A woman who returned home to a messy house after taking an 11-day vacation away from her husband and children is being urged by TikTokers to stand her ground in the relationship.
Kian's (@kianthelen) video seemed to strike a nerve with folks on the platform who couldn't fathom why anyone's significant other would think it's okay to leave their shared home so messy.
Some urged her immediately divorce the man immediately, while others said that she should have left the house and demanded he clean it until she returned. Her clip showing off the mess went viral, accumulating over 3.9 million views on the popular social media platform.
Her video appeared to spark a conversation about assumed gender roles in hetero normative male/female relationships, which is an oft-discussed topic of conversation on TikTok: like this one woman who argued that when men get married, they often earn themselves more free time as their wives usually take on household responsibilities such as cleaning/cooking/and home upkeep.
Kian writes in a text overlay of the video, "Returning home after my 11-day vacation," and then opens the front door in order to assess the aftermath of leaving the home alone for that duration of time.
She's met with an apocalyptic mess: toys, books, shoes, drawing pads, pieces of home decor, a cooler, and various items are strewn about the house haphazardly. Kian writes in a caption for the clip: "At least he kept the kids alive," however, there were a number of users on the platform who weren't exactly thrilled that dad didn't dedicate any time to clean up their home for when she arrived.
One person wrote that the mess was a clear instance of Kian getting back at her for deciding to go on an eleven-day long vacation without her family: "This is not cute. This is not weaponized incompetence. This is him making her pay for taking some time for herself."
Someone else penned that the huge mess was indicative of the respect, or lack thereof, that Kian's partner had for her: "that man does not respect you. you deserve so much better"
Another penned that seeing this mess would be all the impetus they needed to end the relationship right then and there: "the way I'd immediately file for divorce"
"Please tell me you didn’t clean that up," someone else said, while one other TikTok user also thought that the woman's husband was taking some anger out on her: "I’m sorry. What? Seems like he was punishing you for leaving"
Much has been written about the phenomenon of "weaponized incompetence," and nearly every time it's referenced, the example of a man intentionally doing less in a relationship with their wife is brought up, like in this Forbes piece.
The financial outlet defines weaponized incompetence as such: "also known as strategic incompetence, refers to the deliberate feigning of incompetence to avoid certain tasks or responsibilities. This strategy is sometimes used by men in relationships to avoid certain chores, housework or parenting tasks."
A common gripe between married couples is about the division of chores. NBC News penned an article titled "The Chore War" along with some helpful steps about "how to stop fighting about housework."-
It's also a recurring theme among various Redditors in the r/relationshipadvice and r/AITA subs. In fact, in the latter portion of the website, it seems like a day doesn't go by where there isn't one significant other asking for advice on how they can get their wife or husband to stop dragging their feet when it comes to helping out with chores.
As of this writing, Kian hasn't updated her followers with her response to discovering the mess, however, there was one viewer who saw her clip who speculated what her reaction would be: "Cue the: 'you guys don’t know him like I do! He’s so silly' video"