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This Dad's Rant About the Peloton Bikes Is Both Hilarious and Masterfully Argued

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Peloton bikes are the creme de la creme when it comes to stationery-riding experiences for cycling enthusiasts. You may have the seen the gorgeous bikes on display in malls or on random "best of" lists when you toyed with the idea of putting a stationery bike in your home. 

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But Peloton as a brand started becoming the butt of the internet's jokes when they launched a very bourgeoisie advertising campaign which featured a multitude of gorgeous people with home gym set-ups that look like they were ripped straight out of Oscar Isaac's house in Ex Machina.

This woman's father couldn't contain his own ire over the luxury fitness item when she mentioned to her mother that she was considering purchasing a Peloton bike.

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Source: twitter

Clearly, Clare's dad isn't a fan — in fact, he penned a wonderfully expressive invective against Peloton and what the brand represents. His argument is so beautifully worded, it's actually a masterpiece.

First, he opens with this absolute humdinger of an introduction.

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Source: twitter

He immediately causes the reader to make a juxtaposition between profligate cocaine users and Peloton bike riders. When one thinks of fitness, money, and drug abuse, one probably thinks of a character like Patrick Bateman,  thus making anyone would drop that much cash on a bike seem crazy. An American psycho, you might say.

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After his humorous intro gets the audience on his side, as I immediately was after reading that sentence, Dad hits us with the "un-fun" truth: stationary bikes, especially exorbitantly priced ones, are kind of useless.

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Source: twitter
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Not useless in the sense that they don't provide great workouts — they do. However, paying for a monthly service, on top of a bike that costs upwards of $2,000, for a giant screen where fitness instructors yell at you to pedal faster or slower is a bit insane. You'd be better served to purchase a bike and a high-quality, sturdy stand that will keep your actual bike in place when you can't ride outside.

The idea that you need a bunch of high-priced equipment to get in shape is silly. A regular bicycle that's suited to your body type will work wonders. A jump rope, some plate weights, or just burpees and bodyweight exercise routines, of which there are plenty of free sources available online, will do the trick. If you don't believe me, then I'll repeat when I argue with anyone who thinks they need specialized equipment to work out: just look at prisoners. 

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Source: twitter

Dad then brings it all home by highlighting the ridiculousness of taking commands from a screen while bike-riding to show just how silly the whole Peloton craze is, and then again appeals to Clare's pragmatism to dissuade her from purchasing the bike.

Do you really want to be someone who establishes their self-worth by flaunting they can afford "luxury" versions of common items that don't require much improvement?

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Lots of people loved her father's post, even folks  who had a Peloton system at home.

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Source: twitter
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Source: twitter

Others shared their own home gym setups to demonstrate there's no need to drop that much money on a Peloton.

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Source: twitter
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Despite obviously enjoying her father's response, Clare still seems resolved to get a Peloton anyway.

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Source: twitter

Oh well, he tried.

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