Some people are very, very socially awkward, to the point where the smallest confrontations make them break into a cold sweat. People deal with confrontation in different ways. Some ignore it completely and just try to extricate themselves from a situation as soon as possible. Others become overly aggressive and lash out in ways that are disproportionate to the situation.
Then you have people so passive aggressive, it's almost beautiful to watch them in action.
1. This guy's live-tweet of two customers at war is a perfect example.
This "Dirty Plates Woman" — or "DPW" as she will be called later — incited all of the drama when she made this bold and possibly intentional move.
Stuart confirmed that, yes, there were plenty of other empty tables where she could've moved the dirty plates. But she chose the one occupied by another woman.
1. "Clean Woman" wasn't having any of it, however.
In my opinion, she acted totally rationally and made sure to let DPW know that she wasn't having any of her ridiculous plate-moving behavior.
For some reason, DPW thought she was well within her rights to move the plates to CPW's table. That's when the argument began.
1. Cafe staff did their best to stay out of it.
Who can blame them? These are adults here who can fend for themselves and solve their own issues, right?
Then, a wonderful plate-swapping ballet commenced, with both women refusing to acknowledge each other's existence for a spell. Instead, they just moved the dishes from table to table in silence.
A mug became the first casualy in the fight, and DPW pretended like she didn't see anything, seeking shelter behind her book. No one bothers someone who's reading, right?
Stuart and the staff in the establishment can't remain silent on the matter any longer; they need to get involved.
DPW's game of silence seems to be working. All parties involved are befuddled by her decision to simply disengage from the situation. It's like the grown-up equivalent of a toddler dropping to the ground and becoming dead weight.
1. But a line in the sand was drawn.
Stuart had to take sides and gave his support to CPW. This didn't go unnoticed by DPW, who stared him down as well.
1. Then the book group walked in.
All of the fuss seems to have boiled over, except, as fate would have it....
1. Both women are in the same book club.
If you thought things were dramatic before, just wait for all of this delicious pettiness to unfold now that it turns out they're going to be at the same table for their meeting.
DPW again plays it noncommittal. She doesn't know anyone here. As far as she's concerned, CPW made the entire plate thing up. Imagine how many people DPW has gaslit in her life, my God.
1. But CPW wasn't interested in keeping quiet.
She blew up DPW's spot but, again, the dirty plates bandit stayed quiet, further adding to the confusion of everyone involved.
Things only got worse from there. DPW started laying the charm on other people in the group, acting like she's totally not the kind of person who just puts their dirty plates on someone else's table.
Things appeared to calm down after a while, and there was a moment where life almost imitated art.
And then it totally did imitate art, and the drama started to pick up again. CPW apparently just had to make a move.
So she did: she bought some cake and tea and put the dirty cup and plate on top of DPW's book. Vengeance was hers.
From this moment forward, it was on.
1. And DPW didn't pull any punches.
DPW engaged the classic accidental-but-really-on-purpose water spill, ruining CPW's book, before sitting back down to watch the madness unfold.
The team innocently joined together to clean the mess up. DPW didn't lift a finger.
1. CPW subtly throws this jab in.
Way for her to slide that insult into the context of the book club. Pro-level move right there.
But it wasn't enough for her, she needed a way to actually get back at DPW, especially because she started it.
Honestly, this guy should get a job in marketing because that's a brilliant idea.
1. CPW sees her shot and takes it.
But it's to no avail.
Patrick is completely clueless about the comment CPW made and DPW laughs it off like her rival is just a bit touched.
Stuart wanted to extend the drama a little bit more. Frankly, this low-stakes kind of anguish is too good not to savor it.
Obviously this isn't the real "ending" whatsoever.
1. The actual way it ends seems a bit anti-climactic.
DPW completely ignores CPW, which bothers the woman with the clean table to no end, apparently.
Stuart, thinking the whole thing is finally over, breathes a sigh of finality.
1. BUT WAIT!
1. DPW pulled this absolutely brutal finishing move.
There's no better way to assert your dominance over someone than by paying their bill. Hot damn, that was some tasty book club cafe drama.