Even people who never watch soccer (i.e. me) tend to get a little crazy around World Cup time. Serious FOMO occurs and I don't want to miss a single game.
Any other time of the year, I wouldn't care about a game between Japan and Colombia, but for some reason, I was upset I couldn't watch the final 20 minutes of that game when my stream messed up. I've never even been to those countries and probably couldn't name a single player on any of their national teams, but I wanted to know everything that happened nonetheless.
I could only imagine what World Cup Fever is like for people whose countries are actually playing. The stress, the anxiety, the depression, the ecstasy of a well-placed goal. It's all very, very exciting.
Missing out on the action of a game is certainly not an option when you're that intense of a fan, but when your country's playing, it's going to look pretty suspicious in the office if everyone suddenly gets sick or calls out of work. Or if there happens to be a "milestone life event" of a loved one or whatever, like a wedding or baptism, it stinks that missing it for a very important game isn't a valid excuse.
So that's when you have someone you trust, like a loved one, provide you with up-to-the-minute coverage of the game so you don't miss a single beat. Which is exactly what this guy asked his girlfriend, Twitter user @lightningstarr to do when England was squaring up against Tunisia.
She obliged his request, but took a few liberties with the "updates," going into a level of detail that was maybe a bit more than he asked for.
And the results were absolutely hilarious.
People loved her tweet.
You NEED to get paid for this. My husband is rolling on the floor 🤣🤣🤣— Kathleen (@KathleenKat2) June 20, 2018
And she responded, still totally in character.
Rolling on the floor? Congratulations on marrying a footballer!— lightningstarr (@lightningstarr) June 20, 2018
In fact, her commentary was so good, it got Americans interested in watching the sport.
Your commentary may actually make me want to follow soccer (I’m American and I don’t “get” the sport!)— Barney_Cannon (@barney_cannon) June 20, 2018
And she provided some key tips they should consider if they decided to become fans of the game.
If you like good hair and people falling over, it's the sport for you!— lightningstarr (@lightningstarr) June 20, 2018
As it turns out, @lightningstarr wasn't the first to provide scintillating, overly-detailed information on soccer matches via text.
Rachel Haird during a Wales game a couple of years back related the same "extraneous" information via WhatsApp, and it was glorious.
Her messages were rife with jokes and awkward metaphors that were hilarious.
Honestly, I'd pay to hear commentary from Haird and @lightningstarr.
The sheer amount of jokes she's able to squeeze in such a short amount of time, and the fact that I'm hearing it in a British announcer's voice while reading them is amazing.
Seems like I'm not the only one who's jonesing for some live commentary from these women.
PLEASE THIS LIVE COMMENTARY FOR ALL THE GAMES!!! WE NEED IT!— ObiwanJacobie 🇿🇦 (@ThisJustinGuy) June 19, 2018
Definitely something to read in between goals.