We all have friends we absolutely adore and think the world of, who we truly believe in our heart of hearts deserve to be with the best possible person in the world. We fantasize for them and think up someone generous and thoughtful who supports and understand them, someone who matches their intellect and makes them laugh, and all around makes their lives easier and more pleasant.
The reason I bring up these friends is because there's usually one person we cherish and love who always seems to date down. And I don't mean hook up with someone just slightly less attractive than them — I mean they literally always end up with a jerk who puts them down, gaslights or belittles them, and all around treats them like garbage.
I've been on both sides of this phenomenon: I've been the person in the bad relationship who is somehow deaf to my friends' disapproval, and I've been the friend who pleads with Chris and Alex to for the love of god leave their mess of a significant other.
But because people in unhealthy relationships often can't hear these pleas from the ones who care about them, people took to reddit to voice their concerns over their friends' horrible partnerships after years of being ignored by the parties involved.
Read on for 13 relationships that are so painfully cringe, you'll vow to be single forever.
1. This generally disastrous wife and mom.
They each have a daughter from a past relationship. Her daughter lives with them and gets everything under the sun. His daughter is treated like an outsider when she has visits (both girls are 4, they were supposed to each get a tablet for Christmas, so I bought them each a tablet case as their gift. It wasn’t until Christmas morning that I realized the girlfriend's daughter was the only one to get the tablet...)
More often than not, when his visit with his daughter is approaching, the girlfriend picks fights with him and he ends up not getting his daughter. If it’s not a scheduled visit for the guy and his daughter, the girlfriend picks fights on Thursdays or Fridays, they break up for the weekend, then she comes crawling back on Sunday night. (This usually happens immediately after HE pays all of their bills).
Now they have a child together and she made him quit his well-paying job with benefits to stay home with the baby so she could waitress. He decided to go to school part-time, (an hour commute) and she refuses to take care of their daughter on her days off, so he had to leave school. I’ve also recently learned that even though she gets $1100/month in family allowance, plus her pay and tips and his parental leave, they never have any money for their baby, and I’ve learned the reason for this is she has a [drug] habit.
He is my brother and when I try to explain things to him and tell him he needs out, he fights with me and calls me crazy and I’m the reason for all his stress.
2. It hurts to watch our friends get walked all over.
I watched my best friend's wife (thankfully now ex) systematically dismantle him. It was horrible to watch. I was vocal about how much it bothered me and it drove a wedge between us and some years passed where we didn't speak to each other. We have since reconnected and she is out of the picture. It was hard hearing him say "dude you were the only one who told me it was a bad idea and I pushed you away" but I'm glad he saw the light.
3. Beware of couples who move in too early.
Soon after getting together, she moved into his apartment. She turned his spare bedroom/office into her music room. Next she turned his garage into her yoga studio (she never did yoga). She preferred his car but wouldn't let him drive hers, meaning there were many nights where he was stuck at home while she was out with her friends.
She controlled his drinking... the few times he was out he was allowed ONE drink (which she usually drank), while she got totally rat-faced. She often stayed over at other guy friends houses cause 'it's too late to drive home'. She planned an elaborate holiday trip, which he paid for, to visit her ex. Relationship lasted a little under a year before she broke up with him... Because he turned 36 and she only dates guys who are 35.
4. "Asking for a friend..."
In this case the friend was me.
My ex-wife would invite a couple of her friends over once a week for dinner. Whatever else she was, she was an excellent cook. She was also sleeping with at least three other guys, and carrying on an online affair.
I suspect her one friend knew about it, and tried to tell me about it over dinner on more than one occasion. She explained that she had a friend who was getting married, but her fiancé didn't know that she was cheating on him all the time. With a bunch of different guys.
And I would say, "well, why don't you tell him?" And she would go, "It's... complicated. I know him well enough, but she's been my friend for years and I don't want to alienate that friendship."
It was a recurring topic of conversation at weekly dinner. We were divorced by the time I realized she was talking about me.
5. Don't you love it when people openly boast about how terrible they are?
The guy loved bragging about what a [jerk] he was. Treated her like [crap] and never seemed interested in her, until he found out how rich she was (one of her dad's companies got sold and the news was public, so her dad couldn't keep his name off the Forbes list). Then, he publicly declared they're together, after three years of toying with her. At every family event he was at, he just treated it like one big networking bonanza. Doesn't seem to have a clear job, but claims he's in finance. Claimed to be "working remotely" while freeloading at her parents' place for six weeks (and happily treating all their household staff like they were his employees).
We all tried telling her, and even though we're like sisters, she actually told me, "It's OK if you don't like him, you don't have to."
Her father reminded her that it's in their family constitution that any potential spouse must be thoroughly vetted by private investigators first. He gave her the courtesy of warning her that he was going to do it in exchange for her agreement that she won't tell him while the investigation is ongoing. She confidently agreed, completely believing he'd come clean.
Yeah, the [jerk] was cheating on her.
She was a mess for the longest time but fortunately, she's fine now and married to the most awesome guy ever.
6. "I fear she'll never leave him."
My sister-in-law has always had weight issues (thanks to her parents who always called her "little fatty" growing up). At 21, she went rummaging through humanity's garbage can and brought home the first piece of [trash] to show her any attention. Within nine months of meeting him they were married and within a year, she had his baby.
This guy has it all. He's openly rude to her and her family in public (and in front of her parents). He has about a fifth grade education and zero plans to improve himself. He has a baby with another woman who he never sees (and never tries to). He has a drinking and gambling problem. He also makes sure it's a "his money/her money" situation, and gives all his money to his parents (who are better off), his nieces, and on booze/gambling, so my SIL (who does now make a lot) basically supports them. He insists on living in the [crummiest], most dangerous part of town, even though they've dealt with several break-ins and they could live closer to her parents for less than they pay now. Speaking of them, they're basically raising his baby because she works and he just stays out as much as possible.
