Expectations for wedding party members are getting out of hand these days. Not only do you usually have to purchase a certain dress and potentially certain shoes, but you also have to carve out time and money for the bachelorette party. Attending weddings, especially when you are part of the bridal party, can be prohibitively expensive.
And some brides (or should I say bridezillas?) are not making it any easier for these people they think of as their friends. One story recently posted to the Relationships subreddit illustrates this fact to a T. One woman describes the hoops she has had to jump through to attend the bachelorette party of one of her close friends, and my oh my, it's going to make you angry. I can guarantee it.
This woman begins her story by telling us that one of her best friends of over 12 years is getting married in October. "There was just one weekend thrown out to have both a bridal shower and bachelorette party, in a city 600 miles away from me," she wrote. This weekend is the exact weekend that her grad school finals and group projects are due, and it's her first week of work as a behavior therapist in a school.
It's reasonable that she'd have to decline the invitation, and she did! She sent an email explaining the whole situation, offering other weekends she could come up to celebrate, and apologizing profusely (even though she didn't need to do that last part). That should have been the end of it. Oh shucks, she can't make it. They'll celebrate together some other time. Right? NOPE!
She got an email back "about how everyone's 'busy,' but she thought I would be the one to understand since I just got married (about a year ago) and how she went to all my festivities." Even though it's completely ridiculous, she agreed to make it work and even arranged to take her finals and finish all her projects early so she could make it to her friend's party.
As if that's not insane enough, the party is now four days away and she hasn't been given a schedule, has no idea where they are staying, how much anything will cost, etc. The maid of honor has been unresponsive to emails and wouldn't even tell her what airport to fly into, so she's driving eight hours to get there. Now, since she'll have a car, the bride wants her to drive people from the bachelorette party location to the bridal shower location, which would add another two hours to her trip.
She has rearranged her entire life for this party that she has no details about, and now, she's getting angry. This is extremely understandable! If I was her, I probably wouldn't have even agreed to go at all, let alone even when there's no set plan. Believe me, I have been part of conversations about bachelorette parties and I know how crazy they can get. If the maid of honor or whoever is planning it is not a good communicator, it's unbearably frustrating.
This woman turned to Reddit for advice because while she originally didn't want to cause any drama, it's getting to the point where she is extremely upset and bitter about the whole thing. She wants this bride to realize how much she is sacrificing to be there and how poorly planned it is. And I don't blame her one bit! She's probably already exhausted and overwhelmed with grad school. She didn't need any of this.
Several commenters told her she shouldn't go to the party at all and shouldn't give up her schooling for a friend who clearly doesn't care about her. "Is your career and school really not as important as this selfish flaky friend?" one person wrote. "She's shown zero regard for you and your situation... Please reconsider and not go. Your classes and your work are more important in the long run than a very bad friend."
Several commenters gave her some great, albeit harsh wording for the message she should send to her "friend." "I'd tell her flat out, 'I was willing to work around my schedule and come see you. I put my possible career and future at risk for this, but I've been given no information and I feel like you're expecting me to drive eight hours to see you without putting any effort in to communicate with me.'"
I can only speak for myself, but I had a bachelorette party, and I felt bad asking my friends to pay for any of it. I didn't invite anyone who'd have to fly specifically for the event, and if they couldn't come, they couldn't come! No big deal! Bachelorette party expectations are getting way out of hand these days.
The problem is, her friendship with this woman might actually be ruined if she backs out. But if that's the case, if this woman can't understand how ridiculous her demands have been, she is not the kind of person this woman should be friends with in the first place. It can be hard to learn how to say "No," especially to people you have known for a long time. But people who treat you like this don't deserve to have you in their lives. Period!