Not every post on Reddit's "Am I the A-hole?" is a world-ending post that makes you believe love is dead and humanity is doomed. Some posts, even if they are about a couple arguing, are at their core, quite sweet. This is one of the posts.
A guy who made the Reddit username bodypillowbigfight just for this post explained his situation. His wife gave birth eight months ago. "During her pregnancy," he wrote, "she was having trouble sleeping so I bought her a pregnancy body pillow that was a lot more comfortable for her."
The problem is that, even after giving birth, she prefers to sleep with the body pillow, leaving him cold and lonely on his side of the bed. "Maybe I'm just being dramatic," he wrote, "but it feels like she just doesn't want to sleep with me. I'm often sleeping near the edge of the bed using a separate blanket and I just feel a lot more lonely." Say it with me: "Awwwwwww."
He brought this up with her, and needless to say, she didn't respond super well. She said that he was "being more of a baby than our newborn," and she told him that he should just deal with it. It turned into a "big fight" where they were both yelling at each other.
"I don't think either of us said anything particularly hurtful," he wrote, "but it's not the norm in our relationship to raise our voices like we did and argue for as long as we did." Sounds like, all in all, these two have a pretty solid relationship and there just might be some lingering issues from the total drama that is having a new baby. And that's OK!
For visual reference, he included the below picture of the body pillow, which looks like an upside-down U, so I can see how it might feel isolating when his wife is using it.
As someone who refuses to get a king bed because my partner and I would be too far away from each other while sleeping, I do understand this guy's point of view. He wants to cuddle with his wife! Who can fault him for that? That being said, I also understand the wife's position. They have a little baby. Sleep is more important than it's ever been before, and if using the body pillow is what helps her get to sleep, she shouldn't have to give it up.
The comments were a mixed bag, but most people agreed that, while he's not at fault for wanting to cuddle with his wife, he should probably just let her use the pillow. As one commenter pointed out, "a body pillow doesn't move around, roll, breathe in her face, create intense heat." I don't know anyone who can handle cuddling for the entire night anyway. A good solution might be to ask for a cuddle sesh before they both roll over to sleep.
Another commenter pointed out that "people have different sleep needs." Just because one person can't sleep in the arms of their partner doesn't mean they don't love them. It's just sleep. Some people need sleep masks or white noise machines to get a good night's rest. If she now needs a pregnancy pillow, that is in no way a comment on how she feels about her husband.
That being said, if this is indicative of a deeper issue in their relationship that they aren't addressing, they should get on top of that quickly and start communicating about it. One commenter wrote, "It sounds like this is a bigger issue than just the body pillow and you both need to add a little intimacy into your routine. It's OK to feel lonely... You're not being a baby, but you just miss the woman you married and holding her when you sleep."
It sounds like maybe his wife is so sensitive about the issue because this is the best sleep she's gotten in a while, and he came off sounding like he wanted to take that away from her. But they're both on the same team here. Being in a true partnership means compromising sometimes so both of you can be happy. This seems to be one of those times where a compromise might help.
I really do love this "Am I the A-hole?" post because it really does seem like a solid relationship that's just going through a bumpy patch. It's not one of those situations where I think both parties should run as far away from each other as possible. They're arguing about cuddling, for goodness' sake. Having a young kid changes things in ways you never expected. They will figure this out.
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