Was This Woman Wrong to Miss Her Boyfriend's Mom's Funeral for a Scheduled Vacation?

Mustafa Gatollari - Author

Apr. 27 2020, Updated 1:39 p.m. ET

woman bf moms funeral cover
Source: columbia pictures

I'm guessing most people reading this would do everything in their power to be there for a significant other whose parent died suddenly and unexpectedly. However, one Redditor thought that this was a matter that was more open to interpretation, given her circumstances. Those circumstances being a vacation she had planned with her mom, sister, aunt, and cousin.

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She posted to Reddit's AITA community wanting to know whether she was wrong for skipping her boyfriend's mom's funeral to go on the girls' trip with the women in her family.

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She starts her tale off by prefacing how difficult it is for her and her family members to arrange a girls' trip due to their busy schedules. This honestly doesn't sound too different from what the majority of working professional adults have to deal with.

She also makes sure to slip in that she has never really been close with the family of her boyfriend of two years, despite being "friendly." 

Right before she was supposed to go on her trip, her boyfriend's mother passed away.

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After doing what she felt was her good partner due diligence, she ultimately decided she wouldn't go to the funeral with him because she had already committed to going on vacation with her family.

Her boyfriend, grief-stricken by his mom's unexpected death, acknowledged that she would have to forfeit her deposits for the vacation, but he offered her $1,500 so she could be with him at the funeral. She still declined, basically saying she was torn between him and spending time with her own family.

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OP's family really wanted her to come, with her sister and cousin urging her to go on the vacation like she originally planned. Her mother and aunt didn't help matters either, saying that they really want her to come but that it was ultimately her decision. She elected to go on vacation anyway, and thought she could provide emotional support while she was out of the country with regular calls and texts to her boyfriend.

Unsurprisingly, he didn't pick up or respond for a few days. She asked Reddit if she "messed up." Boy did the commenters not mince words.

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People pointed out the obvious: that he was mourning the loss of arguably the most important person anyone ever has in their lives and that, as his long-term girlfriend, she should've been there for him. Personally, I've attended parents' funerals for friends I wasn't even that close to.

The commenter continued his diatribe, and asked OP how she was even able to enjoy herself knowing her boyfriend was dealing with the loss of his mother?

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The commenter ended their invective by saying that yes, OP was not only very much in the wrong, but that what she did was grounds for being dumped in a heartbeat.

Others in relationships said they wouldn't even hesitate if tragedy struck their significant others' families.

Eventually, OP delved into the comments section to explain herself further.

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But each one of her replies was met with rejoinders that were full of harsh truths for OP to face: she had acted selfishly and should've been there for her boyfriend, even if it meant rescheduling or completely missing out on the vacation.

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Source: reddit
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People also provided some good advice for her as well, like not "ambushing" him right before he leaves for work to discuss the topic, but instead waiting until they have time to fully talk about the issue.

It seems like a lot of hate is being piled on OP, but is it entirely justified? Or do you think it's not that big of a deal she went on vacation? What I find crazy is that none of her family members told her to stay behind and be with her boyfriend. I'd be really interested to know what that dynamic is like.

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