downhilldateheader

16 Hilarious Ways to Shut Down a Date Immediately

By

Mar. 26 2019, Updated 12:16 p.m. ET

We’ve all been there. You swipe right on Tinder, decide on a place to meet, and realize about five minutes in that leaving your house in the first place was a huge error. Maybe you feel like you’ve been catfished because they look nothing like their photos (surprise!), or perhaps you quickly realize they weren’t being sarcastic in their profile when they said their favorite band was The Beatles. 

Whatever the case may be, there’s no flying spark to indicate this is the person of your dreams. And maybe you’re the mature kind of individual who can finish their drink, bring up the fact that you don’t see a future together, split the bill, and head your own separate ways. Bravo!

But what if you’re not? u/PM_Me_YourTinyBoobs kindly addressed this very question on Reddit when he asked what a person could say to instantly derail a date. The answers ranged from painfully incestuous to downright hilarious. 

Next time you just need to shut it down really quickly and abruptly, these are some perfect lines you can use.

Article continues below advertisement

1. "Are you sure this place isn't within 500 feet of a school or playground?"

deraildateplayground
Source: istock
Article continues below advertisement

2. "You're like a brother to me. A hot, sexy brother."

deraildatebrother
Source: istock
Article continues below advertisement

3. "I really miss my ex, but she got a restraining order so..."

deraildaterestrainingorder
Source: istock
Article continues below advertisement

4. Start talking about how dangerous it is for women to go on dates. Really lay down on examples and details.

deraildatedangerous
Source: istock
Article continues below advertisement

5. "Don’t worry, I’m not one of those guys that takes advantage of drunk girls.”

deraildatebro
Source: istock
Article continues below advertisement

6. "You smell like my mom. I find that very sensual."

deraildatemom
Source: istock

-supaflydaguy

OhhhhFarts also shared an anecdote where he bought his date a perfume. "It's the same perfume my mother wears," he said as he presented it. Needless to say, they're not married with children, or anything like that.

Article continues below advertisement

7. "I couldn't find a babysitter, so it's okay I brought my kid with me, right?"

deraildatekid
Source: istock
Article continues below advertisement

8. "You're prettier when you're awake."

deraildateawake
Source: istock
Article continues below advertisement

9. "I think you're the first girl I've really liked not because of their looks."

deraildatelooks
Source: istock
Article continues below advertisement

10. "It's 200 for the first hour, 150 for every hour thereafter."

deraildatemoney
Source: istock
Article continues below advertisement

11. "I'm into holistic medicine and would never vaccinate my child."

deraildatevaccines
Source: istock

-teeehaatt

If there's something parents feel really strongly about, it's vaccines.

Article continues below advertisement

12. "My side gig is filing a lot of lawsuits. If this date goes wrong, I'll see you in court."

deraildatecourt
Source: istock
Article continues below advertisement

13. Suggest watching 'Silence of the Lambs,' and then find a good time to chuckle and say, "That's obviously not how to make a dress out of human skins."

deraildatecannibal
Source: istock
Article continues below advertisement

14. "The Holocaust wasn’t as bad as what you hear.”

deraildatejewish
Source: istock
Article continues below advertisement

15. "What's your favorite murder weapon? Mine’s the icicle. Stab someone in the heart, they die, then boom. The murder weapon and all evidence just melts. Do you want that last piece of bread or...?"

deraildateicicle
Source: istock

-johnyyhopkins

Editor's Note: Be careful who you say this to, it could just be a turn-on.

Article continues below advertisement

16. "I forgot my wallet."

deraildatewallet
Source: istock
Advertisement

More From Distractify

  • CONNECT with Distractify
  • Link to Facebook
  • Link to Twitter
  • Link to Instagram
  • Link to Email Subscribe
Distractify Logo
Do Not Sell My Personal Information

© Copyright 2021 Distractify. Distractify is a registered trademark. All Rights Reserved. People may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.