When it comes to terrible siblings, it doesn't get much worse than Derek from Step Brothers.
So if you're compiling a definitive list of all the crappy things brothers have done to their siblings. you have to list some of Derek's most egregious, crappy brother moments.
They're somehow always oiled up, too.
But not if you perform it to an auditorium full of people.
All in all he's a pretty terrible sibling to have, but that doesn't mean there aren't some other people out there who are trying their hardest to out-Derek Derek.
I went into the toilet with a chocolate and sat there for 10 minutes and melted the chocolate on my hand to make it look like poo. I flushed the toilet and walked up to her with a frown and said, 'Abbey, you didn't leave me any toilet paper.' aaaaand then I wiped my choco-poop messed hand on her arm. She freaked out and I almost wet myself from laughing.
I pissed all over my sister because I was sleepwalking and thought her bed was the toilet.She dreamt it was raining. And it was. Oh, it was.
I threw a brick at my brothers head, ended up having to get stitches. Then a few hours later he threw one back at me, back to the hospital for stitches.
My older brother isnt just a sociopath, he's a psychopath...his favourite pass time recently is walking the streets with a signal jammer while people are trying to make calls or Using it outside the fire/police station, finds it hilarious, he's a fucking asshole. He was banned from a local grocery store for threatening a staff member for apparently looking at him.
Hid a jar of pond-water full of mosquito larvae in their room, then just waited for them to develop.
I grabbed my brothers hand with one hand, and an electric fence with the other hand.
I had this sweet sweet bottle of vanilla coke that My mum bought from the store for me when I was like 7. Anyway my brother and sister decide it would be an A grade pisser to drink it all between them and replace it with black vinegar. I had one mouthful and cried and they got sent to their rooms for 45 minutes.
My brother and I used to play this game with a step ladder. It involved somebody standing on the top of it and the other person shaking it, the winner was whoever stayed up there the longest. Well I was about 7 I think and I just straight up pushed the ladder over. He landed on his wrist and started crying. I just stood there and laughed at him for crying. Mum must have heard him because she came running out the back like the house was on fire. Quick drive to the hospital and find out that it's the worst break the doctor had ever seen.All in all, I won. And that's what's important.
I had a problem wetting the bed when I was young, and it had been a month since the last time I had pissed the bed so my parents were going to buy me a bike. (I was 8-9). I woke up and was dry so I was happy as dicks, my father went to investigate the bed (my little brother and I shared a room) and it was wet, however I was wearing the same pajamas. My little 4 year old brother went to breakfast with a smug little look on his face. He peed on my bed so I wouldn't get a bike.
Pretty bad, but still not as bad as giving someone the Catalina Wine Mixer just so they could mess it up and you can fire them and ridicule you for all eternity.
Growing up as a Muslim-Albanian family with very patriarchal ideas on the way a family is supposed to operate, my idea of what a father should be was a very "man's man" one.
He brings home the bacon, laughs maybe five times a year, and was really into Clint Eastwood and Martin Scorcese movies. Oh, and a Marlboro Red had to be perpetually hanging out the side of his mouth.
Fast forward years later and here I am, dadding it up, and I'm not that, like, at all. The manliest thing I probably do is hit the gym, bro, and not shave my chest hair. Other than that though, I'm nothing like the former generation of "guy's guys" that raised me. Which I'm totally cool with, because I'm already learning special hair braids to try out on my daughter once she gets older. Because her old man might be a North Jersey meathead, but he's going to be a meathead who doesn't mind having tea parties and getting his nails painted with his little girl.