a grown woman and sometimes can‘t control my bladder and pee my pants a little bit.
12. Family ties are tough.
I pretend that my relationship with my father doesn't bother me. He was horrible to me growing up and has only really become involved with me since I had my son (who is now 15 months). He's wonderful with him though. We only ever used to have a short conversation once every few months, he was ashamed of me.
I desperately wish I had actually had a dad growing up. But it's been such an absent thing for so long in my life I'm not sure how I'd deal with it.
Last night my father was tagged in a picture with a girl I went to school with. She posted "the next best thing to my dad." Her dad had passed away many years ago from cancer and he was a great guy. It really made me sad that she, along with other people my age, talk about how wonderful my dad is and how fun and helpful he is to them. I wish I knew what was wrong with me in his eyes.
My baby has a wonderful father though and I take comfort in watching them together.
13. I never want to use a Port-a-Potty again.
One time, I accidentally dropped the keys to my golf cart in a Port-a-Potty and had to stick my hand in their to fish them out. It was the afternoon and had been used all day by a huge tournament. I thought of just burning my arm off afterwards.
14. Move over, girl with the dragon tattoo.
My cousin dated some abusive guy when she was 20 or so. Everyone in my family knew he was but nobody really did anything. We tried talking to police but since she denied it nothing could be done (we live in a European country, not sure what the laws are in the US).
I'm not on the greatest terms with my extended family. Nothing major, we just never saw eye to eye on politics and things like that (I'm liberal, but they are religious in a secular country and somewhat conservative; although not "American Conservative"-tier, they still support things like gay rights) so I never got close to them growing up.
But one night she calls me crying her eyes out, telling me she can't reach my aunt (her mom) or her dad, and that her husband has gone further than before. I'm not gonna detail it here but it went further than the usual slap the family often ignored and just got pissy about.
I go to pick her up, tell her it's all right, all that stuff and I leave her to sleep over on my couch.
But as the night goes on I just get madder and madder. I'm not close to my cousin, as I've said, but this is someone I grew up with. Our parents arranged for us to play together as little kids, and I couldn't get over how this [person] kept hurting her and nobody was doing anything about it, just hosting her on their couches and talking behind their backs about it on family gatherings when drunk enough.
So in the early hours of the morning I went back to her place and beat her husband damn near to death. I've always been a big guy, but he hasn't been the same since, and she broke up with him a few weeks afterwards since he couldn't really lay his hands on her at the time while healing.
She knows what I did because she asked me what the hell had happened when she saw me the next morning with my hands all torn up and face busted, but I just said I'd gone to my boxing gym before she woke up and we didn't talk about it anymore.
She's with another guy now that's really nice to her and they've got two beautiful kids together.
We still don't really hang out except for pleasantries at family functions but she's a lot happier these days and I don't regret what I did.
15. I wrote a book about you!
My psychologically abusive former husband is upset that I seem to have an ongoing supply of money to counter his legal attacks on me, and to pay for school fees, orthodontics and dance lessons for the children (which he can’t afford despite living with his mother, and having been paid out for his share in the house.)
Truth is, I published an e-book. I wrote a rollicking comedy that’s 100 percent based on him and his zany family, and the proceeds are keeping me financially secure enough that he can do nothing to rock my boat!
16. "All I tried to do is help but I think I broke the law doing it."
I pulled my best friend out of his truck after he crashed and rolled it into a ditch. He lost control going around a sharp corner (most probably speeding) and ended up sideways facing the wrong way after rolling into a telephone [pole] thing. His parents turned up before the police and told me to drive him home to hide him. I obliged not only because I got told to do it but also I've never been a witness / first responder to a road traffic accident. (Basically I panicked and didn't know what to do).
I now live with the fact that I drove a drunk driver away from a crash / crime scene. To hide him from the police to sober him up. Am I to blame? All I tried to do is help but I think I broke the law doing it.
17. Your secret's safe with us, hon.
I won $250,000 in the lottery. Don't want my family to know because they will ask for money, lol!
18. Regrets, I've had a few.
When I was in elementary school I stole all the balls out of the computer lab mouses and threw them into the creek behind the school. The computer lab was closed for the rest of the school year because apparently it wasn’t in the budget to buy 40 new mouses.
I still feel like [bad] 19 years later.
19. Heart-breaking young love.
It's not so much a secret I completely won't share, but only three people know the full truth behind it while everyone that has suspicions can only rely on rumors.
When I was 11, I met a girl at a summer camp (for soccer I think). We were friends at first, but we got closer after talking more. We both felt left out of our friends, both agreed that we had too many friends, and both agreed that we would rather have one true friend. We were each other's truest friend from then on (about a month after the camp). Two years passed, during which we hung out a LOT. Think about 2-4 hours after school, walking to a library or similar place. I don't know about her side but I always told my parents that I was 'studying with friends'.
They believed me, since I was a relatively honest child and I had the third highest grades in the school. We loved reading books together, either sitting across from each other in the library nook or side by side on a couch. When I was about a month away from 13, I asked her if she would go out with me. She said yes before I could even make it awkward. We were dating from then on, and it was probably the happiest I have been in my life. We weren't the couple making out in the bathrooms, but we were the couple sending coded messages through Reverse Pickpocketing.
I am still convinced that we had similar interests to the point of identical. She and I both loved cardistry (like card tricks), lock picking, and piano. We both loved fantasy and adventure books. We loved scary movies with friends but Disney movies and musicals when alone or together. Literally the sappiest romantic couple, looking back.
About January, which was 6 months before I would turn 14, she told me that she had heart problems as a child. She said that she was telling me this because she heard from her mum that they might, not definitely, but probably were getting worse. I told her that it would be fine, that she was strong enough to overcome it. That's exactly how it was. From February to May, she was getting better. Her doctors gave her medication and she took it regularly.
Then, in June, the doctors told her (she then told me) that she was almost completely cured. On July 1st, she died of fatal arrhythmia (heart beating too fast for the body). Her father rushed her to the hospital, but by the time he got there, she apparently had "severe tissue damage" or some [crap], so they didn't try to revive her. I was in shock for a few weeks.
I would find myself dialing her number, writing something funny in code to give her, or trying to text her. I kept forgetting that she was no longer there. My friends all told me "I'm sorry for your loss" or "I hope you get over it" or "You'll still find someone". Wow, they didn't even want to know much about it.
I was 14, and I started cutting. It seemed better to me, like my pain was being leaked out in pulses. I stopped cutting and talking about 7 months in, when we moved to a different state.
I didn't talk as in I wouldn't respond to small talk (didn't see a point) and would only respond to direct questions that weren't too sensitive (eg "What is your name"). Eventually, I tried to move on. It was a year later, when I was 15, that I tried using my voice and smiling. Couldn't really do either well. My voice was hoarse, and smiling kinda reminded me of her, and it looked fake even to me.
I tried to talk and the therapist was happy, because she thought the meet-ups helped me. They didn't. I was trying to get myself up. I did, in the end, manage to get myself back on track. I started studying and exercising again.
I started reading, albeit alone. It was like a part of me, a crucial part, was ripped out, and I was nursing the wound. It hurt more than I can describe, but overall, I think I'm mostly healed. Two things that have stayed with me were her last words, which are "I mean, I know we'll always be together. We can win anything together, right?" and the nightmares. Her name was Tanya.