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17 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week

The truth isn't always stranger than fiction, but in these cases, it totally is.

1. Isis fighters killed by wild boar as they hid waiting in ambush

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You can't make this stuff up.

2.  Man arrested for trying to run into burning building to save his beer

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"Bill, remember when I said you're kind of an alcoholic...well...I think you own me an apology..."

3. This Engineer Proved His State's Traffic Lights Suck And Was Fined $500 For 'Illegal Math' 

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If I was a kid in school, I'd totally use "illegal math" as an excuse for why I never did my homework.

4. Hamilton retiree uses electric fence to jump-start heart 

When life gives you electric fences, you make electric fence DIY defibrillator lemonade.

5. EPA removes climate change information from website 

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I'm so happy President Trump is tackling issues that really matter in such effective and meaningful ways.

Guess the clergy discount expired.

6. Chinese woman fined by employers for having second child without their permission 

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If you think that sounds bad, you should see how much they dock when you have an emotional breakdown in the event of a miscarriage.

7. After 5 Days, Man in Gorilla Suit Almost Done Crawling the London Marathon 

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The things we do for money and viral fame.

8. Pope to Catholics: get out, spread faith, help cholesterol 

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Ahh yes, the forgotten "help cholesterol" commandment.

9. Chinese driver eludes traffic cops by drawing own parking places 

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This cat just changed the game.

10. Distributing heroin part of Missouri man’s religious beliefs, he claims in appeal 

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Oh, well, in that case...

11. Cops: Lakeview Man Put Poop Under Noisy Neighbor's Door 'Cuz Urine Didn't Quiet Them Down—"I Had To Step It Up" 

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"And if poop didn't work I was gonna step it up to bile!"

12. Tutu Protests And Parties Break Out In Wyoming Over Senator's Remark 

Imagine this becomes Wyoming tradition? Like how New Yorkers intentionally drive like garbage and Floridians vote for morons?

13. Gym Offers Group 'Napercise' Class For Parents Who Need A Break From Their Kids 

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Nap. Er. Cise.

14. Judge sceptical over court absence excuse note with bad spelling from man on deception charges 

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"Pleaz excooz him frum crymes."

15. People Are Trolling Trump's New ICE Hotline With Reports Of Aliens And UFOs 

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"Man Dale, there sure are lotsa green Mexicans with big heads over here stealing our jobs according to these calls..."

16. Whooping should be banned beause it excludes deaf people, Nation Union of Students say 

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No. Stop. STOP. It's dumb crap like this that made people vote for a moron like Trump.

17. 'If I want to buy 15,000 cotton balls a day, it’s my thing': Johnny Depp hits out at former managers over money woes 

Johnny Depp surprising guests on the Pirates Of The Caribbean ride at Disneyland whilst dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow

He was getting $30,000 of wine imported from France every month.