If you've been dating lately, I do not envy you. Dating is tough, especially in 2019. There are too many apps that all have different rules. There are too many terrible people out there who have bad opinions about important things, which they sometimes don't reveal until you've already paid for their burger. Luckily, Twitter is there to help you laugh-cry through the pain.
Not your food
I don't think I have ever read a more apt description. All the good, delicious partners you get excited about get snatched up by someone else. It's dating canon.
Dating makes you completely blind to red flags. Oh, he lives in his parents' basement?! No big deal! He's saving money! Oh, she doesn't know how to do her own laundry? A teachable skill! Red flags are red for a reason. Pay attention to them.
Dating is basically the process of slowly leaking out information about yourself in a very controlled manner so as not to scare the other person and make them run in the opposite direction. Maybe wait until date nine or ten to reveal you're a moon conspiracy theorist.
This happened to me once, and this guy is totally right. I went on a date. He was fine, but super boring, and it was clear we were totally incompatible. At the end of the date, we politely hugged each other. And when I tell you I felt a rush as I turned and walked away, certain that was our last interaction, you better believe it.
First date talk
First dates are always awkward, and you always end up having the same conversation. "Where are you from? What do you do?" It's time we start talking about how naked guinea pigs look like tiny hippos on first dates. Who's with me?
Truly, the person who puts "I love going on adventures" in their dating profile gets a gigantic eye roll and a hard swipe left from me. "I love sitting on the couch, eating popcorn, and doing absolutely nothing," however? Match made in heaven.
For the love of love, don't pretend to like Star Wars or anything else on a first date! Because then you'll actually be made to watch it, and honestly, no one has that kind of time. There are like, what, 45 of those things now?
Social media has indelibly affected dating. There's so much you can find out about a person before you ever meet them, what with Twitter and Instagram and Google and comprehensive background checks I've paid a private detective to perform. JK, JK, I don't have that kind of money.
Hold the door open
Chivalry isn't dead, but beating another man with a door you've ripped off its hinges definitely is. In fact, it's as dead as the doornail in that door that you ripped off its hinges.
Consider many things
This is so true. And don't just think about money either. Other things are important, like do they have a dog and does that dog have very soft fur and like to cuddle?
Somehow I don't think that's what her date meant. But honesty is the best policy, and no one should date a man who wears that much cologne anyway, so I think she dodged a bullet.
I love this so much. Another thing you can do is clap at random moments during the piece. Your date will think you know that some technique they just performed was out of sight.
When some people go on a dinner date, the dinner is secondary to the date. Not me! Not this woman! Food is my first love, and anything that gets in between me and my French fries better watch out.
Well, yes, put in the broadest terms, this is true. But there is that one-in-a-million chance that you realize that you still like that person, even after lots of good info and lots of bad info, so you decide to be with them forever!!
This tweet went extremely viral, and I can see why. Men are trash! When things start to feel not brand new anymore, lots of guys run for the hills and drop their partners like old toys.
Part of dating someone is eventually sharing them with your friends and family. This is very important, as these are people whose opinions you hold dear. And who will rip apart the person you're trying to date the most? The women in your group chat. It's a fact. They see everything you don't.
True romance isn't like it is in the movies. It's about sharing the most intimate thoughts, like the ones where you're fantasizing about potato chips. Cape Cod chips are where it's at, but Kettle Cooked are all right too. Baked Lays can get out my house forever.
Until you really know the person you're dating, you can't be too careful. Yes, maybe he was just trying to tell her she has nice eyes and go in for a kiss, but maybe not! Maybe he was a crazy, eyeball-stealing serial killer! You never know!
Not liking you
I think the definition of a crush is someone who you pine over who doesn't like you back. So, by this logic, if you don't like yourself, you could also have a crush on yourself. Start doing for yourself everything that you would do for your crush (like your Instagram posts, buy yourself chocolate) and you will fall in love with yourself in no time.
Truly, men who were slighted once in high school carry that with them forever in a way most women don't. You know why? Because men are conditioned to feel entitled to women's affection, so when they get rejected, they take it extra hard! I know you didn't come here for the toxic masculinity lessons, but that's what you're getting, sorry not sorry!