I cannot abide cheating. Cheaters make me so mad. Do you know how easy it is to not cheat?! I have no sympathy for those who cheat. There is literally no excuse. Still, cheaters come up with some of the most creative, absurd reasons for why they were unfaithful to their partners. And now people (mostly women) are sharing the most insane excuses they've heard in an epic Twitter thread. These are by far the funniest, most unbelievable excuses people have ever heard from cheaters about why they did it.
Tess was the first one to kick it off, and I have to say, this is a really good (read: bad!) one. In what world is your partner's driving phobia an excuse to cheat?! The two things don't relate at all. It just doesn't compute.
I cannot even. Jimmy John's is good, but it's not that good. Jimmy John's response is perfect. This is so insane. Was this kid 12 when he made this excuse?
Oh, no biggie! He just forgot that he was in a relationship with you. This is almost worse than if he actively went behind your back and tried to hide it. At least in that case, he knows he's with someone.
The logic here... There is none. I simply cannot see it. He's saying he cheated because his girlfriend didn't mistrust him enough to secretly go through his phone. He needs that mistrust in order to stay in line. Wow, this dude has issues.
It's hard to laugh when someone's cheating because it's heartbreaking for the other person, but "I don't know how these hackers work, Marissa!" is gold. The exasperation! The aggressive shedding of responsibility! It's art.
Same name and birthday
Did he... Did he think he was with his girlfriend because they were so similar? This is bonkers. There were a surprising number of responses in the thread that were some form of "He said we were so similar that it was almost like not cheating." Except it 100 percent was.
Too easy to love
This is some BS. What does this even mean?! She was too good a person. Too perfect for him. Hanging out with her was too easy. Sounds like this boy loves his drama.
Guys, if you're going to fake a health issue to cheat on your partner, maybe don't make it something so easy to discover the truth about. What if she tried to visit him in the hospital?!
Too small head
I had to read this one three times, have a laughing fit, and then compose myself before I could write this sentence. WHAT?! Does he know that you don't take pictures with people's heads right in front of each other? The absurdity is almost admirable with this one.
Needed the trauma
Oh no no no! This is not OK! I cannot stand self-serious dudes who are horrible people and then claim that their terrible behavior is all about the "art." There are plenty of successful artists who aren't also giant douchebags.
God said so
You can't argue with someone who really believes they are carrying out the will of God. There is simply no way to knock sense into someone like this. You just have to leave them with their delusion and slowly back away.
The audacity! Oh, so I suppose if their partner were to cheat on them on their birthday, they'd be totally OK with it, right? I doubt it! Because this is a non-excuse!
LOL. "Why did you have to go to the movies with her if you just needed to tell her you had a girlfriend?" "OH, because she wanted to make out in the dark. WAIT—"
Men are bold, people. This is so obviously complete rubbish, and yet that's what he went with anyway. Either he thought his ex was dumb enough to believe it, or he didn't even care enough about her to take actual responsibility for his actions. I'm betting on the second one.
My head... It's spinning! Someone stop it! The circular logic is making me dizzy. It makes no sense! What a childish thing to do. "Well you said I was bad so I'm going to be bad!" Who does that?!
Buffalo chicken dip tweet
OK, so this isn't exactly an excuse, but it's priceless. Can you imagine finding out your boyfriend is cheating on you via this tweet? "But... JULIUS makes the craziest buffalo chicken dip..."
Good work relationships
I think this guy has a very skewed view of what "good work relationships" should look like. He managed to cheat on his girlfriend and become a major office perv in one fell swoop. Impressive, honestly.
Look, this is horrible, but it's also one of the most honest responses on the thread. The dude was just like, "Hey, you're not convenient enough proximity-wise for it to be worth it." Sure, there are better ways he could have phrased it. But she dodged a bullet.
What. She was really like, "Why did you sleep with Kristen?" and he was like, "Well, you didn't want to go bowling. Kristen loves bowling." Amazing. Men are monsters!
If I was cheated on every time I didn't have perfectly smooth legs, I'd have to go through a breakup every winter. Who shaves their legs every day? No one, that's who!
Again, if I was cheated on every time I went to bed before 10 p.m., I would be cheated on every other night. Maybe three nights a week I can keep my eyes open past 10 to watch some Netflix.
The devil had a hold
Sometimes, it's God who's telling them to cheat. Sometimes, it's the devil. Either way, it's definitely, completely, 100 percent not their fault. They have no control once the devil takes hold.
Amazing. This fragile wisp of a man was upset that the woman he was with started wearing combat boots, so he cheated on her. These dudes are next level pathetic.
This is incredible because even if that guy had never vacuumed, who vacuums and ends up with welts on their neck? This is the laziest excuse I have ever heard in my life.
Incest doesn't count
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. No. Nope. No way. There is so much wrong here. I'm just... I'm speechless.