Not all kids look like they stepped out of a Johnson & Johnson or Gerber commercial, that's for sure. But I often wonder, if I were to have an ugly kid, would I be able to tell? Or would my unconditional, all-encompassing love for them skew my perspective, leading me to believe that my slimy frog-looking baby would actually have a chance at a Welsh's commercial?
I used to think all parents found their children absolutely perfect, but boy was I wrong. People have taken to venting on reddit threads about the moment they realized they had a truly hideous child, and they really don't sugarcoat it at all. These stories will have you laughing on the floor.
1. "I felt kind of bad for the kid..."
I've kind of always known I guess. My son had a very oddly shaped head due to birth complications, and he never really grew into it. I guess the moment that made me realize it was when he started balding at 16. I felt kind of bad for the kid, but tried to give him tips on how to make what he had work.
2. "I gasped in the delivery room. It was so bad."
My daughter was born with this ridiculous nose and I gasped in the delivery room. It was so bad. I noticed it immediately. It looked like a f--king beak.
Luckily it turned out that it was really swollen from pushing against my insides during my 26 hour labor. It's much much better now.
This baby is FIVE POUNDS. That is SO MUCH NOSE for five pounds.
3. "He has handled it really well."
Well I didn't notice so much when he was a child but as he grew older his nose got really big and I could overall see how ugly he was. I didn't feel bad or anything. He is great at sports and stands out on soccer. He has his group of friends so he has really never had a social problem or inferiority feeling. He has told us that he has been bullied at school but he handled it really well. He ignores anyone who bullies him, or doesn't respond when someone calls him by a nickname. When someone tries to be aggressive, he just tells an authority about it. He has handled it really well.
- deleted user
4. "Like a cross between a monkey and a frog."
I think my son is a good-looking boy now, he certainly gets a lot of compliments, but my god he was an ugly baby. He sort of looked like a cross between a monkey and a frog. No lie, he had a hairy forehead till he was about six months old. Then bam! Suddenly he became cute. The older he has got, the better looking he has become.
Even when he looked like a monkey frog I loved the hell out of him and thought he was the cutest thing ever.
5. Our "tiny grumpy Churchill."
I think 95 percent of newborns are ugly. I naturally thought my daughter was the most beautiful creature on the planet. "Thank God we had a cute one!"
Six months later, looking back on newborn pictures, I was horrified that I posted some of them on social media. I still cringe when I see them three years later. What an odd creature. Looked like a tiny grumpy Churchill. Which was, in fact, her nickname until she was about 9 months old. She's 3 now and insanely adorable, I know this because everyone who was honest about what an ugly baby she was agrees with me now.
6. "We were SHOCKED at how weird she looked."
When my first daughter was born, she was the single most beautiful child that had ever blessed the planet. After my second was born, my husband and I pulled out newborn photos of the first to look for similarities (there are none) and we were SHOCKED at how weird she looked. Now she's the most beautiful toddler that has ever blessed the planet, so I guess we're due for another rude awakening in about two years lol.
From a slightly different perspective, I am no where near as attractive as my older sister. We are so dissimilar looking, and she's so objectively prettier than I am, people used to ask me if I was adopted all the time. And by all the time, I mean literally every time someone found out we were sisters I would be asked that question. My mom always swore we were both beautiful, but when her nickname for my sister was 'X the beauty queen' and mine was 'X the butter bean,' I kinda figured it out on my own.
7. "He got uglier."
My first son was born with hairy ears and a weird looking bridge of his nose. One of my first thoughts about him was, "that nose better straighten out." His ears stopped being fuzzy when he was a month or so old, but the bridge of his nose is just... off still. Still, somehow he is 5 and gorgeous. My youngest son, God forgive me, was not overly cute. He was angry as hell, jaundiced and had splotchy skin, and we barely saw his eyes for nearly a month. He got uglier. Tiny eyes, far too close together, somehow even more pissed, not jaundiced, but red and splotchy, with an incredible talent for arranging his features in the least flattering possible way. Suddenly, at 6 months, he metamorphosed into a gorgeous, big-eyed baby. Still pissed, but at least cute. I'm super paranoid that they'll both turn unfortunate-looking again. It was very challenging having loving feelings for a screaming ball of rage that was so disappointing looking.
8. "A month after he was born, something happened."
