It's Valentine's Day! Or just another Wednesday, depending on your situation. But even if you don't have a date tonight, you can still have a good laugh. Why? Because Twitter is full of comedians who don't have a date either. And as it turns out, social media is also full of evil geniuses looking to make a few bucks out of all the happy couples.
I am so excited for Valentine's Day bc I work and I'm gonna tell all my customers that my "boyfriend dumped me" so I "decided to cover another girl's shift" and I'm gonna get so many pity tips— ellie (@holy_schnitt) February 13, 2018
Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Everybody is gonna be waking up to a cute paragraph & imma be waking up to "iOS 11.2.5 update is available"— Cole Buer (@coIehearted) February 13, 2018
Love Valentine’s Day, love New Year’s Eve, love taking the SATs, just love high pressure situations and extreme expectations in general— B.J. Novak (@bjnovak) February 14, 2018
Happy Valentine's Day Eve! I just want everyone to know that one time in college I tried to search for my crush on Facebook, accidentally made his name my status, and then my phone died.— Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) February 13, 2018
If men wrote candy hearts:— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) February 14, 2018
- what r u up to?
Valentine’s Day tomorrow everyone gonna be waking up to cute texts and gifts while I wake up to 100% charged 😂— ✨ (@PETTYMAMII) February 13, 2018
if you’re single this valentine’s day, celebrate by reminding yourself 100% of relationships either end in heartbreak, divorce or death— tom (@tom_harlock) February 14, 2018
valentine’s day is approaching, but so is mcdonald’s monopoly and i’ll let you guess what i’m more excited for x— Paige💅🏽🛍✨ (@_paigemcmillann) January 28, 2018
Team Snapchat better not send me shit today talking bout Happy Valentines. We broke up when you updated behind my back— The Fellatio Fiend (@ScHoolboyRew) February 14, 2018
Valentine's Day is coming up and you know what that means.— Professor Snape (@_Snape_) February 13, 2018
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Roses are Red— Ginger Snapped ❤ (@katy_fit) February 14, 2018
Chocolates are Brown
You're getting neither
So calm the fuck down.
Love means never having to say anything because you're both looking at your smart phones— Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 14, 2016
i dont need a valentine i need 8 million dollars and a fast metabolism— pakalu papito (@pakalupapito) January 27, 2016
"Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?"— ☁︎ (@zacharywhyde) January 28, 2018
Me: Yes... February 14th
Retweet this if your plan for valentines day is to be bitter and wait for the inevitable next day sale to buy cheap candy.— Boogie2988 (@Boogie2988) February 14, 2018
2 types of people today:— C J A D E ♛ (@cjadenaqt) February 14, 2018
1. Valentines Day
2. Ash Wednesday
“wyd on Valentine’s Day?” going to work because it’s Wednesday— shawty. (@shawtysfeeI) February 12, 2018
So I bought a bunch of sweets and toys for Valentine's day, and the cashier said "Your special someone is surely going to enjoy all these gifts" and I looked her dead in her face and told her "I surely will".— ᴘᴇᴛᴇʀ (@OkigboHTX) February 12, 2018
valentines day is coming up and i've been going to karaoke every night for 3 weeks and singing The Fray hoping one of the girls in the crowd will realize i'm a good guy and will go on a date with me— ryan (@yeetztweetz) February 8, 2018
can clothes shops stop sending me emails about peng Valentines outfits when I’m spending the 14th in bed watching Netflix all day cause I’m single and lonely x— gabbie (@gabbiejarvis) February 7, 2018