When my wife's cousin came from Egypt to visit America for the first time, I wanted his first experience in this great land of ours to produce the most amount of culture shock as possible, while also encapsulating everything that the U S of A is all about.
So I took him to Costco. He couldn't believe he could get a cell phone plan in the same place he could purchase lawn chairs, designer socks, a pizza, and motor oil.
If you've been a regular Costco customer over the years this just seems par for the course for any excursion into America's greatest retailer. However, there are some Costco finds that are a bit strange to even the most seasoned Costco customer, no matter how many times you may see them.
72 pounds of cheese
For, you know, trying to taunt someone who's lactose intolerant.
In the past they had some that looked like something straight out of Beauty and the Beast, but the modern ones look like something the Property Brothers would place above a kitchen island.
When you want everyone to know you're spending the rest of your days with the love of your life while you pick up a rotisserie chicken and get your tires changed.
When you want to have an unbeatable warranty for your background grow operation.
A whole garage
You can assemble it yourself.
REALLY expensive engagement rings
You know the greeter's going to check the receipt on this one.
A chicken coop
It features two stories and an open floor plan.
600-bottle wine coolers
"Enthusiast" is either a weird way of calling someone a restaurateur, or a nice way of saying a person's an alcoholic.
Rumor has it if you're buried in one of these, your afterlife is spent in a Costco with unlimited rotations of free samples.
To help ease your aching muscles after carrying the 72 lb wheel of parmesan.
Yes, above ground counts.
$20,000 Camaro pool table
Mario Andretti signed it, but he never even professionally raced one of these things. At least you get the added benefit of saying the front grill got in the way when you mess up a shot.
A very exclusive pattern that's only available to anyone else who has a Costco membership.
28 lb. bucket of mac n' cheese
With the way I eat mac and cheese, I'd say 240 servings is being very optimistic here.
Ginormous teddy bear
How is this girl carrying this thing around outside? It's definitely going to get dirty. How do her parents even wash it? How much does it weight soaking wet? No one thinks about these things.
The countoured carrying case is what really sells it for me.
Kilogram of caviar
When you want to be fancy, but not too fancy.
Never tip or interact with a human on the golf course ever again. At least until the battery runs out.
COVID-19 PCR tests
If you didn't have COVID-19 before, you will after walking around a packed retail store. Better pick this up in the off-hours.
Ugh, just-add-water beef stroganoff again?
To help you steal emergency meal kits from other families in the apocalypse.
So happy there's other color options for the first choice.
$2,000 of Wagyu beef
Honestly? Kind of a bargain.
Gym memberships ... depending on the area you live in.
You know, to help burn off all the $1.50 hot dog/drink combos you've been taking advantage of all these years.