LogoLogo
Copyright ©2018 Distractify, Inc. All rights reserved.
Share on Facebook
Random Article
Image

This 'The Santa Clause' Fan Theory Has People's Heads Spinning

This 'The Santa Clause' Fan Theory Has People's Heads Spinning
User Avatar
7 months ago

Every so often I'll be browsing Netflix with my wife and kid and happen across a movie I was fond of in my childhood. I always get excited and want to share the joy of the film my son and see what his reaction to it is, AKA, will this kid have some taste or am I raising a classless slob who wouldn't know a good movie if it slapped him in the face.

For the most part, he loves a lot of the same movies I did growing up, and when I watch the movies I'm usually stunned with how oblivious I was to how awful or brilliant they truly were (never in between), but also how incredibly twisted as well.

For example, All Dogs Go To Heaven is a scary movie for kids to watch and deals with a lot of adult themes, something that I only really picked up on when I began seeing clips of it now that I'm a responsible grown-up who pays rent and doesn't race shopping carts through the supermarket...most of the time.

So when Twitter user Hannah Priest started a thread about a deranged holiday movie that manages to hide how deranged it is to viewers, I was interested. Especially because it was a household favorite of my family's: The Santa Clause, starring Tim Allen.

You may say to yourself, "No way, this movie is fun for all ages! It's a holiday classic! It's got a great message!"

Well, that all may or may not be true, but it doesn't change the fact that The Santa Clause is absolutely bonkers...in an evil way. Check out Priest's reasoning here in this epic twitter thread.

People gave their best guesses, but they were ultimately wrong.

It turns out that not just the first film, but the entire series is really, really messed up.

It gets worse.

The horrible truth is finally revealed.

That's right, the North Pole may be full of a bunch of baby-eating cannibals.

Well boiling people down and drinking them is still cannibalism, just of the drinking variety. You don't need to chew human flesh to be labeled a cannibal, OK??

Well, I'm convinced. Are you??

Next Article
RecircRelationships16 Hilarious Ways to Shut Down a Date Immediately

We’ve all been there. You swipe right on Tinder, decide on a place to meet, and realize about five minutes in that leaving your house in the first place was a huge error. Maybe you feel like you’ve been catfished because they look nothing like their photos (surprise!), or perhaps you quickly realize they weren’t being sarcastic in their profile when they said their favorite band was The Beatles. 

Whatever the case may be, there’s no flying spark to indicate this is the person of your dreams. And maybe you’re the mature kind of individual who can finish their drink, bring up the fact that you don’t see a future together, split the bill, and head your own separate ways. Bravo!

But what if you’re not? u/PM_Me_YourTinyBoobs kindly addressed this very question on Reddit when he asked what a person could say to instantly derail a date. The answers ranged from painfully incestuous to downright hilarious. 

Next time you just need to shut it down really quickly and abruptly, these are some perfect lines you can use.

By Pippa Raga
20 hours ago
RecircHumor23 Bartenders Reveal The Drink Stereotypes That Are 100% True

When I had my first drink, I didn't have much of a frame of reference, but I knew that a drink order says a lot about a person. So I chose wisely and just imitated whoever I thought was cool when I was growing up. And there's no one cooler than Clint Eastwood in any Western, ever.

So I ordered myself a whiskey. Neat. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't like the flavor. But I stuck with that drink every time I went out with my friends. I tried different types of whiskey and settled on Jameson. Why? Image. It was all image.

Although I don't really drink that much anymore, when I do, I let my best friend either make my drink or at least decide what I should be sippin' on (he's an amazing bartender), because I clearly have no idea what I'm doing. And he's probably doing me a solid by making me look like I'm somewhat cultured in front of other bartenders. Because, as I've learned in this AskReddit post, there are stereotypes associated with particular drinks and they can get pretty judgmental.

By Mustafa Gatollari
1 day ago
RecircHumorWoman Snaps Photos Of Sleeping BF On Vacation, Asks Internet To Photoshop 'What He Missed'

There are plenty of ways to troll a sleeping friend while on a road trip. My personal favorite is parking the car in front of a light pole or a wall, flashing your lights, and having everyone in the car at the same time scream their heads off as if you're all about to die.

That's one way to wake them up.

But Eria found a different approach to trolling her boyfriend, Scott, that had a much longer effect: she enlisted the help of the I'm Telling God Facebook group in roasting him mercilessly for his soporific ways. As a result, the 'Sleepy Scott' meme was born.

By Mustafa Gatollari
2 days ago