There are a lot of amazing things about this land we call The United States of America that no other country can boast. For one, it's pretty darn big. You can drive over 2,700 miles from coast to coast, and everyone will speak the same language, more or less.
Along the way, you'll see majestic national parks. You'll experience different states that hold different people with different views and upbringings. You'll also encounter the same fast food and chain restaurants. That's not to say American cuisine isn't great - we have some of the best (and most food) in the world.
But there's just something about gross and decadent food that's undeniably as American as the Liberty Bell, as tackle football, as a contempt for taxes and a distrust of large governing bodies with absolute power.
The same wonderment you'll experience in the Grand Canyon is tantamount to the wonder you'll experience when walking down the various junk food aisles at a gas station convenience store. There are some things that are just undeniably 'Murican, and these are a few of them.
You think they got sparkling that taste like chocolate chip cookies in Italy? Puh-lease.
When mechanically separated, shiny, salty meat isn't enough - you gotta add artificial cheese to bring out its true flavor.
We're all about combining flavor profiles, here in 'Murica.
Meat and cheese. Meat and cheese. You can never have enough and if you can, well, I'm sorry, you don't understand 'Murica.
You see, in 'Murica, peanut doesn't just go with jelly and chocolate.
If you think you like mayo as much as we do, then I've got some news for you, bucko.
We don't just make chocolate covered bacon in America, we sell it with domineering monster trucks.
And if you want a hamburger patty and a hotdog, you don't have to compromise and just pick one. 'Murica has got you covered.
When you want some savory goodness...but in soda form.
You can get anything in camouflage...and I mean ANYTHING.
Spice up your BLT with some bacon cotton candy. You're welcome, courtesy of 'Murica.
We can make anything into an artery-clogging dessert, even FREEDOM.
Why drink coke in the first place? Just guzzle down on this on a hot afternoon.
Regular bread just won't do for gross sandwiches in 'Murica.
When you cook everything in butter, after a while, you just cut out the middle man.
I mean we'll deep fry anything, man.
That doesn't mean we can't get classy here and there.
The 'Murica-ness doesn't just stop at foods and restaurants, either. We'll turn sports cars into monstertrucks, easy peasy.
Even if it's clearly a terrible idea.
'Murica's so awesome sometimes it's the only thing you want to see.
We weren't joking about our love for guns, either. Just having one will get you fed.
In fact you can go and pick it up in this.
We like to celebrate the death of our enemies here in 'Murica by looking at their dead faces when we spark up.
What's a bayonet? We only know chainsaws these days thank you very much.
'Muricans have a refined sense of smell that only respond to the most pleasing olfacory allures.
We're still fighting to make these standard in our vehicles in 'Murica. Cupholders aren't enough.
We also understand that the same philosophy behind the Mullet Hairstyle can be applied to fine tableware.
It's called 'Murican fashion, look it up sweetie.
Even when we sit down, we let freedom ring.