For some reason or another, weddings have been blown up to become ridiculously stressful affairs that quickly become less of a celebration and more of a headache for everyone involved. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if you really love somebody, you're not going to devolve into a hysterical fit of bitter crying or resentment if the DJ played Ed Sheeran's "Perfect" 15 seconds too soon.
Awful taste in music and a willingness to ruin your special day at the drop of a hat because you're not emotionally confronting the fact you aren't actually marrying the love of your life aside, there's a lot expected of people who help to plan and throw weddings. Especially if you're a Bridesmaid.
There's an expectation you'll have to not only foot the bill for some costs, but there's a tremendous time commitment to basically ensuring that the Bride has as perfect of a day ahead of her. From researching venues to finding the perfect dress, to nailing down a great hair/beauty salon, to helping pick out a caterer, to ensuring that no exes crash the wedding and the crocodiles in the moat are fed, there are just too many boxes to tick and never enough time.
This is why this bride-to-be, Lisa Torres, decided to draft up a "Bridesmaid Agreement" of sorts just so the women in her life knew what they were getting into.
This professional looking document looks more like a job responsibilities posting you'd find on LinkedIn rather than a fun wedding plan rundown.
The 2-page letter was posted to TikTok where it quickly went uber-viral. It was attached to a video delineating exactly why the auditor from San Antonio, Texas decided to go through all of the trouble of listing Bridesmaid responsibilities.
And while a knee jerk reaction from some people would be to roll their eyes at Lisa's "extra-ness" there are tons of people who clearly saw her point and felt that it was a mature and considerate way for the woman to let her friends know exactly what they were getting into when they signed up to help her plan her wedding.
Most importantly, however, Lisa offers them a way out in a matter that doesn't seem judgmental or guilt-inducing at all.
She captions in the video, "I outlined time commitments. So I told them if they lived over an hour away, they didn't have to worry about making it to the bridal shower or to go wedding dress shopping w/ me. It was fine."
Lisa continued, "I also specified money commitments, so I told them I would pay for their hair/makeup, that they would be responsible for the cost of the bridesmaid dress."
After people kept asking to see the full agreement, she uploaded a follow-up TikTok showing the letter in its full, dual-paged glory. This included a "Frequently Asked Questions" page that many thought showed not only how serious she was about having a great wedding, but ensuring that all of her friends involved in the celebration would know exactly what they were getting themselves into.
Of course, you had some people who thought that there was more Lisa could've done for her Bridesmaids, like covering the cost of the dress too.
In an interview with BuzzFeed, Lisa said that she wanted to "normalize the concept of being transparent, and allow...people to decline being part of a wedding party."
Personally speaking, I think that's darn decent of her. As someone who hates weddings, especially ones with lukewarm Chicken Francese, I wish there were more people like Lisa in this world.
She demonstrated that while she's dead serious about doing whatever she can to have the best wedding day possible, she doesn't want to put any of her best friends out or foist expectations of people when they may not be in the position to do so.
Lisa went on to say, "It's really important to destigmatize the discussion around the cost and expectations of being a bridesmaid. It was so heartbreaking to see how many stories there were [in the comments] about friendships ending because this important discussion didn't happen beforehand."
So did any of Lisa's friends decline the Bridesmaid invitation after reading the letter? Yes, and Lisa says that there are no hard feelings between the two of them.
I'm personally just interested in seeing if that friend ends up sitting at the table closest to the bathroom.