When it comes to terrible siblings, it doesn't get much worse than Derek from Step Brothers.
So if you're compiling a definitive list of all the crappy things brothers have done to their siblings. you have to list some of Derek's most egregious, crappy brother moments.
1. He will mercilessly roast you for eating carbs...
2. ...and flaunt his abs at any given moment. Making you feel like crap for your flabby tummy.
They're somehow always oiled up, too.
3. His singing voice is annoyingly good and he has an obsession for acapella versions of Guns N' Roses songs.
4. And he will utterly embarrass you by getting your entire High School to chant that you have a mangina during a talent show.
5. Plus he has an unnatural obsession with "Ice Ice Baby", which is fine if you listen to it alone in your car...
But not if you perform it to an auditorium full of people.
6. He'll get you a job just so he can fire you from it.
All in all he's a pretty terrible sibling to have, but that doesn't mean there aren't some other people out there who are trying their hardest to out-Derek Derek.
7. Like old Poo-hand.
I went into the toilet with a chocolate and sat there for 10 minutes and melted the chocolate on my hand to make it look like poo. I flushed the toilet and walked up to her with a frown and said, 'Abbey, you didn't leave me any toilet paper.' aaaaand then I wiped my choco-poop messed hand on her arm. She freaked out and I almost wet myself from laughing.
8. And the night-pisser.
I pissed all over my sister because I was sleepwalking and thought her bed was the toilet.She dreamt it was raining. And it was. Oh, it was.
9. The brick-for-brick
I threw a brick at my brothers head, ended up having to get stitches. Then a few hours later he threw one back at me, back to the hospital for stitches.
10. The total psychopath
My older brother isnt just a sociopath, he's a psychopath...his favourite pass time recently is walking the streets with a signal jammer while people are trying to make calls or Using it outside the fire/police station, finds it hilarious, he's a fucking asshole. He was banned from a local grocery store for threatening a staff member for apparently looking at him.
11. The Mosquito man.
Hid a jar of pond-water full of mosquito larvae in their room, then just waited for them to develop.
12. Collateral Damage.
I grabbed my brothers hand with one hand, and an electric fence with the other hand.
13. Vanilla Coke.
I had this sweet sweet bottle of vanilla coke that My mum bought from the store for me when I was like 7. Anyway my brother and sister decide it would be an A grade pisser to drink it all between them and replace it with black vinegar. I had one mouthful and cried and they got sent to their rooms for 45 minutes.
14. Wrists and Ladders.
My brother and I used to play this game with a step ladder. It involved somebody standing on the top of it and the other person shaking it, the winner was whoever stayed up there the longest. Well I was about 7 I think and I just straight up pushed the ladder over. He landed on his wrist and started crying. I just stood there and laughed at him for crying. Mum must have heard him because she came running out the back like the house was on fire. Quick drive to the hospital and find out that it's the worst break the doctor had ever seen.All in all, I won. And that's what's important.
15. Pissing a bike away.
I had a problem wetting the bed when I was young, and it had been a month since the last time I had pissed the bed so my parents were going to buy me a bike. (I was 8-9). I woke up and was dry so I was happy as dicks, my father went to investigate the bed (my little brother and I shared a room) and it was wet, however I was wearing the same pajamas. My little 4 year old brother went to breakfast with a smug little look on his face. He peed on my bed so I wouldn't get a bike.
Pretty bad, but still not as bad as giving someone the Catalina Wine Mixer just so they could mess it up and you can fire them and ridicule you for all eternity.