"Cool Story, Bird Turd" — Teenager Bravely Insults His Dentist

In their 2006 hit, My Chemical Romance said it best — “Teenagers scare the living s--- out of me.” Now, Dr. Brady Smith, a dentist with a decent TikTok following, has had his own teenage bully horror. He shared with his followers how one teenager dared to call him a “bird turd” as an insult.

The story is so surprising and hilarious that we can’t help but laugh at Dr. Smith. At the same time, he gets a bit vulnerable by the end and our hearts just go out to him. We’ve all dealt with bullies, but as an adult, dealing with a teenage bully is even scarier.

“Alright, the most obnoxious teenager I’ve ever had in my dental chair, I’ll tell you the story right now. I’ll give you one guess what color his hair was,” to which I immediately thought “bleached blonde” because which boys are more obnoxious than the ones with bleached blonde hair? But apparently, he was a ginger, which Dr. Smith thinks should be a given. It’s the antiquated view of the “ginger bully,” but it definitely paints the picture.

“16, 17-year-old kid comes in with mom,” he continues. “Mom is right there with him this whole time … He’s got bad gingivitius, inflammation of his gums, pretty normal at that age. But I use this as an opportunity to help him out because I care. And I say nice things like, ‘Hey, I’m gonna give you some helpful hints so that you can avoid people like me in your life’ and I go into this whole explanation of how gum disease works … He looks me dead in my eyes and he says, ‘Cool story, bird turd.’”

Who says bird turd anymore? That’s honestly the best part of this story. And Dr. Smith agrees, even though he was initially upset. “What did you just call me?” he reenacts.

“Excuse me, Dr. Bird Turd to you. Mom did nothing, by the way. That was nice that she’s sitting there and displayed zero reaction to her kid calling a dentist a bird turd. This poor woman, she probably deals with ten times worse everyday,” he realizes.

It’s not easy being a dentist, but it’s definitely not easy being a mother either. Regardless, Dr. Smith goes on to tell the greatest joke of his video. “I don’t know what the laws are on abortion, or if 16 years old is considered late term, but that was my initial thought.” The teen’s poor mother has probably wondered the same thing in all fairness.

But Dr. Smith’s actual reaction was much more realistic … and much less witty. “I actually reacted by saying, ‘Your name is Bird Turd’ … That got mom’s attention because she was like, ‘What?’ and I was like, ‘We’re just having a conversation. Just go back to your phone, you’re fine. Don’t worry about us.’”

Then, Dr. Smith gets vulnerable. “Should I be threatened by that? No, I shouldn’t be, but I am. And I know it doesn’t make any sense. I have a wonderful life. I make lots of money, I have a beautiful wife and family. He is a junior at the local high school in the marching band. It doesn’t make any sense.” It doesn’t!

“But it angered me. More than I’d like to admit,” he revealed. “Also, I use Bird Turd as an insult now. I have used that exact phrase, ‘Cool story, Bird Turd,’ to other people to aggravate and annoy them. I guarantee he’s not brushing his teeth, so I learned more from him that day than he learned from me.”

The commenters agree that teenagers are scary and mean, even when you’re a charming, handsome, TikTok-viral, and very funny dentist. They’re also (rightfully) shocked that someone would ever insult dentists considering that they put a lot of sharp tools in our mouths. But at least we’ve all learned a great new insult.