Finding the perfect joke can be tricky — especially when you are put on the spot by kids. Not only does the joke have to be funny, it needs to be age-appropriate for your young audience. Luckily, some at-home comedians on reddit shared their go-to jokes for kids (and kids at heart) that have always gotten a laugh.
So, ditch that boring knock-knock quip and check out these jokes that will make you the funniest person in the room.
1. A squirrel and an elephant sitting in a tree.
A squirrel is living in a pine tree.
One day he feels it shaking, looks down, and sees an elephant climbing the tree.
The squirrel asks: "What are you doing climbing my tree?"
"Well, I'm coming up here to eat some pears," says the elephant.
"You idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no pears."
"Well, I brought my own pears."
2. It's all about the delivery.
A bear walks into a restaurant and says, "I'll take a grilled.........(insert like a solid 5-6 seconds).......cheese." The server says, "Ok, but why the big pause? The bear says, "Big paws... I've always had big paws." (You gotta say that while holding up your hands and looking at them).
3. Who said puns aren't fun?
"Went to the zoo and saw a baguette in one of the enclosures... Zookeeper said it was bread in captivity."
4. Plot twist.
You and two of your friends die and go to Heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter says, "Welcome to Heaven, guys. You all lived pretty good lives, so we're going to let you all in. We only have one rule in Heaven: don't step on any ducks.
Friend 1 thinks, "That must be a pretty easy rule to follow." Then the three of you walk through the gates and see that Heaven is wall to wall ducks. Friend 1 barely has time to appreciate that fact before he takes one step right onto a duck. That duck lets out a tremendous quack, which gets the rest of them quacking, and pretty soon Heaven is full of the sound of quacking ducks.
St. Peter appears with what has to be the ugliest woman in all of Heaven. He says, "Well, that didn't take long," as he chains the hideous woman to friend 1 FOR ALL ETERNITY.
Friend 2 thinks, "Wow, it sucks to be friend 1," as he takes a step... right into a duck. That duck quacks, they all start quacking, etc.
St. Peter appears with a woman who is, quite improbably, even uglier than the first. He says, "Well, you guys aren't too quick on the uptake," as he chains this new woman to friend 2 FOR ALL ETERNITY.
Having ample warning, you learn to watch your step. Weeks go by, and you don't step on any ducks. One day, St. Peter appears with a woman who is absolutely GORGEOUS. She's certainly the most attractive woman you've seen on Heaven or Earth. Without a word, St. Peter chains the two of you together and vanishes. You say, "Wow, what did I do to deserve this?"
The woman replies, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."
5. Get it?
Robin: The Batmobile isn't starting.
Batman: Check the battery.
Robin: What's a tery?
6. Bilingual jokes.
Did you hear about the explosion at that French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." poof. He disappeared without a tres.
7. Knock, knock.
Dishes Sean Connery
8. A dad joke... for kids!
A father was cleaning his car with his son. After they're done, the son asks, "Dad, couldn't we have done this with a sponge?"
9. For kids who need to practice the periodic table.
Helium walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Sorry. We don’t serve noble gases here.” Helium doesn’t react.
Potassium walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." Potassium says "K."
Gold walks into a bar and the barman says "Ay U, you're barred, get out"
10. Who's hungry?
Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin says,"Gosh, it's hot in here!" The other muffin says, "Aaaah! A talking muffin!"
11. For the Disney fan.
This one is kind of a long con. So you tell this joke several times over the day:
Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: Because he never lands.
Then when they ask you why you keep telling the same joke, you respond with "It never gets old."
Why was Cinderella kicked off the baseball team? Because she ran away from the ball.
12. What do you call...
What do u call a witch who lives at the beach? A sandwich.
What do you call a pig with a black belt? Pork chop.
What do you call a giraffe on top of a mountain? Lost.
What do you call a sweet potato on the highway? A traffic yam
13. For the kid at heart.
A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name plate says Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $50,000 loan to take a vacation."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.
"Kermit Jagger. My father is Mick Jagger. It will be fine to authorize the loan, I know your manager."
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
"Sure, how about this," said Kermit as he produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
Patty walks into the manager's office and proceeds to tell her, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $50,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." Patty holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says..."It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
14. The question is why.
Why are Saturday and Sunday the strongest days? The rest are just weekdays.
Q: Why was the mushroom so popular? A: He was a fungi.
Why was the skeleton so lonely? Because he had no body to dance with.