Love can drive us to do crazy things. Like getting matching tattoos, or sharing joint custody of a pet pig with a cute, punny name. Or get married because we don't want to die alone. It happens, and people end up in "settlement" relationships all the time. Some settlements can ultimately be great ones and people end up with life partners that they're more or less content with, despite daily struggles, temptations, and the occasional argument over who pulls their weight in household chores.
Some people, however, just jump headlong into marriage because they simply want to get married and don't really pick a person they're that crazy about to begin with. While everyone might not find their soulmate or that person who could fart in their face while they live in a box on Madison avenue and still be happy, they should probably still give a little bit more thought to their relationships than these people did.
Because a lot of these cases of instant divorce were either in relationships that were rife with red flags from the start or involved people who turned on a dime the second they tied the knot.
1. Meth confession
Redditor ThaiJohnnyDepp talks about an "unsolicited outburst at a family dinner":
"I KNOW YOU GUYS KNOW I DO METH! AND YOU NEED TO BACK OFF ABOUT IT!" Wife didn't know; her dad didn't know; nobody knew."
Way to rat yourself out, bro.
2. Trust fund issues
A couple of friends who were dating got married as a gag in Las Vegas, until one of the friends realized she would lose her trust fund as a result of the marriage:
"Some friends, who had been dating for a few months, got married in Las Vegas as sort of a drunken joke. The girl found out she would lose a lot of her trust fund because of being married. A gaggle of 4 lawyers were flown in and got a very quick retroactive annulment. Marriage lasted 4 days, except legally it was declared to have never existed at all. They dated for 3 more years then broke up."
3. Military wife not feeling that life, had wedding anyway.
I don't think this is particularly petty, but the timing of it was kinda weird:
"Not sure how long it took the divorce to actually happen, but I went to a wedding where the bride didn't go home with the groom afterwards. There wasn't any cheating, she just decided she didn't want to be a military wife. They were together before he enlisted, so I think part of it was that she wasn't ready to move away from her family. It just sucked that she waited until that day to tell anyone."
4. Neither was willing to relocate.
Ummm, they probably didn't really love each other in the first place:
"My cousin and her first husband got divorced after about a month because one of them lived in Houston and the other in Dallas and they never really agreed how they were going to deal with that.
I'm sure there were other things too, but that was the official story."
5. Bride sexting during the ceremony.
Yeah, probably a good sign you shouldn't be tying the knot:
"I went to a wedding where the bride got drunk and the groom picked up her phone and saw that she was sexting a coworker during the entire wedding... He told the officiant to not file the paperwork. Great reception though.
Edit: This occurred at the end of the reception as they were leaving to go to the honeymoon suite (the story is she was very drunk and her phone kept getting notifications so he picked it up). They did not go on their honeymoon and they returned the gifts to everyone. The guests weren’t told about what happened for a couple weeks as the bride was trying to save the relationship. I was also not privy to the legality of the nuptials not being submitted to the city clerk, so I can’t help on that front."
6. A wedding the groom had no idea about.
Kind of petty that he agreed to go through with the wedding so as not to upset everyone:
"Years and years ago, my uncle's girlfriend planned a wedding and invited everyone and didn't tell him until the week of. I don't know the whole story about why she did it but he went through with it and quietly got it anulled and broke up with her."
7. Marriage just for the sex.
Sadly I know a lot of young "religious" couples from my community who did just this. Or so they don't have to live with their parents anymore:
"I know two couples who got married for the sole purpose of having sex together. Both marriages lasted a year combined."
8. No gift + cheating.
"My friend married this woman after years of dating. They were together about 6 months, then on their first Christmas, he got her a present and she got him nothing. Later that night she left their house and didn’t come back until the next morning.
Apparently she had made an account on some dating site on Christmas, met a guy, and slept with him that night. She came clean the next day, but that was the end of their six-month marriage."
9. Because of a Nintendo 64?
I'm being reductionist here, but maybe she left because she didn't want to part with her N64:
"My dad and his second wife made it like not even four months before she left and I never saw or heard from her again. She said she was going to give me an old Nintendo 64, she never did."
