"I Want to Mess Up His Day Like He Messed Up Mine": Wife's Revenge on Forgetful Husband Has Folks Divided

An eye for an eye? This wife and mom wants to get back at her husband after he messed up an important workday for her by forgetting about the kids.


Oct. 5 2023, Published 3:48 p.m. ET

There has been a lot of discourse lately about how much of the mental load that women bear in their families. The domestic burdens often fall on the wives/moms, even if those same wives and moms have jobs outside of the home too.

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One woman on Mumsnet — who recently went back to work after being a stay-at-home mom for several years — had her important workday messed up because of her husband's forgetfulness. She's mad ... and she wants to get back at him. Is it petty? Or does she have every right? Let's dive into her story...

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Is this woman being unreasonable for wanting to mess up her husband's day the way he messed up hers?

On the "Am I Being Unreasonable" (AIBU) subforum on Mumsnet, a user named Aryt wrote a post about how her husband forgot to watch the kids, which resulted in her nearly missing a very important work meeting.

Aryt says she's been a stay-at-home mom for the past five years for their children (who are now ages 7 and 4), but she recently got a part-time job.

There was a crucial meeting one day at 5 p.m. with the "big boss" about an upcoming inspection, which had all the employees stressed. Aryt planned ahead by asking her husband to make sure he'd be home that day at 4:45 to watch the kids, so she could make her meeting.

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But by the time 4:45 rolled around, her husband wasn't home.

"At 4:50 p.m. he [still] wasn’t home so I called him. He had forgotten," she writes. "He said he would leave immediately, but his work is 15 minutes away so I’d be late. He said I should go and leave the kids, he wouldn’t be long. Obviously I did not do that."

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Unsure of what to do, Aryt went next door and asked her neighbor to look after the children.

"[Our neighbor is] a lovely lady who we know, but has never looked after the children before," Aryt explains.

Aryt then fled to make her meeting.

"I got to the meeting with one minute to spare, and met the big boss of the company very flustered and stressed so I doubt I made a good first impression," Aryt says.

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And when Aryt confronted her husband that night, he apologized but also said "don’t be like that" when she got upset.

Well, this didn't sit too well with her.

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So now, Aryt wants some revenge. She says her husband has a 5 p.m. doctor's appointment today, with the understanding that Aryt will be home so that he can drop off their son with her before going to his appointment.

"But I won’t be there," Aryt says. "If he would check my working hours, he would see that I work until 5 p.m. today and then I pick [our daughter] up from after school care so I will be home about 5:15 p.m. AIBU to not bother telling him?"

Hoooo boy, were the responses mixed on this one.

Some people encouraged Aryt to go for her plan, which would make her husband late for his doctor's appointment. Others called her "petty and vindictive" while also noting that "two wrongs don't make a right."

One person also pointed out: "Given his suggestion that you leave the kids alone, I wouldn't risk it..."

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Another user echoed: "He might leave the kids alone or he might miss the appointment which is unfair on others. But even if he does neither of these, this sort of tit-for-tat stuff isn’t going to help fix your relationship."

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"Let me guess — this issue is just tip of iceberg of an unhappy rotten [marriage]," another person wrote.

"So childish," someone else wrote. "Of course you need to remind him."

Later on, Aryt ended up mentioning in the comments section that she'd "calmed down" a bit and had read all the responses. "I won’t be so petty that I will make him late for his appointment, especially as it is a doctor’s appointment," she commented. "But we do need to have a chat about how I feel my new job isn’t important to him. And he needs to start being more organized too."

"Yes, people can forget things, but we had a whole conversation at the weekend about it, plus a phone call at lunchtime," she also said. "I don’t think I should have to keep reminding him of stuff like a child."

What do you think? Did this mom make the right decision in the end?

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