I am not a gadgets kind of person. In a world riddled with technology, I have the bare minimum of a phone, laptop, and Kindle I always forget about. It's not that I don't enjoy stepping outside of my comfort zone, I just don't have the brain for it. As a child of the 90s, everything in my skull sort of hit its peak at Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing, and boy did she ever. My phobia technology also extends to cookware.
I am of course familiar with the basics but if something new enters the chat, like a mandoline, I immediately panic. If someone hasn't make a YouTube tutorial about it, I will likely never learn. That's why I vaguely understand how a husband could think a tiny spatula in his kitchen is specifically used for smaller spreads, like a single pat of butter. Sadly, this wee spatula is actually used for his baby's butt cream. He was kind of close. You can't spell butter without butt.
What is this, a spatula for ants?
Madison Barbosa, who goes by the aptly named @madison_barbosa on TikTok, learned something new about her husband when he got himself a bagel and threw on some butter. It all started when she left a small spatula in her kitchen, presumably while throwing out a dirty diaper.
If you're like me and Madison's husband, you can't imagine why a spatula would be used outside the confines of the kitchen. If I saw a small spatula sitting in my kitchen, I would probably freak out because I don't have a small spatula. Once the panic subsided, I would assume a smaller version of a kitchen item was just a kitchen item.
At some point the spatula must have made its way back to the baby's room, where it belonged, because Madison's husband noticed her using it for something other than buttering a bagel. With a terrified look in his eyes, he took the scene in.
Madison was using the wee implement to spread butt cream on their child's bottom. Before diving into this story, Madison explained that the spatula is used so parents don't get diaper cream on their hands. Back in the old days, people's hands were just covered in goo and nonsense. We don't have to live like that anymore!
Back to Madison's husband who managed to squeeze out a question he already knew the answer to.
"What is that?" he asked her as she was applying the bum lotion.
"It's a butt cream spatula" she said. She said it very matter-of-factly, as if we all should know that. But here's the thing, Madison's husband should know it.
On the one hand, it makes sense for someone like me to not recognize a butt cream spatula. I don't have any children and therefore have no need for a butt cream spatula. Most of the time I'm wiping things out of my bottom. I'm not adding to it.
Madison's husband, on the other hand, is a parent. Furthermore, he is a parent living in a household where butt cream is used so often that a tool is needed to apply it. He really has no excuses. In order to protect himself, her husband's brain began reaching for possibilities.
"Is that the same one that's in the kitchen? We have two?" Like the Highlander, there can be only one butt cream spatula.
"Oh my God," he screamed. "I used that to spread butter on my bagel." To Madison's credit, she said what we were all thinking.
"Maybe if you changed more diapers, you would know this is a butt cream spatula." Revenge is a dish best-served cold, and sometimes that dish is a bagel buttered with a butt cream spatula.