Listen, there's this Twitter account called "Cakes With Threatening Auras." It sounds awful. Why would you want to look at such a thing? Cakes are supposed to bring joy and delight and sugar into people's lives. Cakes that have threatening auras are unthinkable perversions, and none of us deserve to be punished with a list of them. And yet...here we are. I don't know what it is, but once you start looking at cursed cakes, you cannot stop. Go ahead, try.
This cake, which I suppose is supposed to be Shrek taking a mud bath, is horrifying. I can't stop staring at his bottom, and I hate that that's the case.
Holy proportion problems, Batman! What is going on with this Hannah Montana cake? I hope Lara doesn't have nightmares for weeks after being presented with this cake, but I have a feeling she might. I might, and I'm in my 30s.
Oh I hate this because that Furby looks like it knows it's being cut into and eaten. Why make the face so sad! He's on a cake! He should be a happy Furby!
I'll never be able to look at Pikachu the same way ever again. This looks like a high teenager got stuck in a Pikachu costume. Nothing about this looks delicious, which is what cakes are supposed to be.
No! Stitch is an adorable little alien friend. This is a muderous monster. This Stitch cake looks like it ate the Pikachu cake in the previous photo. It's just so very wrong.
Someone went to write "July 4th!" but they started with the "4" and then got so flustered that they accidentally spelled July wrong. But hey, this is about as much respect as the good ol' U.S. of A. deserves this year, so we'll take it.
The juxtaposition between the devilish 666 and the flowery pink frosting truly throws this cake into baffling territory. I don't trust it. Something is very, very wrong here. This cake is like the beginning of a horror movie where everyone thinks everything is fine but you just know it's about to get crazy.
Can you imagine having $14 to spend and being like, "Yes, this is what a want, a cake shaped like a generic man head"? Because I cannot! No one wants these! Side note: Is that a real pair of glasses? Is someone in the bakery section missing their eyewear?
Well, it's official. I've been Rick rolled by a cake. I made it over 30 years without having to experience this profound disappointment. But from now on, for the rest of my days, I'm changed. I'm forever a woman who was Rick rolled by a cake.
This Bart Simpson cake has seen some s--t. I think the cake maker ran out of yellow frosting once they got to Bart's eyes, but the effect is a tired, world-weary, and possibly hungover yellow dude. The Sharpie birthday message on the tin foil just really pushes this one over the edge into straight sadness.
If I was presented with this cake as a 1-year-old, I'd probably burst into tears. Poor Elmo has been stuck inside that cake for years. He just burst forth from the top, finally free, and now he's being eaten?! No thank you.
Why does this Thomas the Tank Engine cake look so angry! It's such an easy problem to avoid. All they had to do was angle the eyebrows differently. So subtle, but so devastating. Another subtle but haunting detail is that the cake says "1" but the candle says 3. Is this poor kid turning 1 or 3? ....Or 4? Whatever the answer, someone's disappointed, and it's all of us.
Thanks to those little smiley face candies, this cake reads like, ":) Sorry :) for :) getting :) you :) pregnant (: again (:" Talk about cursed.