Imagine this: It's 2007. You're about to graduate high school. Your low-rise jeans are digging into your pelvis, and you can't move because you're wearing three polo shirts, one on top of the other. But you have nice eyes. The nicest eyes in the grade, in fact. You know it. Everyone knows it. And now it's official because it's in the yearbook. There you are. Nicest Eyes.
You went through college secure in the idea that your eyes were gorgeous. Maybe you even became an eye doctor just so lots of people would be forced to gaze into those beauts day in and day out. And then suddenly, the rug is ripped out from underneath you. A classmate from your senior year who you haven't spoken to or thought about or, frankly, remembered existed for the last 13 years comes out and says it was all a lie.
They admit, right there, in the Historical Figure High School Class of 2007 Facebook group that the superlatives were rigged. The people who won did so because they fudged the votes. This happened, people. And it's not pretty.
Writer and editor for Entertainment Weekly, Marc Sneitker, posted this screenshot from his former high school's extremely chaotic senior class Facebook page on Twitter. One member of the class casually confesses that the Student Leadership Council of 2007 "interfered" with the senior class superlatives. They forged ballots to try to rig "literally every category." Literally every category.
For 13 years, they've been holding onto this secret. And they chose a couple of days into 2020 to drop this bomb on grown adults who were just going about their lives. People were probably getting home from work, feeding babies, kissing their spouses, or getting happy hour drinks with coworkers when a former classmate just decided to decimate their perceptions of their former selves and walk away. Incredible.
Obviously, I'm being tongue in cheek. If someone from my high school did this today, my first reaction would probably be, "Oh yeah, that person!" and then my quick second reaction would be, "We had senior superlatives?" But you never know. In some schools, superlatives were a big deal! And the 2007 senior class from this high school always believed their senior superlatives were earned fair and square. Until now.
Obviously, this caused quite a stir in the group chats, and Marc was kind enough to post several snippets of these panicked conversations between high school friends. It was truly like everything they thought they knew about their high school selves had been Thanos'd away with one little Facebook post.
First of all, I just have to say, who still talks to this many people from high school? I also graduated from high school in 2007, and I can count on one finger the number of people I still regularly text from those days. That being said, I'm glad Marc is still in touch with his high school friends because these conversations are golden.
Some highlights: First, "I don't care about the superlative but this confirms he stole my AP Calc notes." Right, because if someone robs a bank, they're definitely also a murderer. (No but he probably stole the AP Calc notes.)
Second: "So that means he won 'biggest case of senioritis'...on purpose?" Amazing. What a choice. I suppose if you really did not care about school anymore, that would be the one to choose. Maybe it was a case of him not really qualifying for any other superlatives but also feeling like he was entitled to one.
Third highlight: "THAT WAS MIDDLE SCHOOL." They had superlatives in middle school? This school was supporting sixth-grade couples?! Who let that happen? There had to have been adults involved. Superlatives in general are a scourge, but middle school superlatives? That's just cruel.
And last but certainly not least: "Do you think people don't believe I had best eyes????" Four question marks. Those are the question marks of someone who's just been driven into a deep existential crisis. Obviously, this story resonated highly with... pretty much everyone on the internet.
I would watch the crap out of that show. If there's an audience for The Politician, there's an audience for this. Marc's original tweet has over 75,000 likes and 5,000 retweets, and its popularity is growing by the second. Unlike the people who won the 2007 class superlatives; they, apparently, weren't as popular as people were led to believe.
People want more of this story. More Facebook comments. More group chats. More an entire adapted screenplay of this incident. And I am one of those people. Inject this 13-year-old petty high school drama into my veins.