Woman Replaces Costco Item Cards With "Magic Item Descriptions" to Troll Coronavirus Worriers
It's official: the Coronavirus is the hottest new disease that's got everybody morbidly fantasizing about the demise of the human species. The media cycle has glorified the deadly effects of the virus that first started infecting people in China, and there's been a lot of speculation as to what could've caused it. Was it bat soup? Pangolins? Dirty fish at a market? Experts still haven't figured it out, but one thing's for certain: there are a ton of memes poking fun at the panic it's causing.
The truth about the Coronavirus is that it's only deadly for people with already underlying health issues, specifically respiratory illness. It packs symptoms similar to the regular flu, but there are still a lot of governing bodies who want to try and mitigate its spread. The Arnold Classic, for example, one of the biggest bodybuilding and large scale fitness and sports expos in the world, will not allow spectators to participate in the 2020 festivities.
Not only that, but the trade show for the spectacle was cancelled as well, leaving a lot of vendors very angry. Different school administrations are putting parents on high alert, and now, more than ever, people are being urged to wash their hands and practice good hygiene. Because we guess it takes the threat of a worldwide pandemic to get our filthy species to do so.
It all seems like over-reactionary hypochondria on a mass scale, but that doesn't mean we can't have fun.
Like this woman is.
Danielle Baskin (Twitter handle @djbaskin) thought it'd be a knee-slappingly hilarious idea to troll those who are going nuts over the Coronavirus by swapping out the item descriptions for products like bottled water and bathroom tissue with more "magical" item descriptions.
If you were looking for more mundane items like hand sanitizer, Clorox wipes, bottled water, and ramen so you can stockpile for whatever doomsday scenario you've conjured up in your head, then you're going to be met with enchanted battleaxes, magical orbs, dowsing rods, summoning orbs, and healing crystals.
If you're a big fan of Dungeons and Dragons or any fantasy thing ever, you're going to be tickled pink by all of the "enhancements" Danielle made to Costco's inventory. We would just love it if a secret Wizard giggled with delight at seeing all of these planted slips, and then was let down to learn that they can't complete an online order for boots of levitation.
While it's hilarious to see that Danielle's truly have a wonderful time with such a geeky inside joke, she's also highlighting some of the more ineffectual methods people are adopting in the hopes of "beating" Coronavirus.
Like those individuals you see walking around the airport or the subway rocking paper hospital masks, thinking it's going to protect them from contracting the Coronavirus. That's not how it works, unfortunately, as the masks only stop those who currently have the Coronavirus from spreading it to anyone else.
Danielle isn't the only one having a laugh at the panicked Peters who are having palpitations at the thought of contracting the new illness in town. There are tons of other people creating some choice memes to poke fun at all of the fear-mongering surrounding it. Like these wonderful hand-washing memes.
Maybe you're not a fan of Jesus Christ Superstar, but are a sucker for a good Florida Man reference? If that's the case, then may we submit this absolutely wonderful offer from WFLA news that reported a local Police Department is willing to test your meth to see if it has Coronavirus, for free. How many people do you think they're going to nab with this one?
What's even better is that some other local police stations sent out an APB that meth batches were actually infected with Coronavirus, but our bet is, if you're hooked on meth and know all of the gnarly symptoms it can cause, a little old "flu bug" is the least of your worries.
It's no secret that the virus is being heavily politicized by a few upstanding (and not so upstanding) members of government. If you love your plague-themed jokes to have a political tinge to them, might we interest you in this delightful entry from the @Biden4Pres satire account?
We really hope that this person's urgent reminder for everyone to wash their hands is intentionally hilarious, but I'm being honest. I'm just a sucker for Dolly Parton, which is why it's here.
Plus, you can never go wrong with a Spongebob meme.
Some of the memes are a little more straightforward and to the point, while others incorporate the wonders of old-school Mortal Kombat animation to drive the message home.
And, like Danielle, some are espousing more mythical ways of dealing with the virus. It's better than reviving Krillin yet again, so he can just die from Coronavirus anyway. It's better to wipe it out first.
We'll see how long fears surrounding the virus lasts, until then, stay clean people and be wary of open-mouth-into-the-air coughers, AKA, preschoolers.