21 People Who Should Avoid Spelling Bees
Updated Oct. 3 2018, 5:18 p.m. ET
I used to love spelling growing up, because it was a relatively easy class. All I had to do was memorize how the words were spelled and boom, my classmates thought I was smart — or at least they did, up until the fifth grade. Then everyone around me suddenly became unimpressed with my ability to spell meteorologist.
Critical thinking and problem-solving skills were not really my forte, however. So I suffered in math and classes that required more effort than simple spelling. Plus, I wasn't all that good of a speller aloud, I had to write down the word and look at it to see if it "made sense" to me. So whatever "talent" I cultivated for spelling words correctly on the spot waned by the time middle school rolled along, and most of my friends didn't even really view it as a talent, but rather, a nerdish ability that was ultimately pointless. As one classmate told me after I proudly stated aardvark begins with two a's, "Who the heck cares? We could just check a dictionary for the right spelling anyway. Besides, computers now will tell you when you're wrong."
And even though he's technically right, and I do agree that one's ability to spell correctly isn't a reliable way to measure their intelligence, I think even he would shake his head at some of the hilarious errors these people made.
1. The All Of Garden is a comprehensive botanical experience.
2. I knew a guy named Hal A. Peenyo. Solid dude.
3. When picking a restaurant for a date, don't just consider the quality of the food, also think about the umbeyonce.
4. The man was hit so hard that he didn't pull through; he ultimately died of beaties.
5. The Sergeant Animal persuaded me to pet them and give them snacks - then drop down and give them 20 push-ups.
6. C-Jah, a reggae artist, had to be rushed to the hospital from the violent shaking he experienced while recording his new album.
7. Mister Meaner and his spouse, Missus Hippie have been happily married for 30 years despite their different personalities.
8. Once the duck has taken a firm grasp of the avocado in its feathers, it can then prop the quack then moley for the nart chose. You'll be saying scone app the beef in no time!
9. Susan was so dedicated to her prospective new employer, she vowed to funish her references should she get the position, to show how far she was willing to go.
10. The home had Florida Ceiling windows, despite being located in Massachusetts.
11. He spoke, or "habla" Gated, an Elven language hidden for centuries, with the fellow Tolkien nerds he met on his semester abroad to Argentina.
12. The Thesaurus bakery + Grammar cafe sell delicious synonym rolls and metaphor cookies for sale.
13. In Philadelphia, the famous Italian cheese is referred to as "Parma Jawn."
14. The amphibious pitcher celebrated his no-hitter by slinking into a nearby pond and feeding on moss.
15. Although France is considered the language of love, millennials are flocking to porch of geese as the new romance-tongue.
16. Matt went to the grocery story thinking he'd be able to buy linguini, but his inability to speak the local dialect sent him home empty-handed.
17. Sandwich lovers everywhere were befuddled by the Westboro Baptist church's disdain for the classic LGBT.
18. The "for meal or...?" option left hungry student volunteers wondering if they should choose their promised lunch or the mystery option as compensation.
19. Anti-Lizard-Rights protesters were extremely unhappy with the supreme court's ruling on married iguanas.
20. The Cupertino-based tech giant just released its latest piece of consumer technology: the Apple Hole Stery. What could it be?
21. 'Lack Toast and Tall Of Rent' is a story of an infant who refuses to drink milk from a bottle unless it's been tidily arranged.
Wow.