My child was a perfect, dewy, sweet-faced newborn. Then a month after he was born, something happened and he turned into an ugly duckling. His hair fell out in patches, he got baby acne, he got cradle cap, he got REALLY fat. Ugh. I still thought he was beautiful when I was looking at him, but when I saw pictures of him, I could look at him more objectively and I saw how unsightly he looked. At around 6 months, everything cleared up and he stopped gaining weight so fast and he looked ok. Then he just got cuter and cuter until he peaked at around age 2; he was just the sweetest looking toddler. Now he's five and has gotten more and more average looking. I'm ok with it. He doesn't have to be movie-star attractive; all I ask is that he's well dressed and well groomed. That's like 90 percent of attractiveness anyway, imo.
- deleted user
9. "I better make enough money to pay for plastic surgery for this one."
I have Asian parents so they're very honest. My dad openly tells me, "When you were born, I took one look at you and thought, S--t. I better make enough money to pay for plastic surgery for this one."
He tells me I'm ok now, so I've got that going for me.
10. "My son is hideous."
My son is hideous. Lost most of his baby teeth by the time he was 8, he's 10 now and no adult teeth but three have grown in. Plus, he already has acne and my wife refuses to get a hair cut for him so she does bowl cuts. His voice also sends a shiver down my spine. He tells me, 'Dad I'm ugly,' and I tell him it's okay and then he gets pissed but I will not lie to my seed. Kid has it rough but I snooped on his texts and I guess he has a GF so there's someone for everyone.
11. "WTF is that?"
My uncle admits he thought all his kids were ugly as f--k when they were born, but decided to tough it out and see what they'd look like later after experiencing how well being honest went down with his first wife (one kid). He now admits that two of his kids have turned out alright.
I once asked my mum if she thought I was pretty. She said all parents think their kids are gorgeous, but that she would probably tell me not to if I pursued a modeling career (claiming that it was my height that did it). I'm quite normal looking I think, but I liked the way she said it. However, she admits that the first thing she thought when I was born was "WTF is that?" because I was jaundiced, with spiky carrot hair, quite blue from having the umbilical cord three times around my neck, and quite tiny from being two months premature. She thought she'd given birth to a punk-rock cod.
12. Interesting strategy, doctor.
A friend of mine is a doctor, when he delivers a beautiful baby he tells the parents their baby is beautiful. When he delivers an ugly baby he tells them their baby looks just like them.
13. "There's no way to sugarcoat it"
Not me, but my sister. Her firstborn was a gorgeous kid, and turned into a handsome guy. Her second? Ugliest kid any of us have ever seen. Thought he would grow out of it: 25 years later, we're still waiting. This poor guy is just downright ugly, there's no way to sugarcoat it. Plus, he's a little shorter than average.
14. "I know our son is ugly but I was hoping my wife wouldn't notice."
At the company Christmas party like 20 years ago my dad's newish coworker brought his baby. My dad admired the baby and said how healthy he looked. When the coworker walked away to introduce his baby to somebody else, my dad turned to the woman next to him and said, "That has to be the ugliest baby I've ever seen in my life." Turns out that was the baby's mama, and she was not happy to hear that. My dad ruined her night, and the next time he saw his coworker at work, the guy said to my dad, "Well I know our son is ugly but I was hoping my wife wouldn't notice, but now she is very, very aware. Thanks."
My dad is an idiot who frequently puts his foot in his mouth, but he also has a really dry/dark humor and meant it to be funny, not as insulting as it came out. My mom still brings up that story whenever she can as a lesson to know who the f--k you're talking to before you say something stupid.
15. "But, all babies look like squashed apples."
My kids were very weird-looking babies. One has a very oddly shaped head, one has peculiar ears and had a comically fat face, both had disproportionate features. But, all babies look like squashed apples.
Now they're older, I don't THINK they're unattractive, but I know I'm biased because they're my kids. I also know that people's personalities disproportionately influence how physically attractive I find them, and its really really hard for me to step back and think about whether a person is actually attractive, or if I just don't see the ugly because they're my friend.
Basically, I have no idea.
16. "NOOOO! AHHHHH"
My sister said the most amazing thing when she was 8.
My brother: Mom, why did you name me Noah?
My sister: She saw you and went 'NOOOO! AHHHHH' and the doctor wrote that down.