Not going to lie, I sighed heavily and said, "Oh boy," out loud to myself before I started writing this one. Racism is alive and well in all aspects of life today, including in relationships, and this Reddit "Am I the A-hole?" post proves that.
A white father secretly ordered a paternity test for his biracial son because of his skin color, and when he told his black wife, she became furious. He doesn't see why it is such a big deal.
OP says he is a white man married to a black woman. They have two kids, a 3-year-old girl and a 5-year-old boy. He writes, "My wife got pregnant with our son early in our relationship. We had only been together a year. We got married because she got pregnant. Fortunately for us, we are actually happy."
I'm not so sure about that last sentence anymore. Because OP explains that when his son was born, he noticed his skin is darker than his wife's. "He doesn't look half-white," he writes. His family and friends have gone so far as to ask him if he's sure his son is his.
Although he had doubts, he decided to trust his wife. But then, they had their daughter. She looks just like him and that's the reason he has no doubt that she's his. "I never realized how powerful it is to know a child is yours," he wrote. "I bonded with her easier because there wasn't the question of paternity dangling over our heads. My family bonded with her faster too. Her resemblance to me convinced me that my son is not mine."
Excuse my while I retrieve my eyeballs. They seem to have rolled so far to the back of my head that they've gotten lost. It is absolutely, 100 percent racist and nothing else to assume that only a child that looks just like you could possibly be yours. Genetics don't work like that.
In all families, kids will look like an uneven combination of their parents. Some kids look exactly like one parent and nothing like the other, and vice versa. To doubt that you are the father of your biracial son because his skin is dark is racist. Period.
But reader, this story gets worse. Remember how well he and his family "bonded" with his own daughter? Well, OP says that he's "tried" to treat his children equally but was starting to "resent" his son. He was so convinced that he wasn't his that he felt it was "unfair" that he "had to care for someone else's child."
He let this racist idea eat away at him and affect how he treated his own son and his wife. "I finally got a paternity test in secret," he writes. "I was relieved to learn that my son is in fact mine. Genetics are weird." HA! "Genetics are weird." That's how he's writing off years of paranoid racism toward his own family. Cool. Cool cool cool.
He claims that since the paternity test results came back, his relationship with his wife and son "improved dramatically." He writes, "I feel much closer to him now that I know he's mine." This man is a straight-up monster.
Because he thinks he has morals and doesn't like to keep secrets, he confessed to his wife that he got the paternity test, thinking she'd be cool with it. Obviously, she flipped out. "She asked me if I ever doubted our daughter, and when I said no she called me racist. It's not true," he wrote.
The man is delusional. His wife said that he made their son feel unloved for years for no reason. He claims he treated him like he was his own, but not a few sentences before, he admitted that his bond became stronger with his son after he knew they were genetically related.
This man is running circles around his own behavior trying to fabricate some explanation that doesn't involve him being racist, but it just doesn't exist. His wife has said she wants to move out and take the kids with her once quarantine is over, and I don't blame her.
Commenters agreed with his wife. "She is absolutely not overreacting. You not only did not trust your wife, you let your ignorance get in the way of you bonding with your child," one commenter wrote.
Many commenters made it clear that his behavior was absolutely rooted in racism and unacceptable. "This suspicion of yours that was based on nothing except his skin color (which might very well lighten a bit when he grows up, btw, maybe your wife was darker when she was a baby) affected the way you treated your son. THAT's what makes YTA," one person wrote.
OP went off in the comments about how he doesn't have a "racist bone" in his body, and he continued to claim that he never treated his son differently, even though he, his wife, and certainly his son all noticed a change in their relationship. It doesn't seem like OP is willing to accept that his behavior was awful. I wouldn't be surprised to see an update soon about their divorce.