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Source: iStock Photos / Twitter

Work-From-Home Parents Share Complaints About Their "Coworkers" — AKA Their Kids

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Mar. 20 2020, Updated 1:46 p.m. ET

Shannon Dingle is a writer and mom who is, like many, now working from home in the presence of their children because of the coronavirus pandemic. All of a sudden, parents are faced with a whole new band of "coworkers," many of whom constantly demand their attention and / or break things they're not supposed to be touching. 

So Shannon asked the people of Twitter to share stories of what their "coworkers" (read: children) are doing these days, and the result is an endlessly entertaining thread. 

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I don't know about you, but I have had a lot of coworkers in my time who enjoy a good yogurt. Very popular office snack. But I don't think I've had a coworker who has been upset that they had yogurt when it's what they wanted in the first place. This is new territory. 

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The "NOT the dog" clarification is very important here because licking someone to get attention is very much something that a dog does. When a human child does it, it's very different. I assume. I don't think a human child has ever licked me to get my attention, and I hope one never does.

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To be fair, they're right. Why subtract when you can add? That's what I always say. OK fine. I never say that. But I would. I just try to not think about math as much as humanly possible.

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And it is funny! It is funny when "coworkers" really mean "children." If this were to happen in a real office, there would be a whole mess of HR meetings, firings, sexual harassment seminars, etc. It would be very messy. So let this be a lesson to anyone who was considering biting their coworker's butt because they thought it would be funny. Don't do it.

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If you have children...or a dog...or a husband...or a wife...or a non-binary partner...and you are stuck at home for an extended period of time, you're going to get some farts in the face. It's just statistics. I mean, come on, with the amount of beans people are eating these days? We're lucky it's not all farts all the time. 

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In your average Lego set, there are, oh I don't know, a million different Lego pieces. This argument definitely isn't about the Lego piece, you know? It's about the principle of the thing. In addition to being a mom and an employee, this poor woman now has to be a mediator. That's too many jobs! 

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Ah yes, we all have that one coworker who refuses to wear a shirt and slaps their belly while yelling, "Shirt!" Oh. No? We don't? That would actually be highly inappropriate? I should report it to HR if that ever happens? I shouldn't ever have to deal with that at my job? Who knew?

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One of the worst things you can do is steal your coworker's food. It's indefensible. And pudding?! Pudding is sacred. It's like yogurt but so much better. I hope they got back at them for this terrible food crime. 

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Honestly, I get it. Cheesecake is amazing, and if you don't have cheesecake? Well, that's a tragedy. I myself have flung myself on the floor before, saddened by the lack of fluffy, creamy, sweet cheesecake in my immediate vicinity. I understand this reaction. 

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Well, this is silly. Owls may not talk, but it's perfectly fine to talk to owls. Let me have a chat with these "coworkers" of Elizabeth's, and I'll set them straight. Hoo do they think they are anyway? (That was an owl joke. I'm prouder of it than I should be. Let's just leave it at that.)

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Ah yes. Well, the thing is, we all recognize that the Silly Putty ended up behind the couch cushions. That's undeniable. You see it smushed between the cracks. I see it smushed between the cracks. But how it got there? Couldn't tell you. You didn't put it there. I don't see anyone else who could have put it there. It's one of life's great mysteries that I guess we'll never solve.

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Honestly, I kind of wish my coworkers did this to me every morning. What a greeting! And Goldfish? Delicious. This should become a thing. We'll call it the Goldfish Greeting, and it's how we'll say hi to the people we work with from now on. Who's in? 

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