Dunkaroos Are Coming Back! Here Are Other '90s Things We Want Back — and Some We Don't
Dunkaroos are back, baby! That's right. Whoever's behind your favorite sugar-filled snack of the '90s started a Twitter account to let everyone know that those graham cracker / frosting packets we all loved so much will be back on shelves in the summer. Of this year!
We're going to ignore all the people I saw who were like, "Um, it's called Teddy Grahams and a jar of frosting" and get excited for the return of these super nostalgic treats that probably don't taste as good as we remember.
People are sort of freaking out about the return of Dunkaroos, but they are far from the first thing from the '90s to be rebooted. We are living in the golden age of nostalgia exploitation, and I have a feeling we're just getting started.
Scrunchies, chokers, jelly sandals, and mom jeans have all snuck their way back into the zeitgeist, along with properties like the Power Rangers, Are You Afraid of the Dark? and so much more.
But this Dunkaroo announcement has us contemplating what else from the '90s: a) hasn't returned yet; b) we'd like to see again; and c) could feasibly happen, if the right people were passionate about it?
Similarly, what are the things we absolutely never want to see again, fads and foods of the '90s that should disappear into the ether of history forever and ever (but that we also wouldn't be surprised to see again)?
Without further ado, here are the 10 things from the '90s we desperately want to make a comeback.
Philadelphia Snack Bars
Did you always feel like a fancy aristocrat while eating these Philadelphia cheesecake snack bars? If you say no, you're LYING. These were the best, and they deserve a place on the shelf in the grocery store.
Listen, I know we have texting and G-chat and myriad other ways to get in touch via typed messages, but you can't deny the utter beauty of AIM. Something tells me that, if they brought it back and we could all make screen names and away messages and friend lists again, we'd be into it. I know I would.
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movies
It seemed like a new Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen move came out every single week in the '90s, and it was glorious. How bonkers would it be if, all of a sudden, in like, September of this year, they were like, "The Olsen Twins, back again, in A Millennial Minute"? You would freak out. I would freak out. We'd look at each other and scream just like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen did in almost every one of their movies.
If they loved their fans, they would do this. It will never happen, but a gal can dream.
Flintstones Push-Up Pops
Oh man, these sherbet push-up pops were delectable. Somehow, the orange flavor was the best one! And orange is never the best! They sort of exist today, but they're not Flintstones themed, and that is a travesty.
OK, hear me out. Yes, these weird skipping toys tore up your ankles and often flung off your foot and damaged everything around it. But they were also very fun. It was like a FitBit, too, because they had little counter that would count your skips. I think I would use one today. Wouldn't you?
Choose Your Own Adventure books
I loved these books, and while the "choose your own" form has been used in other ways since (I'm looking at you, Bandersnatch), these books did it best. Not going to lie, my husband designed a poster for our wedding that looks like these covers, and it's epic.
I'm sorry, but scrolling Netflix is not the same as walking the aisles of Blockbuster or your local video rental store (ours growing up happened to be called Captain Video). I don't know... I totally feel like a hipster could take over a space in a rapidly gentrifying area and start renting out Blu-rays, selling popcorn and snacks, and make a killing.
Butterfinger BBs, those little, delicious morsels, had all the crunchy, peanut-buttery taste of Butterfinger without any of the crumbs all over your coat. And that's why they were perfect. We want them back even though the new Butterfinger recipe isn't as good as the old one.
Game Boys were so cool. They were also like, the only level of video game sophistication I could handle. I can deal with three buttons, MAX. They came in cool colors (well, Game Boy Color did) and you just plugged in any 8-bit game you wanted to play. I feel like these are ripe for a reboot.
'Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?'
I did not remember how crazy this show was, but it's insane. It's also cool as heck! A game show where you try to answer questions to catch a world-class criminal who also happens to be like, the hottest woman alive?! Sign me up! We all talk about wanting to see Legends of the Hidden Temple or Guts again, but we've been sleeping on Carmen Sandiego big time.
There's a cartoon version of the show on Netflix, but that doesn't count.
Here are ten '90s fads we hope will never see the light of day again.
Please. I am begging you. Do not let low-rise pants come back. I did it in the '90s and early '00s. I saw enough butt crack for an entire lifetime. I swear I cried tears of joy when high-waisted pants came back in fashion. Let's keep it that way. [Editor's note: if certain runway shows from last year are any indication, we may be too late for this one...]
I found this picture of Orbitz, the nasty '90s drink with orb bits in it, on Instagram. The man who posted it said he's had this bottle for 25 years. Twenty-five years! And the orbs are still floating. It still looks exactly the same. That's not right. Nothing about this is right.
Surge tried to stage a comeback a couple years ago and everybody was like, "Yeah...no." And thank goodness. I can barely handle the caffeine in a cup of black tea, let alone this disgusting citrus-flavored jolt-packed soda. Mountain Dew won, Surge. Get over it.
Furbies were revived in 2012, but they've since retreated quietly into the night, which is where they belong. Why did these monstrosities ever become popular? I was terrified that, when Uncut Gems came out and Adam Sandler held up that bedazzled Furby necklace, it would awaken something in us. Please don't let it happen.
It was a powder that you poured into your mouth, and as you started chewing it, it became gum. I know. I know. I almost gagged a little bit just from writing that. Please don't put this back in stores. No one wants this. Ever again.
Guys, how did we let this happen? How did we let Teletubbies happen? They are creepy beyond belief, their names are Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, Laa Laa, and Po, and there was a real-life baby in the sun. None of it made sense or was the least bit acceptable.
'Magic Eye' books
These hidden picture books are so frickin' annoying, and not just because I can never see the hidden image. Never ever. Sometimes I'd get glimpses of objects, but the pictures never revealed themselves no matter how long I stared. I'm not bitter about it. I just never want to look at one of these again.
Talking on the phone
Talking on the phone is for job interviews, and that's it. None of my friends should be calling me. Ever. Texting is perfect. Why ruin it? FaceTime is acceptable with warning. I thought we were over talking on the phone. Stop trying to make it happen.
I feel like frosted tips are on the verge — on the tip, if you will — of making a comeback, and I'm just here to say, "No thank you." Especially the gelled, spiked kind pictured here on Sugar Ray frontman, Mark McGrath. Do you want to look like Mark McGrath? Didn't think so. But you will if you get frosted tips.
I see the future, and it is full of waist-high pants and the bushiest eyebrows you can possibly imagine. We all went through a phase where we over-plucked. But that was a mistake. A huge mistake. May pencil-thin eyebrows forever rest in peace in the annals of history, never to return.