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15 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week

The truth isn't always stranger than fiction, but in these cases, it totally is.

1.  Without Obama, once-booming gun industry poised to shrink

View post on imgur.com

But... but liberals hate guns!

2.  President Donald J. Trump Proclaims April 2017 as National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month 

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"I am especially qualified to talk about this..."

3.  Student has grade docked for using 'mankind' in English paper 

Have a Nice Day #mankind #haveaniceday #wwe

A post shared by Tank lives strong (@armoredranger) on

He's a WWE icon, he deserves better.

4.  Donald Trump 'feels great' about criticism of spending millions on Mar-a-Lago trips, says Sean Spicer 

Sneak peek at next week's cover of @newyorkermag #datass #trumpgolf #brokenwindows

A post shared by Republican Family Values (@rf_values) on

I mean, it's not like Vets need to eat or anything.

5.  Tyrannosaurus Rex was a sensitive lover, new dinosaur discovery suggests 

#siblinglove #trexlife #TRex #lacrossewisconsin #goodtobehomeagain

A post shared by Sheryl Burns (@gosmr7) on

I knew I shouldn't have checked those deleted Jurassic World scenes.

6.  Messi denies insulting assistant: "I said it to the air" 

#barca#barcelona#fcbarcelona#messi#argentina#laliga#bbva#wallpaper#wallpapers#instafootball

A post shared by aslan.mustafaev (@insta_football_7_7_7) on

"It's in the Geneva Convention!"

7.  New Zealand man challenges environment minister to a fist fight over water pollution policy 

"FIGHT ME BRO!"

8.  'We don't make mistakes' Trump says, right before making mistake 

Moment of truth! 😊 #trump #stupidtrump #funny #barrontrump #comedy

A post shared by Farook K K (@farookkk001) on

Yeah but like, he didn't mean that when he said it.

9.  Woman jailed after playing Ed Sheeran song on repeat 

#edsheeran #idol #guitar #singer #talent #argentina #divide #tour

A post shared by Idiot (@dl_wsrm) on

I see nothing wrong with this.

10.  EMTs, firefighters need guns, Texas lawmakers say 

Jgn ckp kerje bomba senang cer pakai sekali kite lumbe lari nk 😏 #firefighter

A post shared by PeaCe An War (@keyrulanwar) on

Fight fire with fire!

But that's not how...

I SAID WE'RE FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE!

11.  Donald Trump printed out made-up £300bn Nato invoice and handed it to Angela Merkel 

Brilliant! #trumpmerkel #smallhands

A post shared by lykkefriis01 (@lykkefriis01) on

Classic Art of the Deal move.

12.  Mother who is allergic to cod complains to supermarket after fish pie made her ill 

こんばんは☂️ #お昼ごはん にお魚🐟のパイを作りました じゃがいも🥔アボカド🥑クリームチーズ🧀 サーモン🐟のバジルパイ #サーモンパイ なのに なぜかヒラメっぽく😳 いや?カレイか?❓ ヘビーなパイが出来ました〜🐽 娘はまずはしっぽから食べました。 しっぽは中入ってないよ〜(⌒-⌒; ) サーモンはお刺身用だから 骨なしで食べやすく💕 もちろん、冷凍パイシートで #簡単レシピ です。 ・ ・ ・ #バジル味 #フィッシュパイ #salmonpie #ヒラメ #fishpie #lunch #pie #パイ #お魚 #おとと #おうちカフェ #salmon #じゃがいも #アボカド #サクサク #おさかな #鮭 #デリスタグラマー #冷凍パイシート #子供が喜ぶ#クッキングラム

A post shared by Pan_daisuki (@kurumipan_tokunisuki) on

"I think I've found your problem, lady."

13.  Cancer is partly caused by bad luck, study finds 

#boots #crackedsidewalk #ruggedterrain #manonanisland

A post shared by Eric Robert Craddock (@doctorcrackerbride) on

"Damn man," the doctor said as he looked down at his clipboard, "this suuuuuucks."

14.  Gwyneth Paltrow cookbooks could increase risk of food poisoning, professor warns 

I don't know about her cookbooks but Shakespeare in Love definitely sucked.

15.  If you publish Georgia’s state laws, you’ll get sued for copyright and lose 

That's now how laws...work.

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