We've all been there. Our moms are begging us to go to sleep, but we're 6 years old. Our minds are racing. We have to know the secrets of the world.
Kate Bowler's son is no exception. He has so many bedtime questions, in fact, that Kate decided to document everything he asks via Twitter for 30 days in a row. And it's maybe the best thread you will ever read. His questions are silly and existential and mostly impossible to answer, which makes them all the more hilarious (and Kate's frustration that much more palpable).
It's the perfect plan because what is your mom going to do, not answer a question you have? That would tamp down your curiosity and discourage learning! Who cares that it's 9:30 at night?! He needs the answers to these questions!
He starts out fairly reasonable. It's not strange to wonder what pumpkins and pumpkin seeds taste like. I love the urgency in this voice, though. He simply needs to know right now, or else he won't be able to go to bed.
I like that he's trying to convince himself that raccoons can't kill you but that he's clearly afraid that they can. I can tell he's afraid because he screamed, "I AM NOT AFRAID!" which is a thing you only yell if you are terrified.
Kids' brains are amazing. They have no filter. Every random thought, every inappropriate opinion or question gets shouted into the ether and whoever hears it, hears it. Tonight, this 6-year-old wanted to know if his mother knows anyone with one eye. Don't you want to know that, too?
OK, but why is hair made of cylinders? I've never thought about that before. I can imagine Kate's very frustrated, since he'd been tucked in three times already, but sometimes, you have to mime playing the accordion. I don't know what else to tell her.
Starting with a question and then using that question to start talking about what you actually want to talk about is a classic bedtime stalling move. You have to respect the technique. And the legend of the squid that destroyed many, many boats!
I will be thinking about this question for the rest of my life. No, not, "Was God ever born?" or "Is Google a person?" I don't care about those. But "Is cheese funny?" That's the question that will haunt all my waking hours for the rest of my existence.
Imagine being so close to sleep, your head on the pillow, your eyes slowly closing, and then the last megalodon swims through your brain! You have to address it! You can't fall asleep thinking about a giant prehistoric shark and not talking about it.
Kids are often said to have a connection to the spirit world, and clearly, this kid knows that his dad used to be a ghost pirate during some civil war a long time ago. A long, long, long, long, long time ago.
Kids' imaginations are amazing. But somehow, I don't think this kid is making up these Civil Wars. Somehow, I think these are wars that happened way in the past that only he knows about.
This is maybe the cutest exchange in the world. Even if I was mad that he wouldn't go to bed, I wouldn't be able to be mad when he told me he picked me to be his mom. That's sob-level adorable stuff right there.
Absolutely love when little kids are like, "Everything's OK, but I did something!" and parents have to be like, "Oh no, what did you do?" It's never good.
Sometimes if you don't answer and you let him just work out his thoughts for himself, they get better and better. For the record, the sun is not lava. Common misconception, but it is, in fact, a star made of gas. Oh, and obviously, magic is real.
This kid knows stuff and I feel like I need to do an in-depth interview with him to understand where he's getting his information. I trust him when he says Bigfoot is real.
"I don't know how to explain you to other people" is the greatest compliment. This kid truly is one-of-a-kind.
OK, but then I got really curious about the origin of the word "library," and the real reason isn't nearly as scandalous as his suggestion. It's because the Latin word for book is "liber." Boringggggg.
Oh no! Did he really hide an animal somewhere in his bedroom?! These are the times when I really feel for Kate and her husband because maybe he's just saying this for attention but maybe there's a squirrel in his dresser, and they won't find out until they investigate.
Oy. When kids start asking about God, I don't know how to answer. Good thing that he quickly and randomly transitioned to wolves with crystals on their collars.
It's really funny that Kate thought that he would be able to limit himself to one thing about boats. Instead, he expounded on the whole history of pirates and murderous giant squids. Sounds like he's been reading some fun books!
...Do I know what blueberries smell like? I don't know if I'm joking when I say I might walk into my kitchen right now and try to smell my blueberries. Because I actually have no idea? Do they have a smell. This mystery must be solved.
There's a fine line between indulging his stalling efforts and reassuring him that you have never been bitten by a tiger or a bear. He's clearly trying to test her with this one.
If I got this question, I would probably be like, "Nope! Sorry. We can never talk about that because if you talk about it, then it won't happen. love you goodnight!!!!" And then I would watch his mind be boggled in real time.
The best way to get out of a serious discussion about your behavior is to not even acknowledge your mother when she tries to talk to you about it. Sure, she'll be frustrated beyond belief, but you won't have to answer for your actions. At least not right away.
When kids learn exactly what they can say and do to push your buttons, that's when you know you're in trouble. This kid knows exactly what to say to make his mom not leave the room.
"If snuggles don't work, probably the only thing that will stop the storm is if you give me a plate of cookies and milk. I know, it's weird, but it's been known to work! Throw in a piece of cake too to be extra sure!"
I wanted to drive so badly when I was growing up, but I don't think that I cared about getting my license at 6 years old. It was more like when I was 15 and still had to take the bus to school.
Kids don't really understand how trades and bets work. It doesn't work, for example, if the two things you are trying to trade for already belong to the other person. Someday, he'll learn.
I feel like these were trick questions. If she answered, "Yes," he would have been concerned about her, but if she answered, "No," he would think she's never loved someone intensely. This was a lose-lose situation.
This is too funny. I couldn't imagine having a kid during the pandemic. They are so gross. They will play with snakes and not wash their hands. Then they'll rub those hands all over your face. Not ideal.
This kid is hilarious and clearly very thoughtful, but it also seems like he wants to be comforted, and I wouldn't know what to say in response to this question! He's clearly very creative and curious, though. Obviously, Kate is nailing this whole parenting thing.