It seems like every time I log into Instagram I see a bunch of inspirational quotes from yoga people that promote healthy thinking and being in zen states of mind by not allowing anyone to get you angry.
Like, "don't sweat the small stuff" or some other platitude that makes you think you can easily cut out the shallow things that really, really get to you.
Well I'm sorry but it's not that easy. I can't do a downward-facing crane spiral pose and just pretend like a guy blasting garbage music on his speakerphone while everyone's minding their own business on the train, not to mention taking up two seats with his backpack, is not going to bother me. It is going to bother me and I'm happy that it bothers me because I don't ever want to be as ill-mannered as that piece of human garbage who I hope misplaces his ticket when the conductor comes by and is forced to step off the train and get stranded for hours before he finally makes it back to whatever snakepit he calls home.
Sorry, I might have gone a bit overboard for a second there, but I know there are more than a few people out there who get bothered by everyday annoyances, like these peeps in this AskReddit thread.
1. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
Putting on fresh socks in the morning and then stepping in water on the kitchen/bathroom floor right before you leave for work.
2. GREAT! Now I have to get out of my car...
Leaving your grocery cart in a parking spot. Come on, that's what separates us from the apes.
3. Zig-zaggers are infuriating.
For me its people zig-zag walking on the pavement. Pick a side and stick to it.
4. It's called a passing lane for a reason. If you aren't passing in it, then get the heck out.
Someone driving slow in the passing lane.
5. Headphones popping out your ears outta nowhere is mad infuriating.
I'm surprised no one has said getting your headphones ripped out.
6. The worst is when they're eating apples.
People chewing with their mouths open.
7. I can't help but mock them with a humpty-dumpty walk.
People walking very slow in front of me staring down into their phones. Also people talking very loud into their phones in a public place
8. I'm not angry now, but I'm gonna get angry real soon.
Someone asking my why I'm angry, when I'm in a perfectly good mood. Then pressing it after the first "I'm not angry".
9. Seriously I want to know who leaves trash in their shopping carts.
Leaving your shopping cart randomly in the parking lot instead of in the cart corral or back inside the store.
What the f--k is wrong with you? Do you leave random plates or spoons on your kitchen counters after you're done using them too?
10. So. Many. Triggers.
Here's a list of my triggers:
People who talk on speaker-phone in public.
People who play their music or videos through their phone speakers in public, especially places like on a train or bus.
When you are about to click on a link and the web page shifts slightly and you end up clicking the wrong link.
People who don't fully read emails you send and ask a question that is answered in your previous email.
When people say "be there in ten minutes" and an hour goes by and they aren't there still.
11. You shouldn't be given a license unless you've mastered the art of the creep roll.
Someone either slowing down or coming to a complete stop on an on-ramp.
12. There's a reason I'm not turning, you moron.
When I'm trying to turn right at a red light, but there's still traffic coming, and the car behind me (who doesn't have a clear view of the traffic) honks for me to go.
I'm a level-headed dude most of the time, but that always pisses me off.
13. Have you taken two seconds to look at me and what I'm doing?
Somebody asking you to do something while you are quite obviously doing the thing
14. Drivers just need to do better in general.
People driving who insist on coming to a near complete stop before mustering up the courage to make a right turn.
15. You trying to kill me?
Switching lanes on a highway without using their blinkers
16. Sure, thanks for the tip. Now can you finish pouring my coffee?
People who judge others’ actions based on hindsight as if they knew any better.
17. Hey there, you garbage song...
The song "Hey There Delilah" sends me into a Wolverine-style berzerk rage.
18. We're eating at PB&J's next time. I'm making sandwiches and we're sitting on the couch.
When I ask my wife where she wants to eat and she replies "I don't care," then complains about my choice.
19. I'm aware of my deadlines, co-worker/housemate.
Asking/nagging me why I have not completed a task well before the assigned (and agreed upon) time.
This goes for work or home.
You asked me to make sure the dishes were in the dishwasher and the doors were locked before I went to bed. I am CLEARLY both still awake and working on something.
This proposal is due on Friday by EOD. It is Tuesday after lunch, man. Did you need it earlier? No? Then why are you wasting my time, Greg?!
20. Dispose of that cancer stick properly, please.
Someone flicking their cigarette butt on the ground, extra rage points if they are within 5 feet of a trash can.
21. The terrible things about container ownership that Tupperware doesn't warn you about.
Trying to put Tupperware away without it crashing out of the cupboard.
22. Great, now I have to run to catch it.
When people half a football field away hold the door for you.
23. Almost as bad as wet socks.
When your sleeves get wet when you wash your hands.
24. Gee, thanks. No, it's not like I value my time or anything.
My wife volunteering me to help someone else without telling me until it needs to be done.
25. Total disregard for printer protocol.
Tell you what really drives me insane... When i'm in the middle of a large print job at work and someone reaches in the middle of it in hopes of searching for their stuff and screwing up all of my stuff.
26. We know you have horrible taste in music, you don't need to advertise it.
People who blast music.
27. Keep your hands to yourself.
People randomly touching my head. I am a fairly large fellow (well over 6 ft and 200 lbs) and I shave my head. Every once in a while, random people will come up without warning and touch my head because they are curious or some stupid reason. Fills me with rage every time, why the hell would you think that is an ok thing to do?
What specifically fills you with rage that wasn't mentioned here?
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No, Mr. Rogers wasn't a sniper in the military. Come on, people.