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21 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week

The truth isn't always stranger than fiction, but in these cases, it totally is.

01
Panasonic wants employees to relax, limits work days to 11 hours.

"But not bathroom breaks. That's just crazy."

02
Swedish politician proposes paid sex breaks for workers to boost fitness and childbirth

🇸🇪🗾 #days #in #sweden

A post shared by Yulia Koniaieva (@konia4kaa) on

03
US government memo on the danger of leaking to media has been leaked

Because God forbid you criticize a President's administration.

04
Barcelona to feed pigeons contraceptives in bid to slash numbers

A valid argument against public healthcare.

05
French voters call on Barack Obama to run in country's presidential election

Shout out to Obama living his best life on vacation in the Virgin Islands 🏄

A post shared by TRANSFORMATIONAL TRAVEL BRAND (@resettravel) on

The man's on vacation, leave him alone.

06
White House blocks CNN, BBC, New York Times, LA Times from media briefing

Yup. We're in for it. #fascism #nojoke #resist #beforeitstoolate

A post shared by Arlene Shechet (@arleneshechet) on

If you want to see the definition of a snowflake, it's of a guy who's afraid of a few journalists.

07
Melania Trump would have been priority for deportation under new immigration rules

Wait, Melania's Muslim?

08
Depeche Mode tells “lifelong fan” Richard Spencer to f**k off

Seeing Nazis get punched makes me happy. #nazipunch #americafuckyeah

A post shared by Sherard Jackson (@sherardyouare) on

They don't care if your haircut matches the band's aesthetic.

09
Plan a Protest, Lose Your House: Arizona Senate Passes SB 1142 Charging 'Provocateurs' With Racketeering

Sure, you can protest, just hope you don't own anything of value.

10
DNA test shows Subway sandwiches could contain just 50% chicken

Reuben #squadgoals.

A post shared by Official Subway (@subway) on

How else could they afford to sell a foot long for $5?

11
US border agents ask Muhammad Ali's son: 'Are you a Muslim?'

Muhammad Ali Jr., 44, and his mother, Khalilah Camacho-Ali, the first wife of Muhammad Ali, were arriving at Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport on Feb. 7 after returning from speaking at a Black History Month event in Montego Bay, Jamaica. They were pulled aside while going through customs because of their Arabic-sounding names, according to family friend and lawyer Chris Mancini. Immigration officials let Camacho-Ali go after she showed them a photo of herself with her ex-husband, but her son did not have such a photo and wasn't as lucky. Mancini said officials held and questioned Ali Jr. for nearly two hours, repeatedly asking him, "Where did you get your name from?" and "Are you Muslim?" When Ali Jr. responded that yes, he is a Muslim, the officers kept questioning him about his religion and where he was born. Ali Jr. was born in Philadelphia in 1972 and holds a U.S. passport. Reached for comment via email Friday, a spokesman for U.S. Customs and Border Protection wrote, "Due to the restrictions of the Privacy Act, U.S. Customs and Border Protection cannot discuss individual travelers; however, all international travelers arriving in the U.S. are subject to CBP inspection." The line of questioning is indicative of profiling and designed to produce answers that corroborate what officials want to hear, Mancini said. Neither Camacho-Ali nor Ali Jr. have ever been subjected to detainment before, despite extensive global travel experience, he said. . . . #racialprofiling #muslimban #muhammadali #muhammadalijr #beinformed #betherevolution #notrumpnokkknofascistusa #blackhistory #blackhistorymonth #blacklivesmatter #withlibertyandjusticeforall #theresistance #standwithstandingrock #bringbernieback #justicedemocrats #resist #strike #walkout #occupyeverything #immigrants #immigrantrightsarehumanrights #nojusticenopeace #NoBanNoWall #wethepeople #donaldtrump #humanity #humanrights #muslimrightsarehumanrights #lovearmy #nativelivesmatter

A post shared by JusticeDemocrats (@justicedemocrats_newjersey) on

Yeah, but it's not a Muslim ban guys. 

12
Blind man tasered after his walking stick was mistaken for a gun by armed police officers

Yeah, because walking sticks totally look like guns.

13
Conservationists call for 'red squirrel army'

That would be...NUTS.

14
Indonesian killer accused of murdering Kim Jong Nam was paid just $90 for the assassination

"How much are these sneakers?"

'$90, ma'am.'

"Crap! Oh well....wait...actually...I'll be right back..."

15
Prince Charles backs plan to use Nutella as bait to sterilise grey squirrels

#luearthday16 #nutellasquirrel

A post shared by Travis Weghofer (@the_mighty_tweg) on

Nutella could be used to bait anything.

16
Falcons player says Lady Gaga halftime show contributed to Super Bowl meltdown

When in doubt, blame Gaga.

17
YouTube cuts popular live stream of giraffe about to give birth for ‘nudity and sexual content’

Giraffes: the most voyeuristic of all long-necked mammals.

18
'I have to help them': Tennessee woman won't stop massaging horses despite risk of jail time

Oh that's the spot!! More please. #dressage #dressageriding #horsemassage

A post shared by Nicola Smith (@dressageridertraining) on

"They just have so many knots!"

19
The LEGO Batman Movie under fire for being 'pro-gay propaganda'

Everyone loves LEGO Batman's first feature film! Best movie of all-time, ever. #LEGOBatmanMovie

A post shared by LEGO Batman Movie (@legobatmanmovie) on

Yes, the secret evil Gay coalition decided to teach kids to be tolerant by infiltrating Hollywood. Makes sense.

20
A Top Conservative Said the Alt-Right Are Actually 'Left-Wing Fascists'

It's all right, I know plenty of morons who confuse their left and right all the time.

21
Philly man lied about kidnapped child to make police 'work harder' to find his stolen car

What do you think, #stolencar ??

A post shared by Frank Hahnel (@leica_frank) on

I'm pretty sure the cops responded reasonably when they discovered that.

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