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17 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week

 The truth isn't always stranger than fiction, but in these cases, it totally is. 

01
Christie: Trump made me order meatloaf

"Chris Christie has been a loyal friend of mine for the past year. He really has, let me tell you, he is so great, but not as great as yours truly, okay? But Chris Christie visited the White House and I treated him to dinner to say thank you. So to show my outstandingly terrific appreciation to him I made him order meatloaf. I made him eat it. It was beautiful. I could tell him to lay his head on my chair, I'd sit on him, and then let out the richest fabulous fart on him and he would take it. If he got pink eye, he wouldn't complain. He obeys me. It's terrific." ------------------------------------------ #sketchbooks #sketchbook #sketch #moleskinesketchbook #ink #pen #cartoon #cartoons #illustrate #illustration #draw #drawing #art #artwork #sketches #creative #doodle #artist #moleskine #painting #artoftheday #DonaldTrump #fucktrump #thedonald #fucktrump #nazitrumpsfuckoff #chrischristie #friday #tgif #meatloaf

A post shared by Matt Verkamp (@mverkamp) on

Christie wanted the Chicken Parm. Sad.

02
Workmen's cafe overwhelmed with customers after it is accidentally awarded a Michelin star.

People walked in expecting calf's brain, got a burger instead. This is amazing.

03
Streets should not be named after local heroes ‘in case they are paedophiles’, councils told
getty

Extreme Pedophile Vetting.

04
Judge orders mother to avoid more pregnancies

"No, you have to use a condom, it's literally illegal for me to get pregnant."

05
Woman arrested for prostitution after offering undercover cop oral sex for Taco Bell

#渋谷 #tacobell #めためたおいしぃぃいいい

A post shared by れみふぁ@3/5渋谷La.mama (@remifa03_sing) on

Well if you're going to go hookin' for one fast food item, it doesn't get much better than T-Bell.

06
Wednesbury man who 'died' 27 times praises hospital staff
worcerstshire royal hospital

Homeboy has got some really, really low standards. He'd probably get a great low-maintenance friend to have.

07
Teachers who avoid touching children are guilty of child abuse, experts claim

#fbf Livin that #pizza life in '89. #brethren #elementaryschool #shasta

A post shared by Gilbert Martinez (@gilbert227) on

These same experts probably claim that anyone who really loves their opposite sex significant other is probably secretly Gay.

08
Parkour mishap leaves tall, thin man stuck in downtown Denver chimney
denver police department

These new age chimney sweepers really have add some auxiliary services to stay relevant in this day and age, don't they?

09
London Mayor urged to hire cat after mice fall on schoolchildren's heads

I wonder what the interview process was like?

10
Milwaukee to 'Pokemon' monsters: Get a permit to enter parks

But...but...the monsters aren't real...they're....virtual. You know that people aren't capturing real monsters on their phones, right Milwaukee?

11
Nepal to create world’s highest free WiFi service at Everest base camp

Finally! I've always wanted to do the whole Everest thing but no WiFi was always a dealbreaker.

12
American Girl introduces boy doll, local minister enraged

#ChooseYourCharacter quiz: Which new characters are you most excited about meeting?

A post shared by American Girl (@americangirlbrand) on

As local ministers are wont to do.

13
Flying on a plane, one of the biggest stars in the NBA says the Earth is flat

Rest in Paradise Mr. Sager

A post shared by Kyrie Irving (@kyrieirving) on

What I don't get is why there are people who think the earth being round is a conspiracy? Like what would the conspirators gain by making everyone think the world is round?

14
Suspect in North Korea killing 'thought she was taking part in TV prank'
detik

I hate when that happens.

15
Nottinghamshire man finds 'biggest ever bran flake' in his cereal box
nottingham post

Come on man, it's not like it was a huge Cheerio or piece of Cap N' Crunch.

16
German parents told to destroy Cayla dolls over hacking fears
getty

Great, I just thought dolls were scary in general, now they can friggin' hack me?

17
Kidnappers let go of abducted man after being stuck in Gurgaon traffic jam

"Y'know, this is just taking longer than expected. You're free to go man, sorry to waste your time."

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