Paul Reubens Decided to Go Back Into the Closet After a Painful Breakup
"I looked across the room and saw someone and fell in love instantly."
Published May 23 2025, 2:13 p.m. ET
Leading up to his death in 2023, actor Paul Reubens worked on a documentary about his life. He was best known for his delightfully quirky and endlessly wacky character Pee-wee Herman, but the comedian was also plagued by controversy in his personal life. A documentary titled Pee-wee as Himself addresses the two times Reubens was arrested, once for indecent exposure in an adult film theater and again for possession of child sexual abuse images. The latter charges were dropped.
Perhaps the most heartbreaking moment in the film is when Reubens publicly discusses his homosexuality. He looked back on the most significant relationship he had with a man named Guy. The two met at a party at Paul's alma mater, the California Institute of the Arts. "I looked across the room and saw someone and fell in love instantly," he recalled. Paul later decided to go back into the closet. Let's take a look at the big adventure that was his relationship history.
It's hard to nail down Paul Reubens' relationship history.
According to Paul himself, Guy, a painter from Echo Park, was the love of his life. Apart from bringing love into Paul's world, he also came with a ton of odd mannerisms which the actor would later incorporate into his Pee-wee Herman character. He would often say things like, "Mmmm! Buttery!" in a Yoda-esque voice. "You can see where that led me," said Paul in the documentary.
Not only was Guy a talented artist but Paul said he was "extremely funny," which means a lot coming from him. The two quickly moved in together and began "playing house," Paul explained. "I lost my entire personality and myself in being with somebody else and part of a duo," he said. After they broke up, Paul decided to focus solely on his career, which involved making the decision to go back into the proverbial closet. "I was going to advance my career because I could control that."
Like many actors in the 1980s, and even before, Paul said being openly gay would hurt his career. He went to "great lengths for many, many years to keep it a secret," but still kept in touch with Guy, including after Guy was diagnosed with HIV/AIDs. "I’m an actor, and he was somebody extremely important to me," explained Paul in the documentary. "And so I just tried really hard to be normal." Paul was able to visit with Guy in the hospital hours before he died.
Paul Reubens was connected to a lot of women, but they never actually dated.
Paul revealed in the documentary that he had "many, many secret relationships." Because Hollywood loves to gossip, the actor was also publicly connected to a few ladies. Other than being linked to his Big Top Pee-wee costar Valeria Golino after the two showed up at the 1988 Oscars together, Paul also got fake married in 1989, per Vanity Fair.
After becoming friends with late Heiress Doris Duke and her adopted adult daughter, Chandi Heffner, Paul and Chandi pretended to exchange vows at a dinner party at Shangri-la, Duke's faux-Persian Diamond Head estate. "I still have the temporary marriage license signed by Imelda Marcos," he told the outlet.
Two years later, Paul was arrested for the first time. He would later credit fellow actor and best friend, Debi Mazar, with pulling him out of a subsequent depression. Debi and Paul had a platonic love affair that was never consummated. Debi told Andy Cohen they had a "love affair that was just cerebral." It started in 1993 and lasted about two years.