This is simultaneously the best and worst story you will read today. I truly can't believe it's real. On one hand, it's amazing and hilarious that six senior citizens were arrested in a park for doing naughty, sexy things in public.
On the other hand, this is not something I ever wanted to think about or be forced to picture, and now, both have happened. It makes me upset. It makes me giggle. It makes me cringe. It makes me want to high-five those six randy old people. Basically, I have a lot of conflicting feelings about this story, and you probably will too. Join me, won't you?
This little nightmare began in Fairfield, Connecticut, specifically in the Grace Richardson conservation area. That's right. A conservation area. As in, a place where people are trying to conserve the natural world, leave nature undisturbed, and save the environment.
Apparently, that's where these six horny seniors decided to roll around in the grass. I guess boomers haven't already ruined the planet enough! According to the New York Post, the conservation area had been advertised on the internet as a "hook-up" spot, so police decided to check it out. No official word on whether they completely regret that decision or not at this point.
Once the police received reports of "lewd and sexual activity" taking place at the conservation area, they decided to launch an investigation on August 9. They conducted a surveillance operation and "allegedly observed multiple violations."
So, they were forced to act. Police happened upon six seniors between the ages of 62 and 85, engaged in, well, let's just say activity you would never want to catch your grandparents doing.
They were arrested by the Fairfield Police Department and charged with breach of peace and public indecency. These deviants were identified by the NBC Connecticut as Daniel Dobbins, 67; Otto D. Williams, 62; Charles L. Ardito, 75; John Linartz, 62; Richard Butler, 82; and his wife, Joyce Butler, 85. Joyce! Cougar! You get it, girl.
Dobbins and Linartz were the ones arrested for public indecency. All of them were arrested for breach of peace. All six of them were released from custody after promising to appear in court. And now, they're all responsible for millions of nightmares. Good job, guys.
I can't even imagine what was going through the minds of those police officers while they were handcuffing these old people. Nor can I fathom what these old people were thinking. I mean, they're probably all retired. Generally, old people feel like they can do whatever they want.
Honestly, if they live at a senior home or in a senior neighborhood, they've probably already reached legendary status among their peers. No doubt they've made an impression on the officers of the Fairfield Police Department.
There were several other locations on that "City Hookup Guide" police in the area have been monitoring. How much do you want to bet detectives are pulling straws as we speak to determine who has to go check those out?