When it comes to relationships, I'm always grateful for the moment you have both decided that flatulence and open discussions about pooping are on the table. We cannot live our lives pretending we don't fart and we certainly can't wear a near-constant bloatation device for fear of their finding out about our bowel movements. Unfortunately this scenario is usually lopsided because it seems as if women are always on the receiving end (pun) of all fecal-related shame. I'd like to buy a bowel, movement.
For Jess Jacobsen, who goes by @oohhjesss on TikTok, going number two wasn't the number one problem she was having with her boyfriend. Her issue was with the lack of cleanup material available. When faced with no toilet paper, Jess asked her boyfriend for help. In what can only be described as an act of cruel selfishness, he refused. This is literally a s----- situation. If we're honest, this story Involves two kinds of dumping.
From dumping to dumper, this woman has had enough.
I have a very strange relationship with pooping that I don't mind talking about. Sorry to brag but I've shat my pants three times in my adult life, which might make some people go to the doctor. Not me, I'm a bit of a risk-taker and I enjoy buying new clothes. That's why I appreciate any and all stories related to feces. I find them to be hilarious.
Sadly, Jess's story is bordering on abusive even though it's shielded by humor. She begins her TikTok by stating this boyfriend is about to get dumped. Jess recalls being at her boyfriend's house and taking herself on a relaxing defecation in the bathroom when she reaches for the toilet paper. Alas, there is none to be found.
Recognizing that this is really not a big deal because she is at her boyfriend's house and not, for example, in a port-a-potty at some hideous outdoor festival, Jess calls out for assistance. "Hey babe, could you please grab me some toilet paper," she asks her boyfriend who is in another room.
The gasp that came out of my mouth upon learning that her boyfriend replied with a shocking "no" could probably be heard for miles. "I already told you that bathroom is out of toilet paper. Sorry," he says. Beyond being a total jerk in this moment, I have to wonder why the toilet paper wasn't replaced when he initially saw that it was out.
As an extremely forgetful person who can't keep track of names, keys, or anything that happened to be five minutes ago, I understand how Jess could have forgotten about the empty toilet paper holder. Still being nice, Jess said, "Sorry I forgot. Regardless, can you please run downstairs and grab me some real fast."
Once again, this horrible man said no. In fact, he turns Jess's conundrum into some sort of punishment because she forgot. The price she has to pay for not remembering is having a poop-smeared bottom with no relief. And if you think it can't get worse, it can! It usually does.
As if it actually matters, Jess's very bad boyfriend asks for clarification. Evidently he felt he didn't have all the information one would need to make an informed decision here. "Did you go number 1 or number 2," he asks. "If you just peed you can use the towel there to wipe." Logically this means the hand towel has probably been used to wipe off urine. There is no way this is the first time that suggestion has come down the pipeline. This is a gross person.
Because Jess is not into substituting toilet paper for a hand towel, she tells her boyfriend that the hand towel will remain a tool for hand drying. Jess continues to beg her bad beau for help but he ignores her and instead mindlessly scrolls through his phone.
Out of sheer desperation, Jess says that if her boyfriend doesn't bring her any toilet paper she'll have no choice but to scream for help. That was the last straw for her lazy lad who said Jess was being too dramatic. Speaking of dramatic, and signs of worse things to come, he opened the bathroom door and threw the toilet paper at her head.
I cannot stress this enough, actions like that may seem funny because poop stories are hilarious, but throwing things at your partner is never OK. Jess cried, and rightfully so. The whole thing is a huge warning sign. This is definitely a person who would abandon his partner if she got sick. If he can't walk downstairs to get toilet paper, an action that will also benefit him at some point, then he can't be counted on when the s--- hits the fan, not the toilet.