I figured they wouldn't last a year, but now I fear she'll never leave him and the kid is going to turn out super [messed] up.
7. Yea, I'd recommend not dating someone with FOUR cardboard cutouts of HIMSELF.
[My friend] habitually dates [crappy] dudes, but now she’s married to one of them.
He constantly has to one-up everyone and brag about how he’s better than everyone at everything (the best dancer, the best writer, the best addict, the most people visited him at the hospital, etc, etc).
The guy's got four cardboard cutouts of himself in his house. He made his own CD about how to be a business man and gives everyone unwanted signed copies. He doesn’t have a job.
He compares her to all his old girlfriends constantly in front of her friends and family and constantly puts her down.
None of us in the friend group want to hang out with her anymore because he just polices the situation and insults us. (Came to someone’s birthday to tell them they weren’t special).
8. Sometimes you just want to rip your hair out and scream "BREAK UP WITH HIM ALREADY."
My best friend and I met through our boyfriends. One weekend we went on a girls' trip — just the two of us, to my parent's holiday house. Our plans were to go hiking and chill out on our own, however he called her two days in and started verbally abusing her for no reason and was yelling that he was going to drive the 300kms and pick her up. She calmed him down and I drove her home so that she could break up with him. She didn't.
So fast forward three months, we went out to the local bars and he was going to come later and pick her up when she was ready. My boyfriend was there with us because he was my designated driver so he was making sure we were safe — not that we needed it. About two hours into the night her bf came into one of the bars and demanded she go home with him. He got quite abusive and despite me trying to get her to come home with me she went home with him.
She's still with him and they're now house hunting.
9. I don't know who's at fault here, the whole relationship sounds like a downward spiral.
He cheated on her multiple times. He was emotionally and physically abusive and he slowly turned her into an insecure, crazy [person]. She once slapped me because we were in a club and he said something to me and I responded, but because it was loud I had to talk in his ear and she thought I kissed him ?!!?
She moved countries for him, allowed him to live rent-free while doing nothing meanwhile she was working two jobs to support them. He'd break [stuff] in the house whenever they got in a fight. He brought girls back to her place and [had sex with] them in her bed and sent her pictures while she was at work. They got pregnant and she got an abortion but he didn't go with her or support her emotionally or financially. After the abortion when they'd fight, he'd tell her she was a murderer and killed his baby.
They're still together. 10 years weak.
10. This guy still won't divorce her?!
We were 17. He met her at a Walmart.
This girl was a hypocrite if there ever was one. Holier than thou and judgmental but also trying to get knocked up at 16 by anyone she could proposition, including his friends (and my brother). She was also a control freak, jealous, you know the drill.
We begged and begged him to get far, far away from her. Who wants their friend to be a teen dad and tied to a loony forever? The best we could get from him was that he promised not to get her pregnant. Yeah, no. She was pregnant within a year and they got married. Had two more kids but finally broke up a few years ago.
We're 28 now and the kicker is he STILL won't divorce her. She lives with another guy and had that guy's baby but my friend just won't file the papers. And she won't either because of a bull law that requires him to pay for a baby that isn't his, because they're married and the law says it is even if genetics say otherwise.
It's both sad and frustrating.
11. The friend who stops hanging out because their significant other "forbids" it.
We had one friend in our group, who was this introverted but sweet guy. He hooked up with a girl we called "the troll." I don't quite know what he saw in her, maybe he was just lonely — but she was unattractive, unpleasant, unintelligent — and most importantly, she was terribly domineering.
Like she was telling him off and telling him what to [do] in public, I dread to think what it would be like in private. She was also cutting him off from his friends, especially female ones.
They're married with twins now, and none of our friend group are in contact with him anymore. Last I saw him was his engagement party.
12. This relationship sounds dangerous and I hope they're not still together.
I had one of those friends back in high school. She and this other kid started dating all lovey-dovey for a while, but after a bit she completely shut down to all of us, it was like something inside of her died. She started saying how she wanted out of the relationship and how she couldn't stand him anymore, but for some reason she just never broke up with him.
He got worse and worse with her over time, started hitting her and threatening her. Eventually her parents and the police got involved and they 'broke up' for like a month or two, but then they just got back together. From then on, she weirdly seemed to bounce back and forth between being super in love with him and happy that they're together, to looking all dead inside and seeming unable to stand him and it just went on like that — he'd go too far, they'd break up for a bit and then get back together again over and over.
We all tried to talk some sense into her, but she'd get angry at everyone, telling us it's none of our business and we should stay out of her life. I think her best friend got so frustrated with her over that, that she completely cut her out because she couldn't talk sense into her or help her but she also couldn't stand to watch it go on.
We lost touch pretty quick after high school, so I don't really know how she ended up. I want to believe everything turned out alright, but it's so easy to see a scenario where she ended up marrying that guy out of high school and spent the rest of her life miserable and trapped with him.
13. The woman who basically single-white-femaled her boyfriend.
They got together and she immediately took over his house which she began referring to as "her" house. He would come home and find out that she had her father over and they two would actually remodel portions of the house without even letting him know.
Dude was a commercial artist. So he had a small office/studio in one of the unused bedrooms. While he was at work, her and her dad took everything out of his office/studio, moved it to the basement and then moved the washer and dryer to that room. Then, apparently, realized that there were no ducts for the dryer and they needed some 220 outlets installed so she called him at work PISSED that his house "sucked" and he needed to get an electrician over there ASAP to fix this, which he did paying the emergency rate.
Was hoping he'd see the light. Unfortunately he did, but only after two kids and her forcing him to quit his good job with benefits.
Yikes. I hope you've had more luck in love than these guys.