Is it ever OK to ghost someone? Maybe after a date or two, most say, but after three years of a relationship? Who would do that? Moreskaya recently posted her story on Reddit. "Today, I'm ghosting my boyfriend of three years," it begins. But don't judge her just yet.
"I almost can't believe I'm doing it," she writes, "but here I am, blocking his number and all his social media profiles, messaging my friends to not respond to any of his calls." What would compel someone to ghost their partner, especially someone with whom they've been in a relationship for three years? We're about to find out.
Moreskaya explains what prompted her to finally make this decision. It seems like sort of a "last straw" type of situation. She explains that six months into their relationship, he violated her sexually without her consent. Six months later, "he laughingly told me that some of his subordinates had found naked pictures of his female predecessor and were passing them around."
When she got upset and told him to report it, he became angry and told her she was "controlling." Eventually, he claimed he did report them for their behavior. But later, she discovered he had lied.
Still, she stayed with him. Later on down the line, she "broke down during sex" and told him she was having flashbacks to a childhood sexual assault. "He flipped out," she writes, "and accused me of 'making him feel like a rapist.'" Yeah, this is a bad dude.
After three years of abusive and manipulative behavior that she constantly brushed off or made excuses for because she thought he would eventually change, she finally realized that he had shown her who he truly is. He asked to come over, and she found herself dreading it, which crystallized the situation for her.
"I couldn't stand the thought of kissing him," she writes. "So I didn't answer his phone calls or texts. I didn't apologize. I didn't explain myself. I didn't exert one bit of effort into making what I'm doing today any easier for him. I gave him three years of my life, convinced that he would mature into a better man. I don't owe him anything."
So, she deleted all her social media and she says her name is quite common, so she isn't easy to search on Google. "In a few months when I move to the other side of the world," she writes, "I'll be untraceable to him. I can't wait. I feel so free."
I understand why she did what she did. The relationship was obviously toxic; he was incredibly abusive and manipulative. I just hope that her actions don't spark a much more violent reaction in him. His past behavior is erratic and unpredictable enough that it's not out of the realm of reason to assume, if he found her, she could end up hurt.
The commenters mostly agree that she was well within her rights to end the relationship, but many stressed that she needs to be careful. "More often than not, abusive partners escalate when left," someone wrote. "Be so proud of yourself for making this change, but be careful."
Another commenter suggested that she tell him over text that she wants to break up and that she never wants to see him again so there's a written record of it. Then, they said, she should share her phone's location with a friend or a family member she trusts, just in case.
I am so glad she's ending the relationship with her abuser, and it absolutely sucks that it might be safer for her if she interacts with him one last time to tell him what's going on. Ghosting someone when it's someone like that is a complex issue. He deserves it, no doubt. I just hope she has a great support system to help her through this.