This "Am I the A-hole?" post is a real doozy, folks. A woman explains that she is 30 years old and 30 weeks pregnant with her first child with her husband, a daughter. "She will be my first child," she writes, "but it turns out she won't be his first child. He's been carrying on an affair that started several years ago during my residency in internal medicine and cardiology."
Horrible. He claims he was "driven" to the affair by her long hours and by her not being "emotionally available." She found out about her husband's affair because the woman came to their home with his kid, "demanding I release him from our financially abusive and loveless marriage."
When the woman showed up, she called her husband and told him he needed to come home. "When he did and he saw her I knew based upon his reaction he had been cheating," she writes. Obviously, she was extremely angry. She kicked him out of the house, but he's been asking for another shot.
Because the affair has been going on for years and he had copious amounts of time to tell the truth, she does not want to reconcile with him, and I don't blame her. Now he's moved on to calling nonstop to ask if he can be with her when she goes into labor. But she doesn't want him anywhere near the delivery room when she gives birth.
"I want people in there that I trust and he isn't it," she writes. "He's been guilt-tripping me though saying he has a right to see his child be born. That his f--k-up is separate from our daughter, and it is, but I don't want the added stress of him being present." His family thinks she's being unreasonable for barring him from the delivery room.
Most of her family is on her side, but some of them still think her cheating, lying husband should get to be there when she gives birth. In an edit to her original post she clarifies, "I will NOT under any circumstances keep him from having a relationship with his daughter. I am completely agreeable to shared custody, and to him seeing her after she has been born."
She just can't fathom having him there in the delivery room when she gives birth. I think she's well within her right to tell him to buzz off, and the vast majority of commenters do as well. "NTA. Hard pass," the top commenter wrote. "It's not even sanitary to have that much bulls--t in a birthing room."
I happen to think that, no matter the situation, any person who is giving birth should have ultimate, final say over who is and isn't in the delivery room. That is some seriously bonkers stuff your body is going to be doing. You should decide who will be there to see it and who won't, period.
But when you have a cheating, lying soon-to-be ex-husband who has ruined your relationship and left you pregnant and alone, you should definitely be able to decide if he gets to be there or not when you give birth. He's a horrible person, and he doesn't deserve to be there!
"Uh, yeah," one commenter wrote. "This guy can rot. Manipulation is his weapon every time he faces owning up to his actions. He pretends to be the victim. First it's, 'I cheated because you neglected me,' and now it's, 'You're denying me the right to see my kid born.' ... OP, you no longer need to tell him anything about this baby. He can meet her when you're ready for him to."
"This isn't a revenge issue, this is a security and safety issue," another person wrote. "You, at your most vulnerable, do not need to be near someone you just found out obliterated your trust. You deserve peace during such a critical health and emotional moment."
These are all good points. People who are giving birth should have total and complete control over who is there in the delivery room, no matter the situation. But especially in this case, she needs to consider her feelings above those of her terrible cheating ex-husband! It really is that simple.