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18 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week April 8th 2017

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Nov. 18 2019, Updated 2:24 p.m. ET

The truth isn't always stranger than fiction, but in these cases, it totally is.

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1.  Cash-strapped Brazilian football team use shirt numbers to advertise special offers at the local supermarket 

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When you gotta make money, you get creative.

2.  Scotland could leave the UK, and join Canada instead, says author 

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How the hell would that work?

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3.  Conservatives and liberals united only by interest in dinosaurs, study shows 

I mean they are pretty awesome.

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4.  In Thailand, blood sacrifice is out. Strawberry Fanta is in. 

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Thank God, blood isn't as refreshing as it sounds.

5.  Sensitive Brian Williams waxes poetic about the beauty of Syrian air strike 

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"The bombs bursting in aiiiiir."

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6.  Wealthy Residents Complain Their Dialing Code Doesn't Reveal How Rich They Are 

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I can't share an area code with plebs!

7.  Tennessee lawmaker tries to sell gun at downtown lemonade stand 

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When life gives you lemons...sell guns kids.

8.  Tree believed to have hidden Jews during Holocaust voted Europe's best 

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There's a best tree award?

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9.  Cannibalism Study Finds People Are Not That Nutritious 

Just when I was getting used to this new diet.

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10.  'My fertility app made me too stressed to conceive' 

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Try a de-stress app.

11.  New Zealand Post will start delivering KFC to beat mail slump 

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Props to New Zealand for keeping up with the times.

12.  Israel postpones vote due to Britney Spears concert 

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Who knew the Israelites were so down with Britney?

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13.  Why Some Opioid Addicts Overdose on a Diarrhea Drug 

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What a sh**y way to go out.

14.  Man In Drunk Lives Matter Shirt Charged With Drunken Driving 

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For him, it's a lifestyle.

15.  It movie: Trailer for Stephen King adaptation angers professional clowns 

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You figured they'd just laugh it off.

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16.  New Zealand PM sparks outrage for putting tinned spaghetti on pizza: 'Impeach him' 

I wish this was the extent of the problems with our nation's leader.

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17.  Graffiti dying out as artists switch to social media, say academics 

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Tag a different kind of wall.

18.  Oregon Lawmaker Advocates For Removing Ban On Political Duels 

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Put up or shut up bro.

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