10. Because she wanted her "special day".
Hey, a "special day" is only "special" if your relationship is actually special. Just saying:
"My wife’s family’s neighbor’s daughter got married and threw a huge wedding day bash like spent 50-70 grand. Then not even 2 weeks later got divorced. She had been cheating on her husband throughout the engagement but still wanted her ‘special day’. I heard later on that she had asked her mom if she had to live with her husband after they got married."
11. Don't screw the DJ.
Must've had a really great playlist:
"I work as a clerk at a Family Courthouse.
Bride f***** the DJ. At the reception.
New record for the office pool.
EDIT: to be fair the divorce was about 2 months after the wedding when the husband was told by the maid of honour. Still, wild story.
12. In her defense, the country does suck.
Love doesn't conquer all I guess:
"Three weeks. City girl moved to the country and hated it. She moved back to the city and hasn't left it."
13. Once a cheater...
Always a cheater, apparently:
"I have a friend who proposed to his girlfriend like a week after he caught her cheating on him. He thought it would bring them closer and fix their relationship. Needless to say, he drove by his house on lunch a few months later and saw her coworkers truck in the driveway. She’s getting d***** down in his house and he just drives right by. They are currently getting divorced after barely a year of marriage."
"They got married in the October, she left him just after Christmas the same year. She was bored.
I don't know what he expected really, she'd cheated on him when they were engaged too and he'd forgiven her."
15. Groom used to be engaged to one of their bridesmaids.
Finding out on the day of wedding was probably not the best timing:
"Had a bit of a tip off when we didn't see the bride at the reception. She was next door in the carriage house restroom sobbing. She had just found out, on her wedding day, that her groom had once been engaged to one of her bridesmaids. The groom was NOT cheating on her, but just never got around to telling her that he and one of their "mutual friends" had once been an item. The groom spent the reception at the bar, the restaurant staff served the meal but there was no cake cutting, bridal dance etc..."
16. Just wanted the wedding.
"One of my friends from college filed for divorce ten months after her wedding. They were never really a good match and everyone could see it. Honestly? I think she just wanted to have a wedding and be a 'princess for a day.' Once she realized she actually had to keep the guy, she started having second thoughts."
17. Because he got sick.
"My cousin was married and then three months later he had a brain aneurism and survived. His new wife divorced him soon after saying she wasn’t prepared for that. He’s now married to someone much nicer and twenty times more attractive."
18. Bride that pushed a dude from a cliff.
Eight days of marriage was all it took for her to realize this man needed killing. Horrifying:
"How about the bride that pushed her new husband off a cliff on day 8?
When people noticed he wasn’t around she notified the police. Then when they started searching for him and asking questions she sent an anonymous email from joe the plumber (from her parents computer) saying he is dead. Then when they still didn’t stop investigating she led a search and rescue party directly to his body. She said God led her to the spot. At the funeral she seemed relieved and guests heard her say she was glad that the police didn’t have to be involved anymore. Eventually she made up a story about it being an accident. Finally she confesses to everything.
They hadn’t even consummated the marriage.
It’s a trippy ride, but here’s the link."
19. More and more meth.
Marriage was so stressful, this guy wanted to turn back to doing meth:
"He started using meth again after years of recovery. They were married for less than a year. Kinda sad really. He's in rehab now."
20. I have so many questions.
Unrelated, I want to go to a goth wedding:
"One week, a couple of friends seemed happily married.
Next thing I know, the wife has shared a pic of herself on the beach in a wedding dress being lofted by some goth-looking long-haired dude, her new groom.
21. Actually this is super terrifying.
Holy hell this is legit slavery:
"A friend of mine worked for her husband's brother (it's how they met). Once they got married her boss stopped paying her because she was family now and 'you don't have to pay family'. So she quit and found another job immediately without consulting her husband, and in a fury her husband changed all the locks while she was asleep in the back bedroom, and put deadbolts on the outside of the door, so she could only leave their house if he let her out, and took her cell phone. (they didn't have a landline). It took her about 2 hours to get ahold of us online (dumbass didn't think she could contact people with a laptop), so we called the police who busted down the door and got her out. Husband went to prison, her divorce went through REAL quick, and now (5 years later) she lives on the coast and got engaged again to a very sweet guy who knows we're all watching like hawks."