Carmine Deville is a model, burlesque producer, and cat mom. She's got two of them. They're black, they're adorable, and one of them, Carmilla, recently got very, very high after eating a weed cookie that Carmine accidentally left out for a minute in a place that her cats could reach.
Carmine wrote an entire epic thread chronicling her poor cat's adventure with being extremely, hilariously high, and it went totally viral.
The tongue out kills me. I've heard multiple stories of pets who've accidentally gotten into pot, and it's always hilarious. Generally, the danger associated with a pet getting into weed depends on their size and how much they ingested, but in lots of cases, you just have to let them ride it out.
Carmine assures us Carmilla was ultimately fine. "I wanna preface this by saying she's fine," she writes, "because this cat is an indestructible Dumpster Demon TM with a stomach of steel. Her father was a raccoon and her mother ate and s--t nails. She'd fight god for half a stale bagel and win." Is it just me, or is this cat also your new hero?
"Secondly," she continues, "this is on me because I'm fully aware that both my garbage monsters would eat the entire actual trash can and all of its contents if they could fit it in their mouths, so I should have known better than to leave food unattended."
She explains that she had a weed cookie in the freezer, and placed it on top of the fridge to thaw. She thought it would be safe up there for the 60 seconds she took to go use the restroom. After all, it was inside its wrapping and three plastic freezer bags. Should have been enough of a barrier to protect it from two nosy cats, right? Wrong.
She writes, "In the 60 seconds it took me to pee and wash my hands, these s--theads tag-teamed their Great Cookie Heist to swipe the cookie off the fridge, chew through all three freezer bags and the paper, and snarf the entire cookie, leaving just the chocolate chips on the rug."
It was nice of them to at least leave the chocolate chips.
If you're a pet owner, you've probably had the experience of coming home to a trash disaster on the floor and had to try to figure out what happened.
One time, I arrived home to a shredded and empty package of raw chicken. I realized my dog had gone in the garbage and had eaten an entire pound of raw chicken I'd thrown out because it was spoiled. Needless to say, he had crazy poops for several days.
Obviously, Carmine freaked out when she saw the remnants of the cookie package on the floor.
I once had to babysit a cat and she was on medication at the time. I cannot tell you the nightmare it was to locate her in the apartment, wrap her up, and squirt medicine into her mouth. One day, I literally couldn't find her, and she was so upset about the prospect of more meds that she had crawled into the couch to hide from me.
Not like, between the cushions. She'd wedged her way into the wooden structure of the couch and had gotten stuck. I had to cut the couch open to get her out. I'm still haunted by that day.
Anyway, back to Carmine. She couldn't get her cats to puke. "These cats were born and raised in dumpsters and are one with the trash," she writes. "Vomiting cannot be induced. So at this point it's too late to do anything except wait and see who gets high as balls. And unsurprisingly, it was my raccoon s--tten, Carmilla."
In this photo, Carmilla seems to be just starting to understand what she'd done. Are you ready for this picture of a stoned cat? I don't know if you're ready. It's a good one.
Oh boy. There it is. This cat is officially high AF. But even though she was clearly out of it, she wasn't alone. Béla Lugosi (Carmilla's cat brother) stayed by her side. In fact, according to Carmine, he "gave me his signature stink eye while she descended into a stoned stupor, as if it were my fault his sister transformed into a barely sentient breadloaf."
Poor Carmilla really was out of it.
I cannot handle this. Cats are usually such elegant creatures, so regal, so prim and proper. And here's Carmilla, the highest any animal has ever been, staring at her own paws and tail.
Oh man. But the tragic thing about this is that Carmilla can't even eat any Taco Bell. I hope she at least got a can of Fancy Feast because that cat definitely had the munchies.
There's just something beautiful about the perspective she got when she was hanging out under the armchair. It's like, life is crazy, you know? But if you're looking up, and you see a chair skirt and those different textures, it's like, it's all beautiful man.
This seemed to be the height of Carmilla's highness. After, she seemed to come down a bit.
After four hours, Carmilla finally started sobering up. I think it's safe to say this little cat's life was probably changed forever by her experience getting high. This is one instance in which I wish we had insight into what our pets are thinking.
I'm sure this was scary for Carmine until she was sure that her kitty was going to be just fine. As for Carmilla, this cat clearly had the time of her life, and I am ecstatic for her.