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15 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week

The truth isn't always stranger than fiction, but in these cases, it totally is.

1. Footballer accidentally thanks his wife and girlfriend in incredible man of the match speech

Good thing he's a professional athlete and can afford to make up for that blunder.

2. Indian engineer named Saddam Hussain cannot get a job
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That's not excuse, we had a US President with the same middle name. Also, his parents could've named him anything else but Saddam.

3. Africa Trade Meeting Has No Africans After US Visa Denials
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Come on that's ridiculous, good thing we don't have a bunch of men voting on women's reproductive rights in the United States.

4. Female traffic light signals a step-forward for equality
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We won't close the wage gap, but here's a light bulb.

5. 'Balloonatic' gets $26.5K fine for 'unconscionably stupid' lawn chair flight over Calgary
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Take it in folks, this is what a hero looks like.

6. Man ‘stabbed a Catholic priest in the neck’ during Sunday service after yelling ‘You are Indian… you can’t say mass!’
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But religion's all about peace...how did this happen?

7. American Legion's Testicle Festival urges you to 'come have a ball'
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A+ for that tagline.

8. Archbishop in Sicily bans mafia from being godfathers
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Dude that movie came out like three decades ago the damage has already been done.

9. Manny Ramirez gets unlimited sushi as part of Japanese baseball contract
Manny Ramirez....always giving 110%

It better not be that 7-11 gas station sushi, either.

10. The Satanic Temple puts up anti-paddling billboard in Springtown
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When devil worshippers are against hitting your kids...you should probably take a minute before you beat your child.

11. Man impersonating cop pulls over corrections officer
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HA HA HA HA!

12. 'Narcissistic' bird wins internet fans in Australia
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Awe, he's just like people!

13. How a Vancouver pub 'annoyed an entire country' with a poorly poured pint of Guinness
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The crappy pour seen round the world.

14. Vasectomies peak during March Madness
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I mean if you're that into college basketball you probably shouldn't be procreating anyway.

15. An entire Southern Oregon town could be yours for $3.85 million

Yeah but it's...Oregon.

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